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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £200 is too bloody much?

247 replies

MogwaiTheGremlin · 18/01/2013 21:16

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!

There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 18/01/2013 21:18

No YANBU it is a lot of money - I'm guessing that she is loaded and / or child free?

shesariver · 18/01/2013 21:20

Why would anyone flame you for being selfish?? I think your friend is being selfish if she expects her friends to fork out £200! You can however say no...

EarnestDullard · 18/01/2013 21:20

YANBU, £200 is a silly amount of money. And if she's organising the party, shouldn't she be paying for it?

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 18/01/2013 21:20

Yes and yes! I'm an idiot for saying I would go in the first place

OP posts:
Tommy · 18/01/2013 21:20

you're not selfish! I don't understand why people do this. If they want you to come to a party, they should invite you. If they can't afford what they want, they should find something cheaper.
I would just say "thank you so much but I'm not going to be able to make it..."

ThePinkOcelot · 18/01/2013 21:22

No way are you BU! I wouldn't go, I wouldn't be forking out £200 either. That's ridiculous for a birthday.

Lueji · 18/01/2013 21:22

She can't really get people to go without giving a cost estimate.

You should really tell her that you have thought about it and it's too costly and a very long trip to and fro.
And that you'd like to meet up soon to compensate for missing her birthday.

She seems a bit precious, btw. Or loaded (but in that case, she should fork out for the guests).

LemonBreeland · 18/01/2013 21:22

I think you could pull out if you did not expect the cost to be so high. Was there no discussion of possible cost before it was booked?

zukiecat · 18/01/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillSmilingAfterAllTheseYears · 18/01/2013 21:24

Just email straight away and say you can not go, you can't afford it. If she offers a loan or whatever just say no, thank you.

I can't imagine a universe where I would spend £200 on a birthday night away, YANBU IMO.

Southeastdweller · 18/01/2013 21:24

Maybe I'm an anti-social fuck, but it's beyond me why people hold birthday gatherings and expect others to cough up. It's just rude. If you can't afford something then just don't do it.

sooperdooper · 18/01/2013 21:25

If she never said how much it'd be then you've every right to say £200 is too much and you can't go

£200 is way too much for a weekend country house type thing, ridiciulous, plus you'll need to pay for travel, food, drinks

Hassled · 18/01/2013 21:27

I think it's really selfish/arrogant to assume that you're loved enough that your mates will fork out that sort of money. Really unfair to put anyone in that situation.

NeverFullyDressedWithoutAScarf · 18/01/2013 21:27

Agree with everyone else. I loathe it when people do this, it really is just rude and selfish.

Corygal · 18/01/2013 21:27

Yep, it's too much. It drives me nuts when people do this - rude.

At least it's not a special birthday or a christening or something where you feel under the cosh to go. Back out and be wary of other invitations.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/01/2013 21:28

I think it's really selfish/arrogant to assume that you're loved enough that your mates will fork out that sort of money. Really unfair to put anyone in that situation.

This.

expatinscotland · 18/01/2013 21:29

Far too much! Email now and tell her sorry, it's unaffordable.

Merlotmonster · 18/01/2013 21:30

Yrnbu....I hired a country house for my 40th....I paid for the accommodation and all of the food...the only contribution I asked for was for people to bring some alcohol ....

Kafri · 18/01/2013 21:30

YANBU. there is no way i could fork out 200+ on a night away, nor would i want to leave my newborn either.

if she's such a good friend, she'll
a) know its more than you can reasonably afford at the minute
or
b) if she doesn't know you cant afford it, she'll understand when you tell her
and
c) understand you can't/don't want to leave pfb yet

don't make yourself struggle financially for the sake of a birthday. your friend will have another one next year and if she's any sort of friend she wouldn't want you to struggle for the sake of her birthday. i know my best buds wouldn't. we quite often do cheapies these days as one of us has 3 kids, one has just bought a house and is doing it up and I've just had bubs and am on mat pay.

Bunbaker · 18/01/2013 21:30

I agree with Southeastdweller. Just say it's too expensive. I hope your friend isn't expecting a birthday present as well.

I am constantly amazed at the number of threads I read on here by people who have friends who organise hen parties/birthday weekends/weddings and then expect the guests to fork out several hundred pounds for the privilege. And then they get upset when their invitees say they can't afford it. What kind of world do they live in?

If I was going to organise an expensive weekend away with friends I would sound them out first before booking anything.

SminkoPinko · 18/01/2013 21:31

£200???????????? Pull out. She is a joker.

izzyishappilybusy · 18/01/2013 21:32

Tell her you can't afford it

theoriginalandbestrookie · 18/01/2013 21:32

£200 for one night, plus the price of the train fare. I'd tell her to take a hike.
Or if I wanted to keep the friendship I'd ask her how come it costs so much. Even the poshest country house shouldn't be that much for one person for one night.

sooperdooper · 18/01/2013 21:32

Why do you need 'going out money' surely if it's £200 pp then the 'going out; is being in the place you've paid for??

Still too much tho, just say no

HalleLouja · 18/01/2013 21:34

£200 for one night [faints]. I would say no unless she can find something cheaper or is paying for all your food and drinks.