Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

262 replies

ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:27

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

OP posts:
catsmother · 27/03/2013 10:00

Bloody hell - I'm not surprised you're bitter in the circumstances. How dare that arrogant bitch send you (of all people) a crass poem like that ?! This thread has been very amusing with ideas for revenge and back-in-your-face alternative poems, but really, underneath all that is the fact this cow has stolen money from you - yes, that is what this is when you "borrow" and have no intention of paying it back - and in the meantime, your children are going without.

You say you have no contact with DH's family - and I don't blame you - but seeing as he does, he should be piling on the pressure about this every time he sees them. Sod the "stressing out" - she fucking well deserves to be stressed out. And if you do end up attending this sickening show-off wedding I wouldn't give her a thing personally - see if she has the brass neck to comment on that later. I'd also have no qualms - if she'd not repaid me by then - to confront her at the reception and sod who might overhear such as her new in-laws, workmates or friends (if she has any). I wouldn't give a flying fuck if I "ruined" the "best day of her life" by demanding the cash I was owed out of her wanky wishing well - after all I'd have no plans to see her again. Which might sound harsh and hard but what's the alternative ? .... for my own peace of mind, I might decide to write off the debt (very reluctantly) thereafter if she obviously wasn't going to pay up but no way would I go down without a murmur when my kids were suffering while she has the audacity to not only spend - presumably - thousands - on her "special day" but also to demand more money from me into the bargain.

LittleAbruzzenBear · 27/03/2013 10:05

You have saved us shopping and buying
Paying back debts is something worth trying
We'll see you at your wedding and at your well
Give you money, like hell
We'll wipe your debt to us off, it's our gift to you
With your wishing well you can start paying back others too
Now we have saved you all that (£310) fuss
We'll leave your wedding on a bus......because that's all we can afford you silly cow!

That's the best I could come up with!

fergoose · 27/03/2013 10:17

now is the time to get off your arses
I need the money now to pay for my glasses
oh and btw we won't pay for bridesmaid dresses
nor shoes, cardigans, flowers or styling their tresses

cuillereasoupe · 27/03/2013 10:28

How about a haiku?

Selfish grasping bride
Owes cash to sister in law
Debt should be paid soon

bigfuckoffpie · 27/03/2013 11:52

Ariane, what does your DH say about getting the money back? I seem to remember from previous threads that you've had big fights about this before. Is he any better at standing up to them than he was? Has he asked SIL/MIL for the £300?

FauxFox · 27/03/2013 12:09

Text the SIL:

Hi SIL - just seen that you're asking for money instead of wedding gifts, that is so thoughtful of you! I know you've been worrying about how to pay me back that £310, MIL told me it's been stressing you out, and now with your wedding money you'll be able to pay us back no probs! I knew you would sort this out somehow - thanks so much hun, we've been so broke it'll be great to get paid back at last! love Ariane xx

diddl · 27/03/2013 12:42

How are they paying for the wedding?

(With the cash gifts?Hmm)

People like that piss me off so much.

Can you tell her the wrong sizes for BM dresses-& take them back for a cash refund??

Is there anything that they might be buying re the wedding that you can recoup money on?

As for writing off the 310GBP as a wedding gift-words fail me.

Really-do people buy presents to that value??

CandyCrushed · 27/03/2013 12:50

I know how you feel and completely understand the bitterness Sad (unfortunately - bastard thieving BIL and his grabby wife)

Obviously, you mustn't give them anything for their wedding or ever again.

My guess is that you will never get your money back as people like that do not have any shame at all. It is hard for normal people to understand that. If I borrowed money I would have to pay it back and if I couldn't I would be mortified with embarrassment. People like your SIL (and my BIL and wife) literally dont care. They have no morals at all.

I love the poems and suggestions on this thread. I have read every word ofthe poems - they are great.

I love the suggestion to drink yourself into a profit at the wedding bar Grin

I avoid my BIL and wife as much as i can and when we do see them we can't say anything as it would upset my DH's lovely and very old DM. Bloody family dynamics!

AmmiMajus · 27/03/2013 12:55

Someone reading this thread must have put one of those poems in their wedding invitations.
Do you think: awwwww I didn't realise I did such a grasping thing
Or: Ha ha, suckers!

sue52 · 27/03/2013 13:14

FauxFox's text idea is good. Would they respond to that or have they no shame whatsoever?

wonkylegs · 27/03/2013 13:23

You could always enclose a filled out small claims form and enclose it with a note in the card suggesting that they settle the debt amicably following the wedding or unfortunately you will be forced to take official action as you cannot afford to let this one go at this point.

melika · 27/03/2013 13:26

Families bring out the best when there is a wedding around!

One SIL stole money(lots) from a family member, I did not attend her wedding in protest, although the rest did.

Other SIL did not invite anyone but that SIL, her DH and parents to hers, even though everyone could have attended it.

Still gets in my craw now.

Do what the hell you like, everyone else does!

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 14:01

Dh still doesn't really get involved I can tell he is desperate for me to just drop itm
If I mention the money his face falls and he says he's too busy/tired to talk about it.
MIL has now changed her number so can't get in touch with her but I could text SIL although that will immediately have MIL on the warpath after she warned me off speaking to SiL about it as "stress makes her ill".

What pisses me off is that DH will be working on monday as we need the money but they will all have their bank holiday.They couldn't care less about me or dh or dcs.

I wish though that DH would actually tell them to repay it. He has phoned a couple of times but got same old excuses as me but he didn't follow it up.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/03/2013 14:08

I suggest you do text SIL-and tell MIL if she hadn't changed her number you wouldn't have to.

Did they know that your husband wouldn't make as fuss about repayments & that's why they asked him?

If so, does he realise that they don't actually give a stuff about him & just use him when he can be of benefit to them?

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 14:12

He can't help himself, he's lovely but an absolute wimp when it comes to his family. He doesn't want to fall out with them but there seems to be no options left its either let the money go or argue.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/03/2013 14:20

The only reason I'd go is to ensure your wet DH doesn't give her money. NO chance of buying bridesmaids dresses. None.

diddl · 27/03/2013 14:27

If he can't help himself-then he needs to get help so that he can.

He'd rather see you & his children struggle than say no to Mummy & sister?

That's quite screwed up, isn't it?

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 14:28

They will HAVE to pay for the dresses/suits as at our wedding (on dh insistence) SIL daughters were flower girls and we bought their dresses.well dh paid as I was grumpy about it (but I chose and they were slightly unflattering!)

I only wanted our dcs to be bm/pb but dh said it was his family too and they should do it.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/03/2013 14:30

ariane, the real problem I'm starting to see is that your husband is a bit of a fuckwit.

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 14:38

He has got huge issues with his family. He either cannot see what they are doing or he is fuuly aware but is too scared to fall out with them.

He just wants a quiet life and sadly he won't be getting one. I know that I irritate him every day going on and on about it but I can't just let that money go.

MIL is root of problem.when Dh was a teenager he was run over and v badly injured-got compensation (£12000) and guess who had the lot?......
Nothing has changed.they are all leeches.

They don't like me (think DH "could have done better" etc etc).

OP posts:
diddl · 27/03/2013 14:39

I should imagine that they won't pay for your children's outfits & then you'll be the bad guy who has prevented your children being BMs & PBs.

"but dh said it was his family too and they should do it." Oh dear!

Original poster
ariane5 · 27/03/2013 14:50

He is well and truly under their spell.I am so tempted to text SIL and ask for the money but I know she will immediately tell MIL who will be fuming and then will phone DH.

I don't expect I will get the money back Sad but causing a big argument might cheer me up a bit and then I can see whose side Dh will be on!

OP posts:
diddl · 27/03/2013 14:58

Well you'll set yourself up for a fall as it's pretty clear whose side he's on!

TBH, this is the sort of thing I could leave someone over.

I'd have no respect for them.

Of course it might not be entirely his fault if has grown up with this being the norm.

But if he's not prepared to do anything about it...

What does he get from them?

Does he enjoy their company?

catsmother · 27/03/2013 15:01

In effect he has two families now - his immediate family which is you and the kids and his wider family. Guess which one should take priority - and that would be the case even if his wider family were lovely but seeing as they're manipulative lying stealing wankers there's absolutely no contest - or shouldn't be. I can't believe he prefers to upset you, stress you out and let his kids go without rather than confront them. Okay - his being more assertive still might not get you anywhere, these people are shameless, but it would make you feel heaps better knowing he was just as angry as you, on your side and trying all he could to get the money back.

But in the absence of him doing anything sod stressing that bitch - you have every right to text her, write to her or whatever as much as you want as she has your money! Tell her that you are stressed and feeling ill with worry, that your children need things you can't afford to buy them, that your DH is working all hours to try to make ends meet. I don't know how she's funding her wedding but there's no way she couldn't afford to pay you back £300 odd if she's spending thousands on the do. Call her on that. Threaten the small claims - even if bluffing - you've done it before and tell her that she'll be liable for costs too if you're successful.

Just makes me angry that you should have to deal with this at all when he "lent" money and is completely unwilling to tackle it. Why does he think his sister's more worthy of this money than his own kids ?

catsmother · 27/03/2013 15:04

Let fuming MIL call DH. So what. At that point he should be telling her some home truths - like how SIL has lied about money and has made no attempt to discuss a repayment plan, how his children are going without, how anyone who can spend several thousands on a wedding can afford to pay back £300, like asking her why she thinks SIL is somehow entitled to his money, like telling her that his wife is completely stressed out, ill and worried, and so on and so on. I'd want to hear her justify the situation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread