To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

[witherhills]

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

I personally think deliberately excluding children is selfish, bad mannered, and bad form.

I generally dislike other peoples children - none where invited to my wedding - vile little grubby things

Probably been said already... at my wedding we could only seat 70 people for dinner. Kids would not have appreciated it - they would have been bored - and were taking a seat a friend or family member could have sat in!

shineynewthings

"I personally think deliberately excluding children is selfish, bad mannered, and bad form."

I think the same of parents that insist that their children attend.

I personally think insisting your children be invited at the expense of the bride and groom's own choice of guests is selfish, bad-mannered, bad-form and unbelievably entitled.

I keep hearing the arguments "MY children are LOVELY" and "I went to a wedding with children and it was AMAZING. The atmosphere was heavenly, and angels actually descended from the sky to watch etc. etc."

Even if there's a chance it might be lovely... Even if I know your little dribbler to be quiet and sweet... The simple fact is that children's behaviour IS more unpredictable, and more likely to be disruptive than that of adults. Some people just don't want the added unpredictability, and when they're paying for an event, they get to make that call.

Why are people presuming to be the ones to say what a wedding "should" be "about"? I've been to weddings where there've been some very 'exotic' themes, shall we say. It would be utterly inappropriate to have brought kids there. "Should" they have made their wedding "about" family and things instead? Were they breaking the "rules"? No. They paid the bills, they got to have a celebration that suited them.

As a parent, you have made a lifestyle choice that you should have been aware would affect your ability to interact with the adult world. Giving birth was my choice, and I have to accept that certain things will be more difficult for me now. I don't accept every venue, event and earthy occurrence to be altered to suit my choice of life setup.

I keep hearing the arguments "MY children are LOVELY"

Me too and the issue I have with that argument is that a child not being invited to a wedding does not automatically mean that the Bride and Groom don't agree that they are lovely. It is equally of not more likely that the Bride and Groom have had to make some difficult choices about the guest list ie between one set of close relations/friends and another. As inviting half of a group eg invite Auntie Mary but not her Sister Auntie Ann and such like it sometimes becomes fairer to invite just the adults. The line has to be drawn somewhere. Much as some couples would like it they cannot invite everyone.

Baccus - you're being way to logical, reasonable and rational for the 'all of us or none of us' brigade.

I'm not a parent, nor do I want to be as I am not a big fan of children (personal opinion). Why would I want to spend money on something I don't want when weddings are already so expensive? Our wedding is about us, that's why we choose the guest list, who gets plus ones AND whether we want children. I don't want the mess or noise at my big day, some people love the charm of a wedding riddled with little feet...but my partner and I don't. It's not rude of us, it would be rude to turn up with them against our wishes or for us to judge other people's choices. If my friends don't come because they can't get a babysitter with plenty of notice then that's fine but...I would definitely remember it.

Argh! Z-z-z-zombie thread!!

As someone whose own 19month old DD ruined made my wedding very hard work I would say YABU, children at weddings are a very bad idea

Ugh a zombie thread

I have never been invited to a child free wedding, most of my friends are now married or likely to stay single. I think it's a new phenomena, hopefully it will have died a death when my children are ready to get married.

I had 100 people at my wedding and invited all associated children - would have been about 40 in total. Some kids came to the very formal church service and screamed the place down, I regret that but not one single person brought their kids to the reception. Because they wanted to enjoy a grown up evening and let their hair down. I couldn't believe it! It was incredibly fun.

I'm very relaxed about having kids around but surely you can see why they wouldn't necessarily be a plus at a wedding? Especially where in the majority of cases the couple getting married don't actually have kids themselves. It's scary dealing with children when you don't own your own can't imagine navigating it in a white dress...

We had our wedding party at a vineyard which wasn't permitted to allow children in the area we were located. I was concerned for the parents among our guests but they all assured me they were happy to have a childfree night to dress up and see their friends. I can't understand why that was rude and tacky? People were invited to our wedding party to have fun and celebrate, it wasn't an insult! If people didn't want to come because they couldn't bring their children then we perfectly understood, that didn't actually happen as it turned out. A good time was had by all :)

We got so sick of the arguments from my family (DH's were all long gone or in another country at the time) about our wish to have our wedding done our way - ie no kids, no distant relatives, no sit down meal, definitely no speeches and - horror of horrors - about us as a couple, that we eloped to Las Vegas. Best decision we ever made.

My DDs haven't been to a wedding yet (5 and 7) because we think that they are too little to be expected to sit still, in nice clothes, for hours upon hours and when they are in a strop I can't stand their company so wouldn't want others to put up with it either.

As we don't take ours to (the very few ) weddings we go to, then we feel that we won't want to put up with other people's kids at those weddings either because, let's face it, small children are extremely dull. SO bring on the child-free wedding!

Zombie thread

When there are more than two or three children at any event, it becomes all about the children. People just focus on playing with them, watching them and no conversation about anything else thrives. You don't have to be a bridezilla, or even a bride, to find this tedious.

I am fence sitting on this one. I have been to four weddings so far this year! All have included children and been great fun. To be honest if children hadn't been invited then around 40 percent of the guests may not have been able to make it due to locations, time of year etc. All of the kids behaved well and the weddings were good fun. I can see how, with limited numbers, it becomes an issue but I do think it would be a shame if children in immediate families were not invited. Some of my loveliest memories from childhood are family weddings.

I got married as long time ago! 17 th wedding anniversary coming up v shortly. My family is massive - we only invited children if my immediate family ( there are 6 of us) and breastfeeding babies. My friend turned up with her child without asking which of course we accommodated on the day. This was the friend with no children at her wedding and who had different wine, that is better, for the top table .
I have lovely children and I think if you don't want to invite a whole creche to your wedding, that's fine. It isn't always possible or desirable to have every child.