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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £200 is too bloody much?

247 replies

MogwaiTheGremlin · 18/01/2013 21:16

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!

There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 18/01/2013 21:36

Nothing wrong with agreeing and then saying that the cost is too much. If she had said the cost in the first place then you could have said then.

I'd not leave my newborn, no way.

£200 is excessive and a bit bloody precious for a non landmark birthday IMHO.

Matildaduck · 18/01/2013 21:40

Are you sure she didn't mean £20 and her finger slipped?

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 18/01/2013 21:41

I had no idea it would cost so much! When first mentioned she said it would be around £100 pp (which is still a lot but DH and I decided I would go alone so it was just about do-able for a v close friend). also I had planned to go for the whole weekend so it was better value for money iykwim. Now it's £200 for accommodation alone and im only there for one night! I do realise that isn't her fault but I'm not comfortable leaving ds for 2 nights.
It's too late to get out of the accommodation (and it would push the price up even further for other friends if I did) but if I cry off at least I save travel/other costs plus a long journey there/back?

OP posts:
xlatia · 18/01/2013 21:43

i agree with pp, 200 is waaaay to much!

but that's what you've got your PFB for! if you don't want to tell your friend that you don't want to spend that much money, just tell her that DC cannot do without you for such a long period of time (if baby still very young) or even call at the last minute, sounding terribly sorry but "baby's got a temperature/is teething/whatever" Grin

xlatia · 18/01/2013 21:43

PFB?!? BFP!!!

PatriciaHolm · 18/01/2013 21:44

Was there any discussion re cost when you arranged to go? If you agreed to go away for the weekend, you must have had some idea of cost? How much more is this? If she was under the impression everyone had agreed to that sort of spend, then she isn't taking the pee or being a joker, she's doing something she assumed everyone had agreed.

In my circle of friends, £200 would be fine, but it wouldn't happen out of the blue. Can you pull out now?

nannyof3 · 18/01/2013 21:45

Say you cant afford it or u just want to be with ur baby, u dont want to leave him... Both perfectly normal reasons!

LemonBreeland · 18/01/2013 21:45

It really isn't too late to pull out. She booked spmething that is double what was suggested. Tell her you can't afford it, end of.

perceptionreality · 18/01/2013 21:47

YANBU - £200 is a lot of money to spend on a trip that is not even of your choosing. There is no way I would ever expect that of anyone. Why are some people such brats?

expatinscotland · 18/01/2013 21:48

Why on Earth are you going to pay £200 for accommodation you're not going to stay in?

petitfiloser · 18/01/2013 21:48

DON'T GO!!!1

ProphetOfDoom · 18/01/2013 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 18/01/2013 21:52

So you are paying for two nights although only staying for one - is that right?

Is it so expensive because you are in your own room. Could you bring your DH and DS with you thus avoiding the train journey?

I know it would dramatically alter the nature of the weekend but it might get the message across to her that this is a ridiculous price.

I quite often organise girly trips away but there is no way that I ever book anything without giving the clear cost of the trip and also how much its likely to cost us in extras.

Should you go or not? I'm not sure you put what age your PFB is - would it be an option to stay for both nights.

I see nothing wrong in emailing her and saying that you are very surprised by how expensive it is and you would never have agreed had you known the cost. how much does she think the rest of the weekend will cost as you are on a tight budget?

Cherriesarelovely · 18/01/2013 21:52

No way! That is terrible. There is not a chance I would go. The flipping cheek of it is unbelievable.

snice · 18/01/2013 21:56

are you hiring a v expensive self catering place then going out for dinners? that would explain why its difficult to pull out now as the cost is so high because so few people are coming and if you pull out it becomes even more per head?

BandersnatchCummerbund · 18/01/2013 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllieArroway · 18/01/2013 21:58

No, you're not being selfish.

Why do people do things like this? Since when is it OK to automatically expect people to effectively pay hundreds to attend your birthday party?

Tell her that you're sorry but you simply can't afford it. She's got a bit of a nerve, to be honest.

snice · 18/01/2013 21:58

I would say that you're sorry but its costing double what you've budgeted for and so on that basis you won't be able to go

YellowDinosaur · 18/01/2013 21:58

You don't have to go. Or pay the £200. She told you it was half that, which you still thought was a lot but agreed to go.

Now it costs twice what she first said. I think it is entirely reasonable to pull out because of this. Fair enough if it was 10 quid more but it's a whole 100 more than she said. Totally unreasonable of her imho.

Dozer · 18/01/2013 22:00

Pull out and don't pay the £200! The host shouldn't have committed to the accommodation before confirming that guests were all willing to pay.

Gryffindor · 18/01/2013 22:00

Did you know the price before you agreed to go? Or has she just booked this out of the blua and sprung it on you?

Gryffindor · 18/01/2013 22:00

*blue

MissMarplesMaid · 18/01/2013 22:01

I think your friend has behaved badly. As soon as the costs escalated she should have been contacting you all to explain and offer alternatives or cancel the whole thing. I'm afraid it sounds like your friend has got very taken up with the event.

God knows what would have happened if this was a wedding!

bedmonster · 18/01/2013 22:01

I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight

I got this far before making my mind up. I think YABU (sorry!) as you should have said no in the first place if you know you didn't really want to leave your baby. How old is he? Then you go on to say you can't really afford it. So again, I think you should have said no from the beginning.

Although I am interested to know how many people are going and where you are staying at that price! We hired a castle last year in peak season on the coast and stayed for a week. It was £600 for the entire week per family. £200 for 2 nights seems like a miscalculation somewhere, is it possible that your friend has either made a mistake or has added things in for that price?

Viviennemary · 18/01/2013 22:04

I agree. What a joker. Just say it's far too expensive and you won't be going. These insensitive thick skinned people than never give a thought to others affording events like this before arranging them.