To think £200 is too bloody much?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!
There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

[Iamsparklyknickers]

I hope others pull out too.

I'm sure she has some lovely redeeming features, but she needs to learn to respect people's limitations and obligations if she wants to spend time with them.

If you haven't replied yet, I'd be tempted to point out to her that it's not nice to be in a position where your finances stop you doing something and it'd be nice if she respected that instead of making it more uncomfortable/embarrassing.

[theoriginalandbestrookie]

Thanks for updating OP. Are you going to have to pay the £100 ?

[LemonBreeland]

Thanks for the update. Your friend very clearly does not live in the real world, and I doubt it would even help to explain how much £100 could buy you. She will never understand what it means to have to budget and count the pennies.

I feel for your friend. She should have a thread on here so we can convince her to drop out too, as I doubt without all of the mners telling you that it was okay you would not have done it.

[GlaikitFizzog]

Sounds like she doesn't like not being centre of attention. Always the bridesmaid??

[Inertia]

You are totally in the right here, your friend is taking the piss. £200 might not be a lot to her , but it is an awful lot of money for most people- and if the sum is really that insignificant to her, then she can cover it for you.

TBH I think she's being tight if she does demand the £100 from you- she knows that you now cannot afford to go, and the reason for that is that she's doubled the cost even though she is on a tight budget.

Please don't buy her a birthday present!

[DizzyZebra]

I'd tell her that i just can't afford the £200 and that i wouldn't have agreed in the first place had i known the cost was that high.

[DoodlesNoodles]

I actually don't think the reply is that bad. People are often overly defensive when things like this happen. It is not the best response butit could have been worse. I wouldn't reply and would not mention it again. If you have said you will pay the £100 I would send her a cheque in the post with a short note. I would hope she wouldn't cash it.

It sounds like you can carry on being friends, I think.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

That is a good point Fizz - sounds like she might be jealous of the wedding and be wanting to have a party where she gets all the attention.

[VenusRising]

It's not the end of the world not to go if you just cannot afford it. There are lots of people tightening their belts, and saving for a rainy day.

Ask your friend around for a lovely dinner or lunch and have a pampering session!

[CrapBag]

OK I'm not reading 10 pages of replies, but YANBU. Its a stupid amount of money for anyones birthday (unless close family) expecially when it isn't even a special one.

A friend of mine tried organising something for our friends birthday last year. It wasn't a special age but she wanted £75 per person, plus travel expenses, night out, food etc etc. All for one night. I laughed and said no and told her that she shouldn't ask others. She did though. Whilst no one else reacted like me (I can be a tad blunt), they obviously agreed as they had to cancel as it was too much money for people to pay on a friends birthday and no one else wanted to go.

[howtoboilanegg]

OP..
Just have to come back again after your last post!

Your friend is extraordinarily selfish...not only in what she expects from her friends for her birthday, but the fact that she does this just ahead of the second friend's hen do and wedding, (in which she has a Big Role) KNOWING that it's the same people having to spend big money twice over.
Sounds to me like she's trying to trump the bride to be in all this too.
I am appalled!

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Howto, I really don't think she is trying to trump the bride - she is just someone who never gives money a second thought.

I had a friend who got a high paying job and started organising his birthday parties at expensive venues - his friends from his new job went, his friends from his old job didn't. Still not sure if he worked out why.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Oh, and OP, YANBU of course.

[wheredidiputit]

It's not 'just' £200 is it though.

You have to travel there, then there would food to pay for. Her just '£200' is probably nearer £400 once everything is paid for.

[bringbacksideburns]

How deeply deeply depressing that she is so out of touch with normal life that her response was that.

Well done Mum and Dad!

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Bugger I've already transferred the £100 because sending a cheque is a MUCH better idea! Although I think its right to pay my share of what I committed to, it would have been really interesting to see whether or not she cashed the cheque!

I don't think she's intentionally trying to trump the bride but I do think she should be a bit more thoughtful. I'm not saying the wedding takes preference over everything else but the date has been in the diary for ages and its one of her best friends so perhaps save the birthday weekend for another (non landmark) year?!

[orchidee]

Re: bank transfer. Send a card or email saying the transfer has been made and could she please confirm it arrived, and something to make it clear the money is your contribution toward her having a fab weekend I.e. that's the birthday gift.

[PureQuintessence]

Are you sure that this is not a surprise HEN disguised as a birthday party?

[Abra1d]

I wonder if the OP's friend will be posting in five or ten years' time that it's so unfair that she is expected to save for her own pension and how is she supposed to afford it?

[JenaiMorris]

Yes, double check what that £200 covers before pulling out.

[JenaiMorris]

Failed to read past page 1, sorry

Ignore me.

[diddl]

Who said that?