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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

321 replies

witherhills · 11/10/2011 23:55

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

OP posts:
shadylane · 12/10/2011 08:46

BimboNo5 wants a fight!!

pommedechocolat · 12/10/2011 08:47

As we already had dd by the time we got married (evil atheist sinners?) and wanted her there we had to invite everyone else's kids!
One of the most fun parts of all the preparation I did was the goodie bags for all the kids during the meal. They were all impeccably behaved and just really, really excited by the event and those that could stayed up dancing till the end (only half eleven though!).
I knew they were all lovely kids already though so wasn't very worried. It wouldn't have been the same without them around at all.

I have also lived in Europe so am, like, well continental .

I guess for people getting married who haven't got sprogs of their own then the outlook is going to be very different. I know mine was pre my little monster bundle of joy.

Trills · 12/10/2011 08:48

I wouldn't invite the parents or siblings of my friends, so why would I invite their children?

I don't understand why weddings are so special.

It's a party. Invite the people you know and want.

lesley33 · 12/10/2011 08:48

Yes racism is still rife, but open expression of racism used to be very very common. Even on the tv very racist jokes were very common.

QuietNinjaZombie · 12/10/2011 08:55

Silly shadylane over generalising about Brits. I'm a Brit and as I've said I had children at my wedding. Hmm

Faffalina · 12/10/2011 09:01

Didn't occur to me not to have them there when I married my ex, and they didn't do anything to spoil the day. However I'm not one of those precious-about-weddings people... A touch of realism here - it's a day.

CMOTdibbler · 12/10/2011 09:03

The difference between a birthday party and a wedding is that parties are a single evening, where a wedding is a whole day and evening affair which is much harder (and expensive) to get a babysitter for. Also, I'd rarely travel a long way for a party, but do for weddings. We don't have anything but paid babysitting, and if we had to attend a childfree wedding, either we would decline or only one of us would go - it certainly wouldn't let us 'let our hair down'

shadylane · 12/10/2011 09:04

I'm a Brit too- Generalisation is pretty much impossible to aoid sometimes. It's only here that it is almost deemed normal not to like children.

shadylane · 12/10/2011 09:06

Lets face it- our culture is obsessed with age and age-group segregation in every walk of life.

Magnumwhite · 12/10/2011 09:07

where did i say that i didn't like children?

Faffalina · 12/10/2011 09:10

CMOTdibbler agree about "letting hair down". I was made to feel guilty about not being able to attend the whole of the last wedding I attended. My dd was 8 months old, breastfed, and the wedding a distance from home. Far from letting my hair down, I spent the day worrying about whether she would take a bottle, and making sure I could get home by bed-time as she won't go to sleep without a bfeed...

shadylane · 12/10/2011 09:10

I don't think you did. Lolz.

BatsUpMeNightie · 12/10/2011 09:12

If you don't like our culture shadyland you could always get on your bike and go find another one? You sound like you think you're a bit of a know it all actually.

BimboNo5 · 12/10/2011 09:12

I want a fight because im answering people's points on a topic- what colour is the grass in your world Shadylane?

BimboNo5 · 12/10/2011 09:14

I like children, I have them, I work with them everyday.
I also acknowledge there are times where they cannot be by our side 24/7, and there are times and places where it is innappropriate for them to be or they are not welcome.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/10/2011 09:16

Well, for those who say that weddings without children are boring... what does that say about YOU, the guest? Do you not have the wit for conversation and mingling? Perhaps you are so leeched out by being a parent that you've lost your own identity and personality along the way? That's very sad. Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/10/2011 09:18

shadylane... sweeping generalisations are just terribly dull - as are the people that make them.

aldiwhore · 12/10/2011 09:18

When I got married there were no children in the family (still aren't other than my own) and most of my friends hadn't started breeding yet. The only children we knew, were ones we didn't know very well.

I made the decision to have no children (bar one who's parent's had travelled a long way, and it wasn't my call, part of DH's side of the guest list) and I didn't wish to edit anything or watch my p's and q's... our wedding was a country, square dancing, big drinking do (all my friends are well behaved but like a drink) and everyone let their hair down without worrying about being 'responsible' in front of childre.

I've been to some great weddings where the children have been well catered for and the atmosphere has been wonderul, likewise, my wedding was awesome yet child free.

There is no right or wrong in this discussion in my very humble opinion.

Magnumwhite · 12/10/2011 09:18

Of Faffalina thats not right. Of course exceptions can't be made for nursing mothers - I had a lovely friend who was bf at the time but told me at the wedding that she'd been introducing an expressed bottle specifically to be able to leave dd to come to the wedding.
Now she seemed happy about it at the wedding but I hope she wasn't feeling guilty and worried all day and that it had been her choice to have a child free day.
If i couldn't take a baby I was feeding to a wedding i just wouldn't go.

pommedechocolat · 12/10/2011 09:19

BimboNo5 - But in general weddings aren't inappropriate for children! It's not a board meeting or a town centre bar at 11pm.

I understand people having childfree weddings when they have them in less than child friendly circumstances but I have been to no children weddings in gardens and country parks where I have wondered 'why the hell not?!'.

lesley33 · 12/10/2011 09:22

I don't really understand this worry about how adults are behaving in front of DC. Unless you and your friends get really really pissed, how would your behaviour be inappropriate?

Trills · 12/10/2011 09:22

why the hell not?

Mainly because it costs £X per person, you have a budget of £Y, and every child you invite means one actual friend who you can't invite.

BimboNo5 · 12/10/2011 09:23

I said innapropriate or not welcome.
If people exercise their right to not want children at their wedding then they are not welcome.
BUT some venues are not appropriate for children, nor are the services for whatever reason. It may not be how it was done in 1920 but the bride and groom are people in their own right and absolutley have the choice to have a wedding they want and YES it is all about them!

havinhoops1974 · 12/10/2011 09:23

Some people just don't like kids, IME its generally childless couples who want this

I wouldnt UNLESS it would really effect numbers even then I think kids need to go to events like this to know how to behave iyswim.

BimboNo5 · 12/10/2011 09:25

I dont understand why people like to argue to toss over why people dont want kids, and just accept as grown adults it's their choice to make? If its not what you want- dont do it- but why pressume that everyone else should feel the same?

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