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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think my daughter should be made to use a changing room..

435 replies

hairnets · 04/12/2011 22:34

When getting changed after swimming with her Dad?

He told me today that she received a telling off ("major roasting" were his words) for refusing to use her own changing room after he took her swimming. He felt that it wasn't appropriate for her to get changed out in the open because there were other men about in the room.

She's 5.

I obviously think he's BU and I know exactly why I do but interested in what others think before I bang on about why he's BU - If that makes any sense!!

OP posts:
spiderpig8 · 06/12/2011 17:35

piglet- If she was getting changed in the communal mens part and apaedophile did see her naked and have unclean thoughts about her,so what? Her dad is there she isn't going to come to harm.That is why I am saying that that isn't the point.The point is that it could make other users uncomfortable.

pigletmania · 06/12/2011 17:43

I agree with that spider it could make others using the communal changing area uncomfortable, they should not have to be.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2011 18:16

I think that squeaky and wamster still haven't looked at my link upthread

Original poster
hairnets · 07/12/2011 09:50

I don't think they've read my links either...

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 07/12/2011 19:57

hey this a fucking corker of a link

research that suggests that lads mags use the same language as sex offenders

get your laughing gear round that, squeaky and wamster

Wamster · 08/12/2011 08:54

Riii-ght so all men who read Zoo or Nuts are now rapists?! Yeah right. What bullshit.

Whatmeworry · 08/12/2011 08:59

Riii-ght so all men who read Zoo or Nuts are now rapists?! Yeah right. What bullshit

Get with the program. All men are rapists and peeedos constantly just waiting to jump your PFB, not just Nuts and Zoo readers.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2011 10:14

What a ridiculously hysterical response whatme. Did you not read the link at all?

It says the use the same language. Not the rubbish you came out with.

Why is it that some people automatically assume the worst and start Daily-Mail-style idiot theories in response to any suggestion that questions their cosy world view? Do you think you're being funny or clever with your 'all men are rapists' line?

Whatmeworry · 08/12/2011 11:04

What a ridiculously hysterical response whatme.

Its called Irony, LRD.... its when you say the opposite of what you mean, in order to highlight the ad absurdio of a line of reasoning.

MamaMaiasaura · 08/12/2011 11:11

Parp

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2011 11:17

That's not what irony means. What you did wasn't ironic, it was pisstaking. Not appropriate in the context, IMO.

Original poster
hairnets · 08/12/2011 12:25

Wamster I'd prefer to beleive that there isn't actually anyone on the planet who would read that article and interpret it as that all nuts/ zoo readers are rapists... but apparently there is.

I can't beleive that it needs to be explained but what they are saying is that the language used in lad's mags in derogatory to women (we knew that) what we didn't know is that is is so hostile and disrespectful to women that, when asked, people are unable to define whether the words have been written by the magazines, or by convicted rapists.

If you go back to just one of the many offensive rants that can be found in these magaizine that i have quoted about Ellen McArthur you will see such language.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/12/2011 12:54

There is language used on these boards that is derogatory to both men and women.

Many rapists are more than capable of being charming, respectful and use the right language... that is how they manage to lure their victims into a false sense of security.

I do not see any example of the words used that they have created their study upon.

"she has a nice pair of tits" is a phrase that anybody could use though.. rapist, non-rapist.. even Trinny and Susannah...

WinterWonderlandIsComing · 08/12/2011 13:01

"Its called Irony, LRD.... its when you say the opposite of what you mean, in order to highlight the ad absurdio of a line of reasoning"

No. It is called a straw man argument. Deliberately exaggerating the point the previous poster was making in order that subsequent readers sympathise with your view. It's a classic trick and a low one

The links were absolutely shocking IMO.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/12/2011 13:21

'There is language used on these boards that is derogatory to both men and women.'

Is that ok with you? Confused

It's equal-opportunity sexism, is that the point?

Why not object to both?

Serenitysutton · 08/12/2011 13:55

Back to the OP- Crabapple is right about the sex offenders in swimming pools- and yes, she might not get touched up by them if her dad's there but they are well known to hang out in the changing rooms for a ogle, after all that?s what they want isn?t it?
I?m always amazed when people act as if its just random members of the male population in the changing rooms, as if comparing it to the tube. There are certain areas paedophiles like to hang out- swimming pools, parks- anywhere with kids. If you don?t realise that you?re naive.

Tbh there is a lot of conjuncture on this thread but it seems more likely that you?d be worried about the child staring (which they do, often, especially when seeing things they don?t usually- I think we can all agree a room full or hairy arses come sunder that category) would either make her look very rude, or make the men uncomfortable. I suspect the father was just trying to avoid that embarrassment.

And honestly, everyone being scared of small spaces, what a nice coincidence.

knockneedandknackered · 08/12/2011 14:02

he was right has long has shes in changing room next to her dad. i wouldent feel comftable her being exposed and the othermales may feel uncomftable.

Original poster
hairnets · 08/12/2011 14:31

They're not saying "she's got nice tits" (which by the way is not something that would be sdaid by anyone in my circle)

They are making jokes like ?What?s the difference between
a prostitute and a bowling ball?
Nothing, they both get picked
up, fingered and banged
down an alley?

They represet a culture with complete contempt for women. I don't know why you (squeeky and wamster) are so hell bent on closing your eyes to that.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 08/12/2011 14:34

In fact, having remembered the "tit op comp" I am compelled to post this link again.

[http://www.object.org.uk/files/Lads_Mags_Exposed.pdf]]

OP posts:
WinterWonderlandIsComing · 08/12/2011 15:01

My fuckwit of an ex read those magazines (amongst sticky others) and asked me to enter one of those competitions but only after he had beaten down my self-esteem so much at the ripe old age of twenty four that I thought I needed one because they weren't high or round enough.

He was being "kind" and "thoughtful" because it would have saved ME £5000.

Hmm

What an escape!

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 15:21

Bloody hell you're really milking the last drop out of this thread aren't you OP?

It reminds me of the thread about someone's nextdoor neighbour leaving their washing on the line.

It ran and ran for ages until almost every post was a repeat of what someone said before.

In the grand scheme of things, you disagree with your ex over parenting

Shit happens

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2011 17:15

gosh, my ever-so-subtle little bomb certainly caused a few ripples, didn't it ?

that bloody job, it made me miss the proper berserking as it happened Xmas Sad

Whatmeworry · 08/12/2011 17:30

In the grand scheme of things, you disagree with your ex over parenting

Tuts Worra, you must know that on MN no half-chance to froth about rapists and peeeedos must be missed!

ShellyBoobs · 08/12/2011 19:51

I just don't get why some people say that any man who reads Zoo or Nuts is automatically a misogynist.

Does reading/ogling crap like that really mean that they hate women?

I'm honestly shocked that people would assume that.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 08/12/2011 20:02

mags like that provide the framework to denigrate women, shelly

personally, I place men who read shite like that in the "thick as mince" pile

in that pile are some men that hate women...sloshing around in there are also the men who are too stupid to know any different

is it something to be proud of, something to aspire to, do you think ?

something we should be teaching our sons...that the sole raison d'etre for women is to be a pair of tits and a fanny ?

that is the message that lads mags perpetuate

as a woman, if you agree with that...just say so

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