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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

262 replies

ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:27

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 08:42

There is no way I will be paying anything for bridesmaid and flower girl outfits or page boy suits they can absolutely get lost.

If they pay then fine I will go and keep quiet for the day for DH and dcs sake but there will be NO money in a card.

If they start being idiots about anything in the next few weeks then me and dcs just won't go.I can't stop DH going as I know he will want to but I don't have to.

And I found the invite here is the poem from it :

This will save you shopping and buying
Here's an idea you might like trying
Come to our wedding and wish us well
And make some use of our wishing well
Just put some money in a card
Now make a wish... But shh don't tell
Now that we have saved you all that fuss
We hope you will come and celebrate with us
Please don't be offended by this type of request
Our day will be complete having you as our guest.

It really made me annoyed.And they've done a pretty good job of saving me from shopping and buying recently as I HAVE NO MONEY BECAUSE OF THEM! I hate them !

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 27/03/2013 09:04

Well at least the last line let's people off.

By MY interpretation anyway.

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 09:05

I sound so bitter I know I do.

I can't help but resent them.I used to get on so well with SIL untill all these issues over money. She always seemed so nice and I just feel like DH was used.

OP posts:
tangerinefeathers · 27/03/2013 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeskPlanner · 27/03/2013 09:10

I love this thread. Grin I sometimes wish MN would do a book or a topic just for wedding threads like this ( I know there's a wedding topic, but that doesn't get the best threads), just to read when I need cheering up. There was a thread ages ago about a bridesmaid being forced into buying really expensive shoes, when she already owned a pair almost exactly the same. The cheek of the bride was brilliant, I've often wondered if the bridesmaid gave in in the end.
Tell SIL you will give her money in a card, when she pays you the money she owes. Do not write off the debt. Oh, she's driving me crazy, and I don't even know her. Grin

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 09:13

Dh whole family are just awful.

Always have money for things they WANT. Never pay their bills.

OP posts:
DeskPlanner · 27/03/2013 09:14

OMG, I've just caught up to the poem, that's amazing. The bit about not offending is the best, who in there right mind wouldn't find that offensive ?

Maryz · 27/03/2013 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DollyTwat · 27/03/2013 09:29

Maryz you've got a good point there. Could one of you clever poem writers do one about looking forward to being repaid with the money they'll get ?

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2013 09:31

OK I had no idea when I posted that you were in desperate need of the money, I assumed you could afford to write it off.
I'd be tempted to take a much harder line. "I need to collect my glasses from the optician but cannot afford to pay them because of the money we have lent you in the past. Therefore, please can you pay the optician - where should they send the invoice?"

juneau · 27/03/2013 09:31

You could always go and help yourself to some of the money in the wishing well!

fluffyraggies · 27/03/2013 09:32

Poems in wedding invites asking for cash = awful! We've just had one sent to us - really made me Angry It's just not manners!

Anyway .....

OP - read the whole thread, and have changed my mind about 3 times as i went about my advice. I think you should try to think of this with just cold hard facts to save yourself upset from now on.

  1. Give nothing as a present for the wedding. Don't pay for outfits etc. Just go and have a nice time - wish them well etc.
  1. assume that you are not going to get your money back without legal input. You say you have taken your MIL to a small claims court in the past - i think you'll have to do this now with your SIL.
  1. once the wedding is over calmly tell your DH this is what you are going to do. No need to guilt trip him anymore - just get on with it.
  1. have as little to do with them as possible in the future!

Good luck OP.

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 09:39

When I took MIL to smaLl claims years ago I was on IS so got legal aid and it was worth it as it was a large amount (8000).

I'd have to pay now and for 310 is it worth it? I spend more than that in the process and I just need my money back Sad

OP posts:
Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 27/03/2013 09:40

ariane5 don't give them anything at all and if they won't reply to texts write a letter telling her you must have the money back and how it sickens you that they're having this lavish wedding when you had to make do at your own. Be strong and if she kicks off tough. I'd even threaten small claims.

We're all behind you.

Juniperdewdropofbrandy · 27/03/2013 09:41

Just threaten it, she knows you've done it before.

LandofTute · 27/03/2013 09:43

I'd write "Your wedding present is that I will write off £50 of the £310 you owe us. So now you only owe us £260. Best wishes for a happy married life."

Flisspaps · 27/03/2013 09:44

Card in the well, post it note inside with "I wish..." followed by one of these marvellous poems.

LandofTute · 27/03/2013 09:45

Just read the poem. How cringey

tangerinefeathers · 27/03/2013 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleAbruzzenBear · 27/03/2013 09:47

Why are they having a lavish wedding when they owe you, and probably others, money?! YANBU. You won't see your money again so don't give them a penny.

tangerinefeathers · 27/03/2013 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melika · 27/03/2013 09:48

Do not explain a thing. Get a reasonably priced wedding card and write best wishes to them, do not make any comment at all. Do not give a present or money.

Believe me, without any nastiness, they will get the message!

DIYapprentice · 27/03/2013 09:48

Oh ariane - you really have struck it unlucky with both your family and your ILs, haven't you?!

You need to stand firm, but I can now understand why you are finding everything so overwhelming.

Definitely don't give your SIL any money, and you need to tell them that you will NOT be paying for the outfits for your DC.

Areyoumadorisitme · 27/03/2013 09:51

Blimey, I opened this up expecting to say you were being really unreasonable but no, YANBU at all. No way would I give them any money.

I do suspect they'll want you to pay for the kids outfits though...

You took MIL to small claims court Shock - wow relationships really have broken down. Don't blame you though.

The poems throughout the thread are magic and have made me laugh out loud and probably be late for my 10am meeting as I couldn't stop reading!!!

GetOeuf · 27/03/2013 09:58

Oh god don't bloody go. Don't let your kids be bridesmaids either - they won't care really, and you WILL end up paying for this. You only got married last year and had a small wedding because that's all you could afford - why go along with the stupid act that your SIL has to have an Alexis Colby wedding paid for by others because she fleeces everyone and lives above her means.

Fuck being nice and keeping the peace because she is fahmily and your kids are excited. You are not the bad guy in this - she is. You haven't had your specs for 3 months fgs.

No more presents for you, you're down on your luck-a
I have enough of your freeloading you cheeky motherfuck-a

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