to consider private school even if...

[stella1w]

... it means no holidays, treats, nice clothes etc etc ever for the next 18 years?

My parents scrimped and saved to put me and my sister through private school even though they had a very low income.

I also have a low income but feel I should make all sacrifices necessary.. on the other hand, I don't think putting myself under severe financial stress during the recession would make me such a good parent either.

Feeling guilty either way..

Bright spot is local infant school just got "outstanding" ofsted report, though the juniors was only "satisfactory"

I think if your income is really very low and you have little to nothing saved, all your sacrifices wouldn't make it affordable. I mean if you have a problem when a dc suddenly needs new shoes in the middle of term and you have no spare cash , what would you be sacrificing to pay school fees?

I just assume if someone is considering it, they have done the basic calculations.

Anyone

Round here it tends to be that if a child goes into a private school at 7, he/she stays at that same school through to 18. A few friends have told me that not having a proper change at 11 or 16 is one of the downsides. Perhaps give more consideration to whether you need to consider it from so young?

There is a whole lifestyle that goes with being privately educated that costs as much as the fees. If you can't afford it comfortably you would be better off with a good state school and holidays and a life that will also teach your children things rather than scrimping at a school where your contemporaries are in a totally different league and you always feel a bit left out.

Can I just knock on the head the idea that expensive school trips are the preserve of private schools?

I work in an (outstanding) faith secondary school with a very broad social mix and DH works in a local independent day school. His school offers fractionally more trips but the cost per trip is pretty much the same. For example, ski trips to the states at almost £1k, Florida £1k+, New York for drama, India and Iceland with geography etc.

Agree with noddyholder. DS1 got into a very "good" middle school which is (of course) in a very exclusive part of town, houses in the area are really really expensive partly because of the school (so I guess effectively people living there are paying over the odds to get a decent school - we live in the cheap "out of catchment" bit and he got in by chance!).

A lot of his friends are really well off and go skiing/have all the lastest gadgets/gear and had the sort of birthday parties which I could never afford (even if I could I wouldn't do it) and were in a different league financially. I think DS1 often felt like the poor relation and felt a little out of it. Luckily he is a lovely kid and it didn't stop him making friends or being invited to things but I sometimes felt bad for him - even though he knows these things aren't important - as a kid fitting in is.

Also, we offer loads of extra-curricular activities (as do all of the local comps), including an amazing choir that has performed in festivals around the world, champion rugby teams etc.

I have reasonable-sized classes as well.

Finally, most of my students are lovely. They're polite and bright and hardworking and I get annoyed that people seem to equate going private with avoiding children like my amazing students.

As you were.

it's true school trips are generally getting more ambitious. I think it probably is a trend right through all schools

Well, I sent my children to state, even though we could have chosen private.

I just didn't see the need.

But then DC1 started falling more and more behind, at SATS he was almost 2 years behind for literacy. The teacher and I made plans on how to get him to a higher level. But in reality, in a class of 36, he slipped through the net.

So, after a few years, we decided to go private, to give him a chance. If we wouldn't have, the school's expectations of him were just so low, he would never even get a level 4 when he's 11. As I don't feel like "writing him off" yet, we moved him.

We found a good private school, expensive but cheaper than most (2400 a term), non snobby, common sense (school trips to Dorset, rather than exotic unnecessary trips). It is also actually a lot more ethnically diverse than our old CoE school.

Not ALL private schools are about one-up manship. Not all children are equally able. If I had an average child, or a very clever one, I would be happy enough with State, but as he needs a leg up I reckon going from a class of 36 to a class of 15 might make a big difference.

It's nice to have the choice, though I wish it wasn't necessary.

I also wouldn't want to be the child whose parents had sacrificed holidays/luxuries etc for 15 + years to afford school fees - way too much pressure.

And I just do not see how private education is possible on a low income - I mean even one dc at an averagely priced secondary school is going to be at least £12k per year before trips/uniform etc.

I think a lot of parents are unaware of how much better most state schools are these days, in the range of subjects taught and extra curricular stuff.

DS1's comp has a Brass band, a celidh band, a choir, a wind band, string ensemble, guitar group etc. as well as all the usual sports teams and debating and DOE. as well as a gym, dance studio and climbing wall!

Also children have a much wider range of materials to access for help with academics at home via the internet.

Private education is not very good value for money and therefore you should not put family finances at risk to achieve it.

i know a family who tried and then had to remove their child due to a fall in free-lance income, it has been a headache for parents and child and i suspect they regret their initial decision.

Save up and help them on the housing ladder instead, much more useful and less snobby! ( I know I will get flak for the "snobby" comment but it is my opinion that a significant number of parents choose private for snobby reasons but they will NEVER admit it!).

PS. My father went to an independent school but sent his DCs to state schools.

As a kid I think I'd have preferred the holidays and luxuries. Personally I think you'd be bonkers, especially as infant school is outstanding. Junior school may have improved by the time you need it or it may be better than the Ofsted report suggests. Sometimes a school will miss out on a good if there are a small number of kids bring attendence figures down or something else which doesn't really impact on the teaching (I think).

Talking of school trips - one of the local, state secondary schools had a trip to Barbados for their netball team last year!

YANBU if you really think you can cope. I thought we could...I was wrong. My DD is leaving her private school as of this coming term she begins at an outsanding state....she is fine with this as she is only 7 and not the shy type...we were given a bursary but even with that, the prospect of her going to state secondary at 11 having been at private for primary because we couldn't afford that for two DDs was to much.

We're glad we changed....

As Viva said....it's hard when summer ccomes and your child is telling you about her friends who are all off abroad...and you can't even afford to go camping...or she's telling you about her friends who are taking riding, ballet, singing and drama classes and we couldn't afford it.

We're looking forward to family holidays again...and to buying new clothes instead of 2nd hand....her new school is excellent and if I think she's thetype, we will pay for a tutor to prep for entrance exams for grammar or private secondary

MrCambellblack the fees are not nearly that in the North...they're between 6 and 10.

I just can't see how anyone on an income of anything less than 3 or 4 x average could possibly afford private school fees, no matter what sacrifices they made. Especially for more than one child.

Mumbling - I did say average - they're a lot more than £12k per year in certain parts of the county and seem to be increasing a lot year on year.

We're in the south west and certainly the average senior day school is £12k pa and thats not one of the top schools which would be nearer £20k.

I'd be worried about my children being looked down at by children who can afford all the holidays, nice clothes etc

IMO a PART of the advantage of private school is the connections and the social stuff (plus the confidence and being told you can be whoever you want to be), which you don't get if you're not also going on the ski trips and other extras. My DH was the poorest kid at a private school. Its not fun. And I don't think you get the full advantage if you are just scrimping enough for the school fees and nothing else.

oh and he did have to move schools near the end because if you can "just" afford it that means that you cannot afford to maintain it if any unforseen expenses come up (like a parent dying without leaving any funeral provisions etc) and then they have the disruption of moving schools, on top of not being "normal" in the private school, then they go to state school where they are the private school kid IYKWIM

...and then the money strain of putting him through private school till it financially broke them was PART of his parent's divorce (he now knows that they prob would have split anyway, but as a teen he had that guilt on his head and he never asked for private school)

Yes alwaysonthemove it messed with my relationship too...the strain was too much.

I agree that you're not getting the full advantage if you can't join in all the activities too....this is more pertinent to secondary of course...

I see parents of children at private secondary and these kids are going to the nicest restaurants in our city alone with friends at age 12...ordering and socialising like adults...that's one of the avantages of having lots of cash...if you're mates are doing that on a Saturay and your parents cant afford to send you..well you're going to feel shit in the end.

Think carefully before you shell out any money. A friend of mine who works in admissions in Oxbridge (am being very careful not to be more specific than that ) says that a lot of second string private schools are consistently outperformed by good state schools and really really aren't worth the money, so depending on the choice of schools in your area you may be scrimping for nothing. The simplistic private = good, state = bad equation really doesn't work any more.

I think that helping your DC to try as many experiences in life and trusting them to learn social skills such as ordering in restaurants, how to meet newpeople and talk in public...then you're going to be helping them to learn the same skills as private school children get.