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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

262 replies

ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:27

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

OP posts:
janey68 · 26/03/2013 20:28

YANBU. I wouldn't even go personally

MortifiedAdams · 26/03/2013 20:28

Its brazen but makes.total sense and I would want to do this too, in your sitch.

Casmama · 26/03/2013 20:29

YANBU - put in a note saying "lets call that £310 your wedding present. Best wishes. . . ."

BOEUF · 26/03/2013 20:30

Kill him.

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/03/2013 20:30

I'd give them nothing, following such a demand, regardless of whether they owed me money or not!

Please do tell us the exact wording of the invite!

HollyBerryBush · 26/03/2013 20:30

Tell DH you will sort the present and simply put in the card a cheque for £310, ripped up with a gift tag saying 'all debts wiped'

Clean fresh start for all Wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 26/03/2013 20:30

I'd be tempted to write in the card "you can keep the £310 you owe me in lieu of a gift" (since realistically you aren't going to get it back anyway!)

But I'm a cow Grin

I hope you sort out the inlaw thing soon. I remember your posts.

Has your husband at least started to stand with you? I seem to recall he's been somewhat lacking a backbone?

MsVestibule · 26/03/2013 20:31

No, YANBU. It's highly unlikely they'll say anything, but if they do, respond along the lines of "OK, take £50 off what you owe us." Do you/DH continue to lend them money, or are these historical debts?

BadabingBadabong · 26/03/2013 20:31

How much would you give them if they didn't owe you anything?
I would write a note saying I would like to give you £50 as a present, you now owe me £260.

Maggie111 · 26/03/2013 20:31

Urgh - I understand why you want to give nothing. Personally I'd give them a small sentimental but inexpensive present and wish I hadn't

Tiredmumno1 · 26/03/2013 20:31

I'd tell them they could keep the tenner as a present but the £300 debt still stands

Ragwort · 26/03/2013 20:31

Absolutely not, do not give them anything.

What does your DH say?

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 26/03/2013 20:32

Definitely no present. Whether you refer to the debt depends on how much you want to risk antagonising SIL.

HildaOgden · 26/03/2013 20:33

Have you any chance of getting that 310 quid back?If not,I'd do what Casmama suggests.

I wouldn't give them a penny otherwise.Give them an open card,if they ask where the cash is (cheeky feckers would,too) act horrified and say it must have fallen out.All 310 quid of it.

Wewereherefirst · 26/03/2013 20:33

Do not give them a penny. They have had enough of your money before the wedding to class as a gift.

How rude to put one in your invite!

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:33

I don't want to go but SIL asked dcs to be bridesmaid (dd1) flower girl (dd2) and pageboys (ds1+2) which they were thrilled about (she didn't ask me first before saying to them) and they are all excited.

I don't want to stop dcs seeing family or dh seeing them but they really really annoy me. I don't want to tell dcs how we go without a lot because aunty/nanny etc owe us so much money. Its tempting though sometimes...

OP posts:
AKissIsNotAContract · 26/03/2013 20:34

£310 is a large gift though. If you really don't like them don't go to the wedding, that'll save them and you some money.

DontmindifIdo · 26/03/2013 20:35

I agree, why not sell it to your DH as "Fresh start" for your relationship with SIL, say you know it's caused stress that this is hanging over the relationship between you, so you think as realistically she'll never pay it back, do as above, put a note in the card saying "our gift to you is to wipe the £310 debt you have with us".

Nagoo · 26/03/2013 20:36

Is there a free bar? You could try and drink yourself into profit Wink

Bobyan · 26/03/2013 20:37

Give her £310 in monopoly money, the cheeky cow.

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:37

Historical debts-Dh used to lend them loads but now he doesn't even have his own bank card I'm a control freak now about money-had to be to stop him continuously lending to them.

I don't have invite to hand but it was a little insert a poem about not having to shop for a gift but to pop some money into a card and put it in a little wishing well they would have at the venue.....

OP posts:
Iseeall · 26/03/2013 20:39

Give them nothing but your best wishes. Enclose a note in a card saying you consider their debt now paid off.

NEVER lend to these people again.

StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2013 20:40

Who is paying for the bridesmaid/ flower girl etc outfits?

NaturalBaby · 26/03/2013 20:41

I would write a gift card style letter "You owe us £310 - £ = £".
If there is cash in envelopes in the "wishing well" you could even repay your debt out of that Wink (step too far??)

YouTheCat · 26/03/2013 20:42

Oh bloody hell! Not a 'give us cash' poem as well? Grin

If you really think you will never get the money back, write it off as a wedding present (or part of it).