To have laughed at my friend.

[Megatron]

This makes me feel soooooo much better, given my penchant for doing/saying the truly ridiculous. I want to share with you the conversation I had this morning with my truly lovely and normally very sensible friend.

Friend: Where's Jestershire?

Me: Eh?

Friend; Where's Jestershire? I keep seeing all these vans around here with Jestershire on the side and I don't know where it is.

Me: Are you winding me up?

Friend: (now laughing) No! I honestly have never heard of it.

Me: (hysterical by this point) It's Jesters Hire you knob.

Bless her.

hahah thast really funny

friend: what's vodka made of?

me: vods

friend: what are vods?

me: they're like russian hamsters. you squeeze their anal glands to get vodka.

friend: (pushes drink across table) as a vegetarian, i don't think i can drink it anymore. that's gross.

me: (didn't tell her for an hour that it was not vods)

are your friend and my friend the same person?

Hahaaaa

Friend: we need to put some of those little ball things on the cake's icing.

Me: hundreds and thousands.

Friend: no just a few.

I'm definitely going to use the Vods story, that's spectacular!

I can remember on holiday years ago we were driving past a fruit farm and my sister asked me what a 'Pyo' was. She'd never heard of Pick Your Own.

Friend: Why do shop dummies always have such obvious nipples?
Me: It's been scientifically proven that you are more likely to buy things when you are being pointed at
Friend: Wow really?
Me: ...

Friend: What are those pointy out bits at the side of the aeroplane?
Everyone: ...

Friend: When they say the plane is delayed, do they mean it flies slower?

at megatron

Oh priceless!

We once told a friend that mohair came from the rare and elusive Mo, which lives high in the Himalayas and has a long, silky coat to keep it warm. She believed us for ages. It was only when we insisted that the locals who caught and sheared the Mo's gave them little knitted jumpers to wear afterwards so that they didn't catch cold and that these were made to a secret pattern handed down through the generations, that she started to suspect. :o

I love stories like these they're just brilliant.

When DH was at university, he and some mates convinced a foreign student that the north of England was fenced off from the south with barbed wire and the fence was patrolled by soldiers with whippets :)

My DP, usually a quite intelligent bloke, is legendary for this sort of thing. Too many examples to remember them all, but a couple:

1. Wandering round the cash and carry, looking for J20's, that were on special offer (that's jay-two-oh's, yeah?). He spots a sign and pipes up "Oh look - they do Jay Twenties down this aisle - I wonder if the Jay two oh's will be nearby?" I sort of went "Yeah. Ha. Ha" at him until I realised he was serious

2. Until I put him straight about 2 months ago, he thought that skydivers go briefly UP when the 'chute opens I believe this is a fairly common misconception though so he's not the only one.

My kids asked what faux meant (as in faux leather). My dad told them it was a type of animal and that their beanbag was made of faux skin like the sofa is made of cow skin.

PMSL at Bornsicky

I once told an ex that the average man's penis was about 8 inches. He was gutted. I have no idea why he believed me, given he'd just dumped me.

Yourefired .... Love it!

Having just (successfully) done a home hair highlight kit on a friend ...

Friend says: 'I LOVE it, thanks'!

DF's Daughter: Are you going to do her whole hair next time?

Me: If she wants that done she can damn well do it herself!

Friend and I collapsed in fits of laughter, DD looked a bit but got it eventually .

Ex DP told me that you have to take dogs to swimming lessons (like puppy training) to teach them how to swim. Never having had a dog, I believed him.,...

I have a friend who is wonderful for these.

Last year over dinner we got to discussing internet search engines (I believe the phrase "Just fucking Google it." had been uttered. She was 23 at the time, is married with a baby, and she has a degree.

Friend: I wonder what we'd do if Google had never been invented.
My DH: We'd probably use another search engine.
Me: I'm pretty sure she means what would we do if the search engine as a concept had never been invented.
Friend: Yes, that's what I meant, obviously. (Gives DH disaproving stare)
Me: Well we'd probably still use encyclopaedias, like we did before, after all that's all Google is, lots of men sitting about with encyclopaedias who email you really fast.

She bought it. Completely. It took half an hour of choking on wine and rolling about the dining room for one of us to tell her that no, that wasn't really the case.

In an office I used to work in, that had a daft little step people always tripped on

Latest Tripped-up Customer: 'gosh, missed the step!!'
Colleague of mine 'Can I help you?'
Latest Tripped up bla bla 'I have an appointment with Lara'
Colleague of mine (buzzing upstairs to said boss) 'Lara, I have Mr Step in the office for you'

Dined out for MONTHS on that one. She didn't get it, bless her. Not for hours!!

this thread is hilarious

When me and my DH were looking for a house:-

Him: that house has a "Leantos" (said in a french accent)
Me: What?
Him: What do you think that is?
Me: Its a lean to - fool!

Friends came over from New Zealand to stay and wanted to visit somewhere near to where we live called 'Looga Barooga'. It took me ages to figure out where they meant. I eventually got out a map and they pointed to 'Loughborough' I still chortle at that and call it that now!!

Ha, I know people that call it looga barooga. They always say it in an Australian accent.

My sister thought for agestgst gravity is man made. We didn't correct her...

THere is a village near us that I have heard spoken as Yooofle. It is Uphall.

And Dolgellau is pronounced Dolla galoo!

husband reading the recipe for dinner: "so we also need some lingeen. What's lingeen?"

Well, it's apparently the English pronunciation of linguini..