To think £200 is too bloody much?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!
There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

[diddl]

Oh the views are spectacular!

[LemonBreeland]

I think that she could cancel it. Will probably lose a deposit, but it is her own fault if people drop out after she has made it cost so much.

Please cancel, don't force yourself to spend money you don't have to keep a friendship.

Orchidee has it right for the tone of speaking to her.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

Email:

"Dear friend, I'm sorry but I can't afford this, in the last email discussion about this we agreed £100pp and now it has doubled. I won't be able to come after all but have a lovely time."

[theoriginalandbestrookie]

You could email them and pretend you are interesting in booking to find out what their cancellation policy is

[Floggingmolly]

Since when did people start charging for attendance at birthday parties?
I wouldn't pay a tenner, frankly, just on principle. If she wants to celebrate her birthday in a country mansion, it's on her tab.

[manicinsomniac]

flogginmolly - while this case is ridiculous I think it is pretty normal for guests to pay for a birthday event (not a party). If you went out for a birthday meal, for example, you wouldn't expect the birthday person to pay the whole bill would you? In my groups of friends we normally divide the birthday person's bill among the rest of us actually.

[NewPatchesForOld]

If you are going to cancel OP (And I think you should) I would do it sooner rather than later. Other people will be doing the same no doubt, and as each person cancels your friend will be getting more and more irate, and the cost will be going up and up.
I think it's very narcissistic of her to arrange her birthday at this place, it looks beautiful but way OTT, and after all it seems you will only be using it as a base (ie somewhere to sleep) if you say there are still going out costs on top...wouldn't it be better to book a nice b&b or hotel at a fraction of the price?

[NewPatchesForOld]

And I certainly wouldn't be coughing up £200 either...if you are hell bent on paying out of guilt then I would pay not a penny more than the £100 already agreed.

[givemeaclue]

Spending £200 to go on this weekend would be mad, but to feel obliged to spend £200 when you prob are not going to go is ludicrous.

You said you would go when it 100, its not 100 so just explain that with the increase on the cost you wont be able to make it. Imagine you won't be the only one, drop out now before other people do and the cost increases further. Lesson learned for you, friend!

[givemeaclue]

Your friend

[Pandemoniaa]

£200!

Heavens! Even amongst our circle of reasonable comfortably off friends that'd be seen as a quite ludicrous cost to celebrate a birthday.

Just say you can't go because the whole thing is unaffordable. I'll bet you won't be the only one.

[Lafaminute]

It is okay to say I can't afford that or I didn't realise it was going to be so expensive. I've had to say that a lot recently as friends have been having significant birthdays and I was looking at spending more on each of their celebrations than I spent on my own./ I found it difficult the first few times but not any more - true friends shouldn't hold such things against someone

[JoanByers]

Say sorry I can't afford it, and don't go.

[Yfronts]

Just say sorry you can't afford it and that you don't want to leave little one. You hadn't realised how hard it would be to leave her before now.

[SaladIsMyFriend]

YADNBU. You do not have to go and you do not have to pay a penny. This is all on your friend, it's up to her to sort it out when you cancel.

I'd send Holla's email, perfectly worded.

Life is too short to do things you don't want to do, enjoy pfb and don't worry about this situation for a second longer - just cancel.

[Yfronts]

Just say 'as you know 100 was my limit and I can't afford the new price sorry'

[Iamsparklyknickers]

It's a nice gaff and all, but for an overnight stay with more to pay out on train fare, taxis, food, and drink? Nah!

I'm presuming it's already booked and deposit put down? Shame really, for that money she could have had you all for a stay here dreaded spa which is just as sumptuous, breakfast, lunch and 3 course dinner and only £129! I know MN doesn't really approve of spa weekends as an answer, but I spent two nights here wondering round in a dressing gown, sitting in the jacuzzi, getting glamed up for the night and stuffing my face!

I really want to know what she says when you tell her no.

[expatinscotland]

Where do people even find places like this for their fecking birthday? Seriously, how much time do you have to have on your hands to think, 'I'll go venue shopping for my birthday weekend?

[Spuddybean]

i would say i can pay the £100 i agreed (then she can decide if she wants to make up the rest) or cancel and not go or give anything. I would also say you thought this included food/drink so ask how much the 'extra celebrations' will be? ie has she booked a restaurant? what's the menu? are they planning on ordering champagne and just splitting the bill evenly? In which case the night out could cost another £100 easily.

[LittleChimneyDroppings]

If she only told you yesterday that the price is £200 then you still have time to get out of it. Say you've spoken to your dh, and you have concluded you really can't spend this much money. So you're going to pull out. If the others want to go they can split the cost. It won't work out too much between 12 of them. Be assertive now, dont let her take you for a mug.

[Virgil]

Also, consider the fact that if people have been told yesterday that its £200 there may well be others who are going to pull out over the weekend pushing the cost up even higher.

The things drive me mad. Why does everyone think they are so special nowadays?

[Overcooked]

Fuck me, they are really going to be rattling around 12 (or 11) people in that place - it looks like somewhere you would get married if you had mega buck - mad.

18 of us went to a country house for three nights for my thirtieth and it cost £50 pp for all three nights - £200 plus is madness.

[flow4]

People in my circle of friends do like to go away together and everyone is perfectly happy to split the costs - in fact, splitting the costs is the only way many of us could ever afford to have a weekend away, so we're happy if someone has a birthday or some other excuse for a house-party. But we use Youth Hostels or other much cheaper venues - more like £20-30 per person for a weekend, rather than £200!

There is a certain amount of risk involved in booking a venue for a large group of friends/acquaintances... I paid for a YH booking a few years ago because I was the only person with enough cash in the bank; but the party included some people I didn't know well, and a few of them never paid their share, and I ended up about £150 out-of-pocket... I won't make the same mistake again.

I probably wouldn't go if it was me, Mogwai. It's just too much money. It might be awkward with your friend, at least for a bit... But there does come a point when you have to stop living your life by other people's standards, and do what's right for you. Your real friends will stay with you. :)

[givemeaclue]

I'd be very surprised if this over ambitious, ego trip went ahead

[lynniep]

YANBU. Thats an outrageous amount. If my friends want to organise a 'holiday' like that, then cost is decide BEFORE its booked. I havent read the thread, but I going to take a guess thats what everyone else has said too.