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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand the child free wedding scenario?

321 replies

witherhills · 11/10/2011 23:55

why are children so bad? God forbid they should make a bit of noise
Wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting dc to mine, wouldn't even have entered my head

Been to a few weddings where we have left DS at home, but that's our choice and fortunate to have very keen babysitting mother

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 13/10/2011 07:57
  • you really don't go anywhere without your children? Do you let your children go places without you?
Bubbaluv · 13/10/2011 07:58

That was for Popadop. Not sure what happened to the begining of my message.

SoupDragon · 13/10/2011 08:09

We are a family but we are also individuals. I have no trouble going to places/events without my children, just as they have no trouble going to parties where I'm not invited

rubyrubyruby · 13/10/2011 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 13/10/2011 08:53

Those who "cannot understand" or don't like child-free weddings: does your assumption that your children are important to the bridge&groom apply only to family weddings or also to friends' weddings?

Family only makes a bit of sense, because your children are also a part of their family (although they are more distant relaives than you are)

Friends too makes rather less sense. Do you consider children of your friends to also be your friend?

pommedechocolat · 13/10/2011 09:09

I have remembered the one time my mum flipped out about childless weddings. Their friends were marrying and wanted me as a bridesmaid but said rest of wedding was child free (i.e. meaning my brother couldn't go).

My mum said it was mean to be brother and like 'using' me so none of us went and they never spoke to these close friends again.

I was annoyed as I wanted to wear the dress!

I think she was probably NBU overall but she probably went a bit drastic with it all.

cory · 13/10/2011 09:14

I'm on the fence over this one.

Otoh I can fully understand why brides and grooms want to invite the people they actually know and like- not their workmate's 4yo whom they have never met- and this ought to be their privilege.

Otoh I don't quite get the assumption by many posters that children are bound to be less likeable because they are children- that seems a very British attitude to me. Ime children are individuals- some are nice, some are not, but the same goes for elderly aunties and dh's workmates.

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/10/2011 09:42

Blimey, Popadop - so you never do anything without your children/DH (other than, I assume, go to work, as I can't see many couples being thrilled at their wedding photographer rocking up with her family Grin)? That doesn't sound very healthy...

TandB · 13/10/2011 09:52

I think this would be considerably less of an issue if people could stretch their imaginations to understand the various reasons why someone might have a child-free, or family children only, wedding.

An awful lot of people seem to jump to the assumption that it is a calculated snub and infer all sorts of negative sub-texts behind the invitation. 99% of the time the decision will have absolutely nothing to do with any specific individual or their children, but be driven by a wider consideration such as cost, numbers or simple preference.

I have to say I am a little startled by the suggestion that only people intending to have children should get married. That suggests that the sole purpose of marriage is chldren. There are many, many reasons why a couple may not have children, ranging from infertility to personal choice. Why should anyone be less worthy of making a personal commitment to one another and celebrating that commitment with those closest to them? And if they marry with the intention of having children and subsequently find out that they can't, does that render their marriage pointless?

Thzumbiewitch · 13/10/2011 10:06

pomme, now see that I do object to - inviting one child because you have a use for them but not the others - that's wrong, IMO.

kelly2000 · 13/10/2011 11:23

popadop,
So if you were invited to the hen do and your children were not you would refuse to go, and if you were invited to a work christmas party you would refuse to go unless children were invited? What about birthdays etc, do you refuse to go to any event unless your children and husband also get an invite?
Cory,
From my experience children are far more common at british weddings than weddings I have been to in Europe. very few people are so rude to have a tantrum because their chidlren are nto invited, I think the yelling and screaming, making a drama, and accusing the bride of being a bridezilla if something is not as the potential guests want is very much a british thing.

I do not have a problem with children at weddings, but only because I do not know people who are rotten at parenting and think their children yelling through the ceremony is just what children do, and sweet. But i do not get those who insist that children have to be present at marriage ceremonies, why? What other even apart from a christening do people start stamping their feet insisting that their children have to be a part of it. It is untrue that parents only ever go anywhere if their children are there as otherwise there would not be a need for babysitters. i think a lot of it stems from this british attitude that anything to do with weddings should be stamped down with accusations of bridezillaness for some reason.

MrsStephenFry · 13/10/2011 11:43

I've met a few of those "all of us or none of us" types and they are, to a man, unsufferable bores. None of them suits perfectly in all cases.

And yes I do find that children are automatically less interesting at social occasions simply by virtue of their age. For example they are rubbish at drinking games, can't dance for toffee and you can never bum a fag off them.....

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/10/2011 12:42

MrsStephenFry - do they tend to be the same ones who insist on dragging their DH to lunches with female friends pre-DCs, so that the DH can sit there looking awkward while the friends feel stilted and irritated?

popadop · 13/10/2011 15:22

MMMMMMMMMMMMM

I have never been to a hen do.......................ever, no way

or a works do. ever.

I go out with friends and family by myself sometimes but if I could get out of a wedding I would.

Sleepyspaniel · 13/10/2011 19:45

popadop... nary a hen do... or a works do... I can't bring myself to ask if it's that you are actually invited but you refuse, or...

Loveinacoldclimate - I think you hit the nail squarely on the head with your "DH dragged along to clear girls-only do" analogy! Grin It IS THE SAME WOMEN!!! Can I just say, a further development I have noticed is that all of the previous DH draggers-alongers eventually have the scales fall from their eyes and they turn out to be the biggest moaners about their DHs usually!

popadop · 13/10/2011 19:51

Yes always invited..............................but they all know I will say ''thanks but no thanks'' but I still get invited.

Sleepyspaniel · 13/10/2011 19:56

Straight up, popadop, why do you always refuse? Even if you don't "do" hen do's, has there not been a friend or relative to make the exception for?

LoveInAColdGrave · 13/10/2011 20:01

Popadop - aren't your friends offended that you won't attend their hen dos, not even a bit of the day or something? Fair enough if you don't want to go out with colleagues, sometimes people are happy to leave work at work, but I would find it a bit weird if someone in my social circle refused to attend anyone's hen do, point blank, no matter what the event involved.

popadop · 13/10/2011 20:07

No they know I don't like pubs and clubs and all that stuff...................

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 13/10/2011 20:17

And, presumably, you can't take your husband and kids along, right? What with it being 'all of us or none of us'...

popadop · 13/10/2011 20:23

I go out with small number of friends and relatives at different times...........don't see the fascination with my social life.

LoveInAColdGrave · 13/10/2011 20:29

But hen dos are rarely just a pub or club... usually a meal at least as well, which you could go to (I have also been on hen dos which have featured picnics, riding, dance classes, wine tasting, a day at the beach, a picnic, a comedy club, Edinburgh Fringe... loads of non-pub/club stuff). Is the issue here really that you feel unable to be separated from your DH and DCs? I do genuinely find this a bit strange.

popadop · 13/10/2011 20:32

I suppose I am just a homebird.....................I did enough pubs clubs and such like in my 20's and 30's I have kind of moved on.

LoveInAColdGrave · 13/10/2011 20:34

Fair enough, Popadop. TBF I have missed the club bit on the last few hen dos I've been on - although in my defence I have been pregnant as well!

popadop · 13/10/2011 20:36

lol........lovein ....you are on the slippery slope now to being popadop......................don't fret it ain't that bad.

Smile