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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this child to come on holidays with us

838 replies

arabesque · 10/04/2013 11:08

A group of girls I used to share a house with years ago have arranged to go on a reunion weekend to the West of Ireland in June. The plan was to book into a nice hotel, and spend the time relaxing, having nice meals and a few drinks and catching up and reminiscing. However, one of the group has now asked if its okay to bring her six year old daughter as her husband wants to play in a golf tournament that weekend. A child hanging around is going to completely change the tone of the holiday imho. I haven't spoken to all of the group yet but the two I have been in touch with are not too keen either.

AI (or we)BU to think of saying that we'd prefer if it was kept to adults only as it's the first time we've all been together in about ten years?

OP posts:
schoolgovernor · 12/04/2013 00:27

I must be a horrible person. I read that email and thought it was far too woolly. Stuff childcare arrangements for her and her DH... leave other children out of it...

Dear Daft Friend

I've spoke to the others and we all agree that the whole point of this trip is for us to get together for some adult time without partners or children. We want to do adult things, have adult conversation and generally let our hair down a bit. So I'm sure you can understand why we don't think it would be fair on either DD or the rest of us if you brought her along.

We really hope that you will still be able to come because it is always so nice to see you. However, if you won't be able to make it this time we'll understand.

schoolgovernor · 12/04/2013 00:28

In fact, I'd have probably replied by return saying "You are joking aren't you?..."

BOF · 12/04/2013 00:33

I like your style, schoolgoverner.

rainbow2000 · 12/04/2013 07:51

I said upthread that if she does still bring her,leave her to mind her own dd.Do the things you had planned.Leave her to her own devices and she might just learn that its not acceptable to bring your kids everywhere.

Marking place

ArabellaBeaumaris · 12/04/2013 07:57

What happened OP?

topsyandturvy · 12/04/2013 08:38

yanbu and really the issue isnt between you and the other friend, but between her and her husband - he is the one who is actually preventing her from going OR she forgot to speak to him about keeping the date free

Snazzynewyear · 12/04/2013 08:55

Marking place.

LemonBreeland · 12/04/2013 09:12

I am woth schoolgovernor I thimk her wording is much clearer.

Lottashakingoinon · 12/04/2013 09:14

Yes I LOVE your style School but I think it's just as well that Arabesque sent her own version!!

AllDirections · 12/04/2013 09:19

YANBU and that's from another lone parent. I manage to go away for an adult's only weekend once or twice a year. I'm a 24/7 parent and I have to save for each trip and arrange childcare. It requires a lot of effort and money but I need those breaks so much that if somebody even suggested bringing along their child I wouldn't be happy (and it definitely wouldn't happen).

and even single parents can sometimes call on family or indeed the child's father Bit of an assumption there Hmm

Trills · 12/04/2013 09:23

I also think people without children are entitled not to want to spend there leisure time with children if that's not what they had in mind.

Someone said this further up.

I think that people with children are also entitled not to want to spend their leisure time with children if that's not what they had in mind!

QOD · 12/04/2013 09:28

I hope she took it ok. I hate that sort of scenario

AllDirections · 12/04/2013 09:38

I think that people with children are also entitled not to want to spend their leisure time with children if that's not what they had in mind!

This

Blu · 12/04/2013 09:55

The OP is not a lone parent. Her friend's child has a father. However he and his DW have managed to make his desire to go on a golf w/ the problem for a group of friends who HAVE Found childcare or whose DH'd have accepted parental responsibility that w/ and many MNers have turned it into a single parent v couples issue.

If it is ok to take a child on an adult w/ let her Dad take her to the golf. He knew this w/e was booked , it is his responsibility to find childcare.

OP, don't let this man's selfishness become your problem. Why should women and mothers always compromise?

I would've v sympathetic to accommodating the chills are needs of a single parent, but not those of a male chauvinist golfer!

Blu · 12/04/2013 10:03

Sorry, missed a big chunk of update reading on my phone. Hope your e mail works, OP, but beyond your individual situation there is a huge principle lurking behind this situation , and I am cringing at the wheedling in begging her to get her H to 'make 7 ladies happy'. Doesn't that just demonstrate the power balance which has been allowed to develop around this kind of thing.

I would be spelling that out to your mate. She has no business asking you all to accommodate her DH's needs. So weedy.

rainbow2000 · 12/04/2013 13:34

Update op i need the next installment

Trills · 12/04/2013 13:43

Demanding much?

rainbow2000 · 12/04/2013 13:51

Who me no just looking for an update,nothing wroong wiht that.

Grammaticus · 12/04/2013 13:53

Maybe the six year old could go to the golf tournament, it would be no more inappropriate. Oh wait, people with testicles don't actually have any fundamental responsibility for their children, do they. And their leisure activities are so much more important than womens'. Angry

AllDirections · 12/04/2013 19:09

Grammaticus Grin

I'm with Rainbow in that it's always good to know the outcome

waltermittymissus · 12/04/2013 19:24

YWNBU by saying no.

I think she has a cheek to have asked in the first place tbh!

Inncogneetow · 12/04/2013 19:25

I wonder how friend responded.

Roseformeplease · 12/04/2013 19:26

News?

SugarPasteGreyhound · 12/04/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

schoolgovernor · 12/04/2013 20:20

I have a reply drafted in preparation if Daft Friend comes back and still hasn't got the message. Grin

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