To think £200 is too bloody much?

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Friend has hired a country house for her birthday and has just informed us it's £200 per person. I'm really annoyed because a) it isn't even a 'special' birthday b) I didnt really want to go in the first place as it means leaving pfb overnight but i felt obliged as she is a good friend and c) I can't bloody afford it.
Im just going for one night as ds is still little so I'll be spending 6 hours on the train (by myself) to spend 24 hours there. I realise that is my own bloody fault and not hers but it adds to my annoyance!

There will be additional costs (travel, going out money etc) so whilst i have to write off the £200 should I make my excuses now and pull out before this thing escalates further?
Mostly im annoyed at myself for saying yes in the first place as i would be perfectly happy spending the weekend at home with ds and £200 could buy A LOT of nappies
She is a very good friend so feel free to flame me for being selfish.

The triangle is Vegas, San Francisco and LA.

For a stag party?

Why the bloody hell hasn't she tried to find somewhere smaller? The thing that's pushed the price up massively is the fact it's severely under occupied. You'd think that she would realise this, and that it means that some of her (presumably?) good friends won't be able to make it therefore finding somewhere smaller and affordable would be better.

Oh, and I jumped at the chance for weekends away after having DC!

Yes, fiveGoMad, exactly. Bloody ridiculous and so childish and entitled to expect people to be able to do it and then sulk when they can't.

I agree with the two other posters on here, since when teh fuck did birthdays now have to include weekends away?

Stag do's, hen parties, weddings, now birthdays. Used to a piss up at the local and a takeaway. A party and buffet in a local hall.

Now it's me, me, me weeks abroad, weekends in spas and ££££.

Just tell her, 'I can't afford it.'

DH's stag do was shooting some clay pigeons in the field at the back of my brother's house and a meal in the pub, hen night was a meal in a local restaurant, £20 a head my mother paid for the wine and then dancing on tables at a beach cafe where we met up with the stag party. Cheap cheerful and seriously good fun.

theoriginalandbest - a "non-wedding" is when you get married on a tropical beach on a hugely expensive wedding package with almost no-one there(cos even your parents can't afford it, just the monied relatives) and then a few months later decide you missed a trick on the gift front and would like to throw a party and issue a guest list and invite people to your wedding. To me, it's definitely not a wedding. A party, a family celebration, it's many things and I hope it's lovely but it's not a wedding.

It's not fair to do this and you should tell her it's going to be hard to afford so you may not be able to come.

For my hen night, I wanted to go to a particular place that was quite expensive so I paid for 50% of the cost for everyone to make it affordable.

Agree with expat stag and hen dos, birthdays etc can take a mind of their own these days, and will it necessarily mean more fun I would doubt it? My hen do (admittedly in 1999) consisted of being dragged round the pubs in Byres Road in Glasgow dressed as a bride, with a potty collecting money in return for kisses, an old tradition - and we had a whale of a time! I just dont see the need for the OTT stuff which inevitably means costs can keep on going up and up!

Thanks for explaining kindlemum - yes agree you should happily miss it as its not real

Another vote for telling her nicely but firmly that it's just too expensive now, that you love her as a friend so you would have stretched to £100 even though that would have been tight but there's no way you can afford £200.

Thing is, I reckon there will be others getting the £200 price too and thinking exactly the same as you and dropping out so £200 today could well be £300 or £400 in a week's time when others drop out.

Also you need to decide what you are going to do if she turns around and says she wants you still to come so will only charge you £100... Probably not likely to happen but worth having an answer up your sleeve in case she does - are there going to be any incidental costs or extras that are going up massively in price too so you can still claim that it's still going to be massively and unaffordable above your £100 budget which you had assumed was for everything, not just the starting point for the weekend?

I am intrigues to know where it is.

I think the fact that she gave a price & then booked for double that means that you don´t owe her anything tbh.

Where is it that she´s booked??

if the cost prohibitive and it is stressing you,decline
give adequate notice you're not attending
send a gift instead

£200?! No way are you BU, that's a hell of a lot of money for a birthday weekend - especially as you say it doesn't even cover travel and going out money, and you'll need that as WELL!
What on earth is the £200 covering then if it doesn't include the travel or the entertainment?
As that's a lot to spend just on accommodation.
I'd just say no, I can't make it.

You guys are hilarious so, as a reward, here's a link to the place she has booked www.thepenn.co.uk Not Buckingham Palace but looks pretty swanky [big grin]
Her original email back in November referred to 'costs' of £100 pp. I naively assumed this would cover everything (except travel) because she didn't mention any extras. Yesterday she confirmed final details and said it was actually £200 pp. thank god DH isn't coming otherwise we'd be on the hook for £400 which is more than our last family holiday cost!!

When you speak to your friend, remember that the conversation opener sets the tone.Don't begin all apologetic, I'm sorry for letting you down etc etc. Stay factual- "oh it's a shame the costs aren't what was originally discussed, I won't be able to attend but hope you all have a great time." Either your friend has invited folk who won't care that 100 became 200 and just want the experience of the venue, so 2k or whatever the cost is divided between the dwindling numbers is fine, or your friend will find that too many people are saying no. Either way, what you do isn't a big deal, it's what the majority do that matters.

The venue is impressive. Maybe she got carried away or talked into booking it without confirming with you all first, but she can't pass that mistake down the line.

I assume there'll be a hefty taxi fare to and from the train station too? I think the costs on this weekend will be astronomical. You'll be presented (if you go) will bills for cases of champagne someone brought and all sorts. 200 and counting.

looks outstanding,but dont get anxious about prohibitive costs
do give her plenty notice of the decline though
shame its so pricy and such a schlep to get there

It does look lovely, but if the original email said it cost £100 pp then you are definitely off the hook.

Email her straight away and be really factual about it as orchidee says. Don't mention DC or that you are staying one night only.

Don't bottle out and let us know how you get on !

She has hired that just for a birthday get together? And not even for her 40th or another big birthday?

Just how massive is her ego??

Just say no. Sounds like you're going to pay the £200 anyway but you really shouldn't.

And fuck me at the castle, that's ridiculous for a non special birthday!

I know I'm nit-picking, but I'm not too sure about the curtains in most of the rooms.

The infinity pool looks cracking, though.

For my hen night I wanted to go to a particular restaurant, but when one friend mentioned it was very expensive (it wasn't that expensive, she'd just heard it was) we went somewhere else. I wouldn't have wanted people to not be able to afford it.

I don't think you should pay £200 either (though I probably would to keep the peace and/or a friend).

I do think you should pay £100 because you made that commitment but you didn't commit further.

What are you going to do?
It's pretty unamimous on here...