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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

262 replies

ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:27

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

OP posts:
grovel · 26/03/2013 22:51

ariane, I instinctively like you for your OP. I'm not taking the piss... the (very bad) Muse just arrived..

NewFerry · 26/03/2013 22:55

The wishing well is a great idea
Your debt to us you can finally clear
Three hundred and ten you need to pay
Then we can relax and enjoy the day

breatheslowly · 26/03/2013 22:56

One of you needs to stand over the wishing well and extract the cash you are owed as the cards are opened. Or stand next to the wishing well all night and explain that you are desperately wishing for your money back so that you can have the glasses you need back from the optician. Or spend all night blindly bumping into things and knocking them over, then explain to anyone who will listen why you can't see properly, extra marks for knocking things into SIL.

nkf · 26/03/2013 22:56

Can you help yourself to £310 worth of cash from the wishing well? Go on, I dare you.

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 22:59

Expat I didn't give any of them money, DH kept lending to them behind my back untill I got suspicious about finances being so dire and discovered what had been going on.

I think a lot of the loans they never expected to have to repay hence their reluctance.

I can't let it go.They need to learn.As a stupid 18yr old I was persuaded by MIL to take out a huge (8000) loan which she then refused to repay so I took her to small claims. The old cow was soon up to same tricks again though with Dh. They are all just leeches.

OP posts:
grovel · 26/03/2013 23:01

Incidentally, OP, I rather like the sound of your DH too. Men who care for dysfunctional family members are generally good men. Huge generalisation.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/03/2013 23:01

Actually you are perfectly within your rights to open all the envelopes in the "Wishing Well" count out £310 pounds from the other guests donations and fold it blatantly into your top pocket.

Just to add a touch of derision to the proceedings when you approach the thieving happy couple, peel off a tender from the wishing well fund, fold it into a square, pop it into the cleavage of her wedding dress and give her a good natured slap on the cheek.

If more than 10 guests are coming they'll easily raise the readies.

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 23:02

If I had the guts I'd help myself to it.

I have visions of myself all in black with a mask and cape taking cards from the well when nobody is looking. I think I've gone mad its all got to me finally.

OP posts:
LadyHarrietdeSpook · 26/03/2013 23:06

I love this thread. "Peel off a tender and give her a slap!" I agree! Let us do it! When and where is it? Lets drink em dry.

Although OP I feel sick for you. Seriously, send the bailiffs round during the service.

charlearose · 26/03/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 26/03/2013 23:07

Put an envelope in the well (after recovering your cash):

You owe us big money
You stupid young cow
We said you'd repay us
And now you know how!

Catchingmockingbirds · 26/03/2013 23:09

Don't give them any money for their wedding. I'd feel so uncomfortable owing someone that much money and not making any attempt to pay it back.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 26/03/2013 23:10

The poems in this thread are superb. nora has made me laugh more than once. :)

I don't blame you, OP. I would also find this very difficult to let go. I'm not sure why you should be expected to.

As for the original question: hell no YANBU!

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 23:10

This has cheered me up so much I might just print the thread and stick it in the well!

OP posts:
charlearose · 26/03/2013 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 26/03/2013 23:11

Stick it in the well!

TurnipCake · 26/03/2013 23:16

Have you seen my money?
I'm on the hunt
So please pay it back
You selfish- Smile

grovel · 26/03/2013 23:35

TurnipCake, you've raised the bar. I laughed.

WafflyVersatile · 26/03/2013 23:37

Keep pestering her for the money. Start the process for small claims if you have evidence of her acknowledging the debt. If you don't have evidence of her agreeing to the debt email her about it to get some acknowledgement.

If she has not paid you back by a week before the wedding tell her she has 2 choices. Either she pays up or you will stand by the wishing well and tell everyone that she's not paid you back even though you have had to go without. Don't beg. shame her into it.

I shall await your thread about her trying to get you to pay for the DC's outfits.

blackeyedsusan · 26/03/2013 23:38

go with wafflys ideaa. you need your glasses.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/03/2013 23:46

How about getting a tee shirt printed with "the scheming bridal bitch owes me £310" and wearing it in all the photos?

anonymosity · 26/03/2013 23:48

I agree with DontmindifIdo - but you need to make it clear that the "bank" is no longer open for business....if they're that brazen they may come asking again.

Snazzynewyear · 27/03/2013 00:01

shrinkingnora on the basis of your 22:21:33 composition you should be working for Hallmark Grin Brilliant!

OP, I can totally understand how bitter this makes you feel. I had a falling out with a friend last year who had borrowed a couple of hundred quid a while before. At the time I had been in a good position to lend the money, but income had since dropped drastically so I grew more and more resentful that friend apparently wasn't going to pay me back. What made it worse was that I was looking at friend's comments on their online networks (I know, I know) where they were going on about going out for expensive meals, to the cinema etc. I emailed them to ask for the money and was told they were strapped for cash so would need to spread it out over quite a few instalments. That really annoyed me when I could see how much they were spending on going out!

I would certainly not give them anything. I think there is trouble ahead over the girls' bridesmaid outfits, too. They sound like the kind of people to ask you to pay for that. Would your DDs be very disappointed if that didn't come off in the end?

Do you think you can bring your DH properly on side about this? It sounds very difficult for you to have him unwilling to take a stronger line on the money.

kickassangel · 27/03/2013 00:05

Actually, the Greek Orthodox tradition is to pin money onto the bride's dress. After a family wedding, my uncle's family watched the video and realized that one guest kept approaching the bride, and ostentatiously pinning money to the front, then nipping round the back and helping themselves to more than they'd added.

Stand by the wishing well and help yourself. Though loads of people hate giving money so you may be disappointed

Snazzynewyear · 27/03/2013 00:08

All this talk of the Wishing Well Hmm is making me think of the Simpsons episode where they do a for the little boy everyone thinks is trapped down a well. You could stand next to the well and sing it at the ceremony.

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