To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

[witherhills]

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

Weddings are a social event. I think if you're doing the 'it's all about us' thing then maybe a private ceremony with a couple of witnesses is the best choice

So the answer is if you want your wedding to be like this have it like this- who the hell are you to dictate what others should do?

This seems to be the one topic where people feel its their right to say how other people should feel about weddings/children etc, and THATS what is sad!

Shagmunfreud - it's been said before, but if you got invited to a 30th birthday party and it was adults only, would you call the birthday girl a princess and selfish?

'Weddings are a social event. I think if you're doing the 'it's all about us' thing then maybe a private ceremony with a couple of witnesses is the best choice.'

This is the biggest piece of codswallop I have ever read on mn. I think you will find a wedding issavour 2 people committing themselves to each other for the rest of their lives.

Maybe this is why the divorce rate is so high

It's so British to not want kids at a wedding- a 1950s 'seen and not heard' thing that segregates society in a depressing way. Go to other places in Europe, where the kids interact on average in a more mature way with their older relatives, and weddings are beautiful celebrations of family and life and community. Trust stuffy Brits to not want kids at their wedding. We got married last month- our 18 month old loved being looked after by a hundred friends and older kids while mummy and daddy got drunk.

Ahh, wondered when the 'in Europe' line would be trotted out....

The OP stated up thread that she doesn't take her children to weddings but she just wants them to be invited.

Therefore the crux of this seems to be. She wants her little precious to be included. Always considered. Bless her.

Aww how lovely your kids being palmed off onto loads of other kids whilst their parents got pissed- what a twee and heart warming image!

I don't think it's a modern thing at all. My sister married in 1974 and the only children there were me (aged 10, irritatingly annoying bridesmaid) and her friends sister aged 12 ( demure and nice bridesmaid) It was dull for me, but obviously what they wanted. Same at both my weddings (!) one in 1990, just my nephew then 10 and one in 2001, just ds then 1 and dd bridesmaid 10. It's a personal choice after all, and no-one was offended or surprised!

Silly BimboNo5 seeing the worst! it was a lovely day and not everone was 'pissed' but it is actually nice to take care of others sometimes- I ould do the same for my friends if they had kids! Of course it's the individuals choice and cost needs to be considered, but kids at weddings are gorgeous and fun and I like to celebrate family.

"our 18 month old loved being looked after by a hundred friends and older kids"

I think the above kind of highlights one of the key differences between a lot of parents in the UK and in some other countries. In the UK, increasingly others are not allowed to interfere with the parenting of another parents young child or tell that child off.

In the UK, many people for example would not feel they could look after another parents 18 month old at a wedding unless they knew them very very well. And if DC were misbehaving, in the UK many would not feel they could tell that child off. In some other countries, others would have no problem with telling off a misbehaving DC and thus you are less likely imo to get DCs who carry on behaving in a way that most guests would think is unacceptable.

I think this increasing idea that all parenting is up to the parents has good and bad consequences. One of the bad ones is that if people are worried about DCs misbehaving, the obvious solution now is to exclude them. In the past the solution might have been to sit them at a table with a relative who would make sure they behaved.

Yes well said lesley- everyone's paranoid about saying the wrong thing

Shadylane, child-free weddings are the norm in Australia too and I don't think it's because people here are stuffy.

I love children at weddings. And funerals to be honest. Children should be part of these events. But that is just my view.

Op yabu.

If you lack the ability to contemplate that others hold different opinions to your then you should try and do something about that. Everyone is different.
Thinking that your view upon something which is so personal is the right view is incredibly arrogant and a bit silly.

So let them then! no one asked anyone to take care it ust happened quite naturally- not everything needs to be minutely planned believe it or not! sometimes people ust muck in

"but if you got invited to a 30th birthday party and it was adults only, would you call the birthday girl a princess and selfish?"

But a wedding is a FAMILY event, which is why most people invite aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and friends from all sectors of their life - education, work, community.

You can't compare it to a 30th birthday party. Completely different social dynamic.

"Sometimes infants scream a lot in services and this drowns out all other noise"

Yes, but decent parents take them outside once they START screaming. I wouldn't want to invite parents with DCs who wouldn't do this.

"Oh and actually. My teens don't want to look after your little kids - they want to do their own thing."

Thats fair enough, but when I was young (I am only 47) things were very different. I can remember as a 9/10 year old child calling round at neighbours to take their young child out for a walk. Lots of 9/10 year old girls love looking after young children. But of course that wouldn't be acceptable today.

God sometimes on threas cwhen I type something like this I feel very old!

No one wants to help out, everyone wants to 'do their own thing'. Very sad. I'm only 27 but I long for the good old days!

shadylane - There were some things better in the past and some things worse. When I was younger racism for example was pretty common and you weres eena s pretty lefty to even challenge it. Disabled people had far less freedom - no accessible public transport and more severly disabled people often lived in institutions. Lots of anti gay stuff and it was legal for example to sack someone for being gay. Bullying was seen by many as one of those things that happened.

So some things now are better and some things are worse.

WHO says a wedding is a family event? Where is this set in stone? Or is it because you think it is?

I'm sorry but racism is still rife. (going off the topic tho)

shagmundfreud - honestly? you can't see a difference between "inaccessible" (your word) and impractical for children? which could merely be an unfenced pond/fountain, utterly impractical with small children but I would imagine most elderly people and those with disabilities would be able to refrain from falling in without too much difficulty.

Agree with Pagwatch.