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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

321 replies

witherhills · 11/10/2011 23:55

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

OP posts:

worraliberty · 11/10/2011 23:57

Well the 'scenario' on MN seems to be people moaning if their kids aren't invited to what is after all the Bride and Groom's day.

MrsStephenFry · 11/10/2011 23:57

Are you generally unable to understand that other people have different ideas to you?

DogsBeastFiend · 11/10/2011 23:59

How long have you got?

Cost. Sheer number of children in the family/amongst friends. Knowing some bloody awful ones in close circles who are guaranteed to be allowed to disturb the service/spoil the day by their adoring parents. Wanting to keep numbers down. Unsuitable venue. Wanting to let hair down, drink, swear and not be mindful of DC. Or simply not being keen on having children around you?

Thats just for starters!

SazZaVoom · 11/10/2011 23:59

We didn't have room for 36 children as part of our maximum 66 guests. So we had a child free scenario.

Well apart from nieces and nephews, my cousin's baby from NZ and a breastfeeding baby.

mycatsaysach · 12/10/2011 00:00

tis a fashionable choice at the mo probably due to the fact that people like to have a night out and get drunk.
was different in my day and hope it changes back as i think weddings should be for everyone.

squeakytoy · 12/10/2011 00:01

Many weddings now are in venues where the whole day is contained there, including the service. Many of these venues are not covered by insurance for children, due to steep steps, ponds, and many other little dangers that could befall a wandering child.

Some parents do actually enjoy being able to go out occasionally for a child free event.

Some couples dont want their service, and reception upstaged by crying children, marauding toddlers, or tantrums from children of any age.

They are paying for it, so it is their choice.

startail · 12/10/2011 00:10

Personally I think weddings should be a family event, not a grown up expensive show piece.
If your family group contains lots of children organise a fun informal wedding, if your the first of your group to marry and no one has children be as stuffy and dull as you like.
Personally I know which event I'd rather attend.

piprabbit · 12/10/2011 00:11

My wedding reception was a long, boozy, evening, dinner party for 80 people.

We didn't want a disco or band - just the chance to chat and laugh and get and bit sloshed.

It went down very well with everyone.

Out of everyone we invited only 2 couples (not close friends) had toddlers (not appropriate for a dinner party IMO) and one couple had a new born and brought him along any way.

So no, we didn't invite children because I didn't want to reorganise my whole wedding around 2 toddlers I had never met.

floweryblue · 12/10/2011 00:12

why are children so great? why would anyone outside your family think it might matter if your children attended your wedding?

worraliberty · 12/10/2011 00:13

So it's 'stuffy and dull' to want to enjoy your day without children?

Sorry startail your kids may be the most important thing in your life but they really aren't to everyone else.

floweryblue · 12/10/2011 00:14

sorry 'their' wedding, of course you would want your children at your wedding

floweryblue · 12/10/2011 00:15

ok now even more, I have no idea , where is the bloody

SazZaVoom · 12/10/2011 00:16

'If your family group contains lots of children organise a fun informal wedding'

Why the hell should I?

Whatmeworry · 12/10/2011 00:17

If you are going to make people travel long distances then it is very hard to have a No Kids wedding in my experience, especially if your family/friends already have kids.

BluddyMoFo · 12/10/2011 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 12/10/2011 00:18

..assuming you want them to turn up of course :o

DogsBeastFiend · 12/10/2011 00:21

Turn it on its head.

If you think that folk should invite children to an something which is about celebrating an adult event and that they should potentially disrupt/spoil and almost definitely alter the style and atmosphere of the celebration, then why shouldn't all adults in the family and beyond be invited to childrens parties... and therefore alter the style of those with their drinking, dancing and partying into the night?

How would you feel if your family and friends expected to be invited to (and in some cases got arsey if not) your child's party and required you to accommodate their expectations of it and their disruption of it?

Original poster

witherhills · 12/10/2011 00:24

See, everyone I invited I invited them as a family without thinking twice.
Maybe I'm lucky, in that I liked their children?
But some I didn't know the children that well. We just made sure there were babysitting options, which many took, and we provided a babysitter at the event and an area within the venue. Turned out, the 10-15 year olds helped and entertained the smaller children. Again, maybe we were just lucky
Oh and plenty of people let their hair down, got drunk.
Unless you're planning on having a sex show, not quite sure what's unsuitable

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 12/10/2011 00:26

Many parents dont want to both get drunk in front of their kids though. They want a night off from the responsibility.

floweryblue · 12/10/2011 00:27

My mum had a traditional, 'family' wedding. Her dad paid for it, her parents dictated the guest list, my dad's guests were chosen by his parents. They weren't allowed any friends, the only children invited were bridesmaids or pageboys.
How can you 'make people travel long distances'? They either agree to come or decline, when I got married some of my invitees actually spoke to me before making a decision. After a conversation, we were able to come up with answers which would work for all of us.

mycatsaysach · 12/10/2011 00:28

i see now -weddings used to be traditional in which case it wasn't really down to the happy couple to decide that much as usually their parents were contributing to the cost.nowadays i suppose people are marrying later/more than once so the parents aren't involved in this way.
weddings now seem to be all about what the bride and groom want but go back 15/20 years and this wasn't the case.
just out of interest - posters that don't agree with children being invited - do you still invite your elderly relatives??

SheCutOffTheirTails · 12/10/2011 00:28

The problem is the idea that you get a special day to be a childish, selfish twat and everyone else had to dance attendance on you and buy you the exact presents you want.

If you are hosting an event (and most couples these days host their own weddings), your responsibility is to plan an event your guests will enjoy. That means that if the people you love most have children, you need to accommodate that in your plans.

That would include (IMO) an evening event, for eg.

Perhaps the problem comes from the change in hosting duties? When parents paid for, and therefore hosted, weddings, they had final say on gueslists, venues etc and the bride could just ask for whatever took her fancy (and put up with being told no if her parents thought she was being unreasonable).

Now the bride and groom are paying, but instead of taking on the mantle of hosts, some are just throwing off the shackles of having someone else tell them that just doing whatever the fuck they want, and expecting everyone else to fall into line, is rude and tacky.

Original poster

witherhills · 12/10/2011 00:29

No child I knew disrupted/spoilt
And most definitely had no influence over the style and atmosphere of the celebration
I'm sad that people would think that children would always do that

I guess I'm interested in how children "spoil" weddings

OP posts:

mycatsaysach · 12/10/2011 00:29

snap shecut

Original poster

witherhills · 12/10/2011 00:34

Squeakytoy, I'm not saying the children have to come, completely understand both parents wanting to have a few drinks, but if child is invited, they have the option
The last couple of weddings we have left DS at home! That's our choice

OP posts:

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