Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider private school even if...

336 replies

stella1w · 02/09/2011 20:59

... it means no holidays, treats, nice clothes etc etc ever for the next 18 years?

My parents scrimped and saved to put me and my sister through private school even though they had a very low income.

I also have a low income but feel I should make all sacrifices necessary.. on the other hand, I don't think putting myself under severe financial stress during the recession would make me such a good parent either.

Feeling guilty either way..

Bright spot is local infant school just got "outstanding" ofsted report, though the juniors was only "satisfactory"

OP posts:
Skippyboo · 02/09/2011 21:02

The fact that your parents scrimped and saved to put you through private school yet you are on a low income perhaps doesn't suggest it's the best option.

azazello · 02/09/2011 21:03

Why not visit all your local schools - both state and private and decide which one you like and which your DC will fit with.

If it is definitely the private school and you think it will be really worth the money in terms of results/ extra-curricular activities/ support/ meeting the right people/ whatever then it is the right decision.

If you think the local state schools are better then go for them.

None of it is set in stone anyway. You can swap between state and private at more or less any point.

Hassled · 02/09/2011 21:05

Visit the schools and get a sense of the atmosphere/whether the kids seem happy. An outstanding infant school is not to be sniffed at.

Will your financial circumstances be different when your DC is High School age? Could you revisit the dilemma then? Lots of parents don't go private until then, and their DCs slot in well.

Pkam · 02/09/2011 21:06

We did. Looked at private schools because expected to get place in poor school, then miraculously got a place in good school but couldn't quite let go of the small class sizes, fantastic teaching ethos etc. so did the private school anyway. We both earn good money but if we hadn't chosen private school I could spend more quality time with the DC than I do and therefore there is definitely guilt. But, they're happy, we're coping (and have money in the pot for when the school fees ramp up later on so they will have the opportunity to stay at private school as long as they want to).

In the mean time we count our pennies and the house crumbles around our ears...

Vinomum · 02/09/2011 21:08

We had this dilemma too. Our local primary is great, but the secondary is shite. We decided to send him to the primary school and then see what happens by the time he's ready for secondary school - it might have turned itself around by then, all it takes is a change of head and a satisfactory school can become good or even outstanding in a short space of time. If the school is still rubbish by the time he's ready to go then we might go private but at least it'd only be for a few years.

Our other worry was DS feeling like the poor relation at a posh private school, what with mummy and daddy only having 1 car and 1 house...

DH and I both went to private schools and spent our schoolyears thinking you could only get an excellent education at a private school, an opinion that I now no longer hold.

Vinomum · 02/09/2011 21:10

Also, if we'd gone private, I would have had to continue working full time for another 15 years. with state, I can afford to go p/t and spend more time with DS1 which to me is far more important than how many A*s he gets at GCSE.

MrsCampbellBlack · 02/09/2011 21:11

Private education is a luxury and a very costly one. I personally wouldn't do it if it meant going without any holidays etc - especially if you have good local state options.

In my opinion private schools are way more expensiv nowadays than they were when I was at school - and I mean as a % of income.

nannyl · 02/09/2011 21:11

I was always of the opinion that i would privately educate if i could.

Thankfully it looks like i can, but having worked in the nearest independant school (25 min drive away) (the only "choice") I have to say that i expect (in 5 years time) to be sending my child to one of the two lovely state schools that i have within walking distance from my house. (there are 3 within walking distance) rather than the independant school.

at least when they are young. Saying that 5 years is along way away and things may change, but assuming the schools all continue as they are now, then my local state schools will win for me, at least for key stage 1!

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/09/2011 21:12

Yabu. Its not worth it imo.

slavetofilofax · 02/09/2011 21:13

If the local school is good, I would use it. And save up in case you don't want to use the secondary school.

DizzyKipper · 02/09/2011 21:14

Ditto Skippyboo

SandStorm · 02/09/2011 21:15

I had the opposite opinion to nannyl - I always thought we would educate our children via the state system from start to finish.

Primary school was great - not outstanding in the eyes of OFSTED but met our every requirement. DD2 is still there. However, once you're through the primary years, the schools fall down dramatically. At this point I had to revise my opinions and we sent DD1 private at year 7.

I appreciate that we're lucky enough to be able to take this option but I think the point I want to make is that the sector doesn't matter - it's the school and if the best one means making sacrifices then sometimes that's what needs to be done.

Original poster
stella1w · 02/09/2011 21:17

@skippyboo

am on low income because am on unpaid maternity leave and also in the middle of retraining as a solicitor.

So in theory, in a few years time my income should be OK (though who knows with this recession)

@nannyl

I prefer the idea of dd going to local school where she can be there in a five minute walk, and have all her friends living nearby..

btw, several of the private schools in same three mile radius are having their open days on the same day when they must know full well parents are likely to want to apply to all of them!

OP posts:
yummumto3girls · 02/09/2011 21:19

I think it's about getting a balance, life experience is as much an education as attending school and I think children learn so much about the world by visiting places, holidays etc if you have a good primary I would go for that and enjoy life, once you get to secondary when I think it is more important you could reconsider your options.

SandStorm · 02/09/2011 21:20

Don't worry about open days - make an appointment to look round the schools individually. The private ones will be wanting your custom and will make time for you.

nannyl · 02/09/2011 21:23

stella so do I Smile
also the school day is shorter, and considerably shorter if i think about time we would leave house in the morning and get home in the evening, and when they are small i think that time is really important.

so life is more than breakfast, school, tea, bath, bed, sleep, breakfast........ etc etc

messalina · 02/09/2011 21:31

Personally, I wouldn't. Too many sacrifices. The independent school would have to be AMAZING for me to go without holidays and some nice clothes. Danger is that your DC could feel under pressure to perform because of the sacrifices you made. Local school sounds good enough and you can make a big difference to your child's academic success as a parent. It's not just about what happens at school. (I am a teacher at an independent school BTW - it's fantastic but I wouldn't give up everything you are suggesting giving up just for my child to go there). And I think the point about the other children's families is a valid one. Do you want to have to say No to all the extra-curricular activities and school trips the other children go on? It's not just the fees, it's the little extras too. And the uniform! Ultimately, it's nothing to do with me and you will know how prepared you are (and able) to make the sacrifice. But I'd go for state primary, and maybe reconsider for secondary school if the local school wasn't brilliant. But then again...I think a bright child can do well at any school...and may learn far more about standing on its own two feet if it's sometimes a bit tough and they have to sort themselves out.

fluffyhands · 03/09/2011 10:24

"if it means no holidays, treats, nice clothes etc etc ever for the next 18 years?"

If you really think you and your DCs can cope without these luxuries then you should consider going private, though it's much easier said than done.

However, if it means that you can't save for your retirement or cashflow is so tight that losing a job might put your house in jeopardy then I think you just need to accept that private schooling is too expensive.

You need to take a long hard look also at whether you are really getting value for money and it fits with you and your DCs. My DH and I can afford private education for our DCs but are increasingly coming to the conclusion that it only makes sense if you go to the best private schools (and most expensive!). The bulk of private schools are pretty mediocre and offer less than a top state school (comp/grammar). The problem is that many of the best private schools are often boarding and we don't want our DCs to board. This limits our choice.

GiraffesHaveMoreFun · 03/09/2011 10:44

Similar dilemma (although not really, as DD only a baby!). We're planning on state primary, then private secondary. Depends on what DD is like, finances later down the line, and any future DC. I went to both state and private, and think some sacrifice is definitely worth it, but I'd personally prefer to be able to work less and have nice holidays, than go private particularly if there are outstanding state schools nearby.

Journey · 03/09/2011 11:06

Ironically most of the people I know who went to state schools are in professional jobs unlike those that went private. Going private doesn't guarantee a successful career so you have to weigh up that balance against the sacrifices you're going to have to make. Take a look at the private schools and see if they would suit your DC in the first place, and then compare it to the state schools.

How easy will it be for you to get a solicitor's job? I thought the market was quite tough at the moment for entering the legal profession.

blackeyedsusan · 03/09/2011 11:16

intrigued by this low income that can afford private fees and still have enough to live. (i thought we had a good income but I don't think we could afford it. ) [ nosy curious ]

what if interest rates go up on the motgage?

have you thought of saving to go private at secondary?

have you thought about doing state for a while and getting a tutor to help get in later?

ChippingIn · 03/09/2011 11:17

I wouldn't.

If it means you all have to go without so much to do it, it's really not affordable. I should think it would be pretty miserable for your children to go to a school like that and not be living the same lifestyle as the other children - being made to feel 'poor' wont be any fun for them, when actually they could have a really nice life while going to an 'outstanding' state school.

pixielicious · 03/09/2011 11:18

Do you live in an area with any good grammar schools? That can be a good compromise, although your DCs' places cannot be guaranteed...

exoticfruits · 03/09/2011 11:19

Have you actually looked at the state options? Wouldn't it be cheaper to move to be near a good state school?

Iggi999 · 03/09/2011 11:22

Op, what were your parents sacrifices "necessary" for? It hasn't led to you having a well paid job, for instance. Why repeat that? Holidays were thr best times of my childhood, you would be sacricing that on behalf of your children too.