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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them NOTHING for their wedding?

262 replies

ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:27

SIL has owed us money for years-repeated attempts have been made to get her to repay but she rarely does, MIL is same AND BIL.

It is an ongoing issue and I've posted before about it.

SIL is getting married soon (huge lavish event £££) and sent us an invite-within which was a request for no present just cash in a card....

She still owes me £310 so I said to dh I am not giving them a penny.

Its bad enough I have to go to the wedding as can't stand any of dh family BUT dcs like their aunty and I can understand dh wants to see his little sister get married although I draw the line at giving the greedy sods any money. DH says he would but I have said over my dead body.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:42

I won't be paying for the outfits and they had better not even suggest it. I am assuming they will be paying!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 26/03/2013 20:42

Part of it? Are you suggesting they give more?!

montmartre · 26/03/2013 20:43

Yeah- I wondered that SPB! Check whether all the shoes, tights, hair accessories etc are included- these have cost us a fortune in the past!

Don't put anything in the envelope other than a (nice) card- guests are under no obligation to give a gift anyway, and under the circumstances they should understand perfectly well, without you rubbing their noses in it on their wedding day.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 26/03/2013 20:44

I don't know about writing it in the wedding card though, seems a bit PA.

Maybe just say something before hand along the lines of a fresh start WRT the debt for all before the wedding.

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 20:44

Naturalbaby- I had considered that!!

OP posts:
MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 26/03/2013 20:45

You'd better clarify that OP. Make sure they pay. Otherwise it's you that will either have to cough up or have disappointed kids. Just ask when SIL needs ages/measurements so she can buy the outfits.

ElliesWellies · 26/03/2013 20:46

If she has owed you for years, then you're unlikely to get it back. Agree with the posters who've said enclose a note saying you are writing off their debt to you.

Hopefully they'll have a free bar and lots of nice food for you to make the most of? Wink

seriouscakeeater · 26/03/2013 20:46

YANBU some great ideas tho, i like hollyberrys Grin

montmartre · 26/03/2013 20:46

And cardi's for girls (wedding outfits usually be very thin, and British weddings usually being freezing with rain.
And umberellas.

Cailinsalach · 26/03/2013 20:49

She is a minx.
You should double her debt purely because of the poem.
How about throwing a coin in the wishingwell? Like a 1p and your wish could be total debt repayment?

landofsoapandglory · 26/03/2013 20:49

I wouldn't give them anything TBH.

My sister got married a couple of years back. She put one of those trashy poems in the invite, and it said something along the lines of we don't need anything, but would appreciate money if you really want to give us something, but you don't have to.

Now, over the years she has taken the piss out of me, I have helped her out with her DC, lent her stuff and never got it back, had her DC for weeks on end in the holidays etc and she has never helped me in return, despite promising. So I thought, bugger it and just bought her a card!

YouTheCat · 26/03/2013 21:01

I meant write off part of the debt.

shrinkingnora · 26/03/2013 21:15

An invite to your special day
Is lovely but we will not pay
Just to watch you fritter away
What was ours the other day

Even though you asked in rhyme
Unpaid debts are still a crime
Since you owe us so much money
We don't find this very funny

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 21:24

That poem is brilliant I am so tempted...

OP posts:
smogwod · 26/03/2013 21:25

Genius!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 26/03/2013 21:26

Ohhhhhh pleeeeaaasseee use the poem!!

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds · 26/03/2013 21:26

Changed my tune

expatinscotland · 26/03/2013 21:27

Give them nothing. Don't give her any more money. She's not borrowing it.

NaturalBaby · 26/03/2013 21:29

That poem reply is genius.

BombayBadonkadonks · 26/03/2013 21:29

Pure genius there shrinkingnora

Love it!

MrsLouisTheroux · 26/03/2013 21:30

Accept invitation, enjoy the day, take lots of pics of your DD flower girls.
Give no gift.
If asked why no money/ where's our dosh. Explain that as they owe you ££s you thought that they could have X£ taken off the amount owing. I wouldn't say a thing though, just wait until you're asked about it.

westcoastnortherner · 26/03/2013 21:33

shrinkingnora Grin

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2013 21:39

I'd recommend shitting in the wishing well.

Seriously though ariane, you had a thread not long ago about how utterly broke you were. You'd be mad to give them a gift.

Original poster
ariane5 · 26/03/2013 21:42

That's why it angered me so much-we go without due to them not paying us back what they owe Sad

My glasses have been at the optician since jan as havnt got the 300 to collect them, and SIL owes us about that so it pisses me off.

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/03/2013 21:43

Don't give a cash gift and eat a sh*tload of vol au vents. (About £260 worth)

Is it a hotel stay? Can you get a luxury room at the venue, with room service, and tell reception on departure to invoice the happy couple?

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