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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think my daughter should be made to use a changing room..

435 replies

hairnets · 04/12/2011 22:34

When getting changed after swimming with her Dad?

He told me today that she received a telling off ("major roasting" were his words) for refusing to use her own changing room after he took her swimming. He felt that it wasn't appropriate for her to get changed out in the open because there were other men about in the room.

She's 5.

I obviously think he's BU and I know exactly why I do but interested in what others think before I bang on about why he's BU - If that makes any sense!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 06/12/2011 10:55

I don't think there is anything to add that hasn't been said as whilst reading throught he latest posts others have said things very well. Wamster I have no intention of garnering him out of my DD's life. How obsurd.
I was the first one to tell the posters who told me to just not let him take her swimming that it was a silly suggestion as he is her dad and had rights.

As for "In other words, if you're the sort of gal who sleeps with a man after a few dates, you are the stereotypical Zoo or Nuts girl" I have nothing against women who pose for these magazines. My reasons for not wanting my dd to see them is not because they are "easy" or "slutty" I couldn't care less if my DD wants to sleep with men after 1, 2 or 1000 dates when she is older. I don't think it is immoral.
I don't want her being exposed to the fact that her dad objectifies women.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 06/12/2011 10:57

Also, most newsagents have now signed up to placing lad's mags out of children's eye lines due to public pressure. Therefore I don't think it is unfair to expect them to not be in my DD's home laying around where she can see them.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 11:08

I couldn't care less if my DD wants to sleep with men after 1, 2 or 1000 dates when she is older. I don't think it is immoral

But her Dad might care.. most parents would.

Your opinion is that he "objectifies" women, but it is just that... your opinion. I dont think consider it as objectifying, and nor would everyone else. Some would.. but some wouldnt.

I also do not see the connection between the changing rooms and lads mags. I can see a massive difference.. but no connection.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:11

squeaky, why are you saying that the DD's dad's view is important, but not the mum's? And that her agenda should have no place for the child, but his should?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2011 11:12

Wamster - I may be wrong, but I thought that hairnets objected to Nuts and other lads mags being left where her dd can easily see them, not to the fact that her ex reads them. You can't argue that they are suitable reading for a 5-year-old.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 11:16

LRD, I think both parents views are important, but this couple are poles apart on their views, and the OP clearly does not like her ex, which is going to cause conflict for many years to come.

Wamster · 06/12/2011 11:18

hairnets, even if you believe that these mags objectify women-to be honest, I think that these magazines don't really objectify women, but that is my view and you've got your view. Well, we will just differ on opinion.
Why don't you just explain to him that you want them kept out of her sight?

But, I don't see this as being relevant to the topic in hand. We're talking about a little girl here, not a woman posing of her own free will in a magazine.
I can't see the connection, either.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:19

Sure, but you are consistently telling her her views are wrong, which seems unfair. She started teh thread because she and her ex have opposing views, which is a common enough reason and I think it is good and positive that she is trying to work out how they can both be parents to their child.

I just don't see why you are so keen to insist she should be the one to give up on her views.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:23

wamster, we're talking about a little girl who has access to porn magazines. You may not believe they objectify women. But I personally am pretty disgusted at the idea that it's good parenting for a child to see porn. I think it's disgusting. If a child should not be seeing glimpses of naked bodies when people are getting changed, it is so, so much worse that she should see women posing in sexy positions with their boobs out.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2011 11:26

Wamster - if I recall correctly from earlier in the thread, the OP has told her ex that she objects to her dd seeing these magazines, and has had a load of abuse for it, including him saying he assumes she'll be taking their dd on what he so charmingly calls 'lezzer marches' when she's older.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2011 11:28

charming man Hmm

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 11:30

LRD, where has the child seen porn? These magazines are NOT porn. The OP has not said she caught her child flicking through the magazines, just that there were in the bathroom where the child MAY have noticed them.

I agree that they are not suitable reading for kids, but as I said, I dont think many of the other mainstream coffee table womens magazines that cover adult subjects are either.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:32

I think they're porn. You may disagree, but that is only your opinion really.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2011 11:34

Wamster - I've checked back up the thread, and on Monday, hairnets posted this:

"Thanks LRD. I've decided already not to thrash it out. I imagine the response will be the same as when I asked if he'd put the lads mags away when DD was with him which was a smug grin and a joke along the lines of how I'd no doubt be taking DD on lezzer marches as soon as she was old enough.."

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:34

How anyone can justify leaving porn out where a child 'may' notice it I don't know, either.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2011 11:35

Squeakytoy - the problem is that the dad refuses to put them out of his dd's sight when she's at his house - that's not good, is it.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 11:40

Yep, I agree it is only my opinion, however it is also the opinion of the regulatory bodies classify it as not being pornography.

I have more objection to Playboy (which is all about porn) using their Logo on items that are marketed at, and for, children.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2011 11:43

do some of you think 5yo's don't have eyes in their head ?

of course she will have a look at a mag left lying around

there is no "maybe she will/maybe she won't" about it

so if you would be happy for a 5yo to have such easy and nonchalent access to such material, why don't you just say so ?

you say you hate the "chat" headlines ? So do I...I wouldn't let a 5yo have access to any of it

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:44

But it's not the mum's opinion - she does not like porn and does not want her DD to be able to find images of naked women showing off their boobs. Which is IMO fair enough.

I really find it amazing that you think this stuff is perfectly ok for a five year old.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 11:44

SDTG, I agree, that is not good, but as I said in a previous post, he may have left a mag lying around once, not on a regular basis, and not more recently now that he has a child who is more likely to be picking things up to look through and read.

The fact that he reads them though does not mean he is a bad father, or (in my opinion) a mysoginist who objectifies women.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:46

No, it wasn't 'once', she asked him to remove them and he refused. It's been quoted on this page.

You are just making excuses for a man you've never even met.

Of course he is a bad father if he is happy for his DD to see pornographic images.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2011 11:47

www.nuts.co.uk/180734/nuts-magazine-covers/item/180962 this is the Nuts cover I was thinking of

suitable for a 5yo ?

really ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2011 11:48

squeaky...you haven't been reading the Op's posts properly

classic mistake

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 11:50

I think squeaky's misreading is fairly natural. We all read stuff like this hoping the bloke is a decent guy, that there's some innocent and nice explanation. Sadly the more the OP says the clearer it is that he is not a nice guy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/12/2011 11:56

Absolutely, LRD - a nice guy would have been horrified that he'd accidentally left such a magazine where a 5 year old could see it, and would assure her worried mum that he would definitely make sure it didn't happen again - he wouldn't start being nasty to his ex.