To have laughed at my friend.

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This makes me feel soooooo much better, given my penchant for doing/saying the truly ridiculous. I want to share with you the conversation I had this morning with my truly lovely and normally very sensible friend.

Friend: Where's Jestershire?

Me: Eh?

Friend; Where's Jestershire? I keep seeing all these vans around here with Jestershire on the side and I don't know where it is.

Me: Are you winding me up?

Friend: (now laughing) No! I honestly have never heard of it.

Me: (hysterical by this point) It's Jesters Hire you knob.

Bless her.

Another person with a very clever friend,who once told her mother not to open an important letter sent to her mother's address. Could Mum just fax it so my friend could open it herself?

And same friend was told, and believed, that if you swapped a few wires over at the back of the video machine, and fed paper in through the video slot, you would have yourself a fax machine.

I was asked by a former colleague how my post-mortem had gone.... I was and then asked 'Do you mean ante-natal?'. (I was 6 months pg at the time).

Another colleague asked me how long it would be before my baby would open it's eyes after birth. He thought it was like kittens etc..

Honeydragon and HeadfirstForHalos - We did ask her once the laughter had subsided a bit. She though hobbits were just small people, and when I asked her about the elves she said "well some people do have pointy ears you know!" I laughed so hard I fell off my chair!

I suffer from horribly heavy and painful periods and one day one caught me unawares at home. I was suffering horribly when my other half texted to ask if he could pick me up anything for me on the way home. I texted back "orange tampax". Yep, you've guessed it -he turned up looking terribly pleased with himself with some Tropicana and regular Tampax (the latter being as much use to me as a chocolate fireguard).

Sisters friend spotted a lorry with Dulux emblazoned on the sides, she turned to my sis and said:
'Oh my god, that's really rude, what if kids see it?'
She'd mistaken it for durex!

Same friend, thought that there was an awful lot of RAF bases in Wales, due to the road marking ARAF!

These are brilliant.

I used to share a house with a bunch of Irish people. They told me they used to get a little fed up with Yanks who come over and do the big I Am while insisting they are genuinely Irish by virtue of having had an Irish great-granddad or whatever. So, one summer, Brendan took a job as a tour guide on coaches that took Americans around Dublin. He had great fun every so often shouting 'LOOK! Over there! A leprechaun... oh, you just missed it!' Bless them, the tourists fell for it every time and would spend the rest of the journey peering out of the windows hoping to see another one...

shaky Im guilty of something like that, I passed my driving test and 2 weeks later moved to Wales, I was a stressed new driver on the motorway and I pulled over at a services and had a major tantrum screaming what is wrong with these roads in Wales? The motorway is taking me in circles, we keep passing the same services called gwaseanaethau (sp?) after moving there I told my new work mates, they all rolled about laughing telling me its the Welsh word for services! ...the shame.

Just remembered a previous MN thread on the same subject, where one poster - who was usually sane and reasonable - confessed she'd always thought the Channel Tunnel was in a big tube on the seabed, so asked her dh why they hadn't put windows in so people could see all the fish swimming past...

DH & I have been crying laughing at some of these!

Just want to share a gem from my dippy friend...

We are all sat down to Christmas Dinner, all my family & all her family.

Friend: What day is it?
Us: It's Christmas Day!!!
Friend: Yes I know that, but what's the date?!

Same friend thought that cruise control in her new car meant it would drive itself!! We put her right on that one straight away!!

:o

when i first knew DH he once asked me, in all seriousness, "is advocaat made from advocado's?" rofl :o

I once took a class of lovely yr4 children all the way along the tube from West Ham to Kew for a day out.

We played a commuter friendly game of 'how long can you make the opal fruit starburst last?' which kept them very quiet.

When we walked around Kew I managed to convince them that the large lake was stocked with crocodiles that kept any burglars away from the greenhouses. They spent the entire afternoon telling every other child they met to 'watch out for the crocodiles!'

once as a newly driving-licensed teenager i made my first long journey on my own in the car to see my friend in colchester (i lived in leicester)

and got horribly lost on the way home and saw signs for st ives (ie, cambridgeshire) however i was shit at geography and rang my mum crying that i was lost somewhere in cornwall

my parents still speak of this incident almost 15 years later

My sister's FIL: "Oh, have you gone and got yourself one of those new blackcurrants?" when she bought a new Blackberry phone!

What did you do in the end?

MichelleSeashell We announced my pregnancy with DC1 at the end of April this year. The very last person we called was a girl I went to uni with who is now a 26 year old primary school teacher who teaches sex ed. She's getting married next July and I am slated to be a bridesmaid and she can be a bit control freakish and panicky so I thought I'd best reassure her that I'd have had the baby in plenty of time for ordering dresses etc.

Me: So don't worry, the wedding wont be a problem, the baby is due in October.
Friend: THIS October?

Ha ha!

I spent a semester studying in Canada. My roommates convinced me that all McDonalds and Burger Kings etc sell moose burgers.

I never went in one until the last week I was there, all my friends fell about laughing when I asked for one!

Still don't think that was that thick considering one of my friends asked if we had electricity in the North-West, and another ones dad (who was a lawyer) asked me if we had pickles in England - err, yes, I just don't like them!!

oh i do classics in these -

i wasn't allowed my ears pierced and so wanted two little ball bearing to stick on my ears (i was about 10); i was trying to think about where i would get such little balls from and so at the dinner table in front of parents and other brothers i asked my eldest bro whether he had two little balls i could borrow....... needless to say my parents nearly fell off there chairs laughing.

Ha ha toria my friend was astounded too! She couldn't believe babies were made that fast.

I wonder if she knows how they get out? :o

Not long after dd was born, she had reflux and was a very screamy baby

Me 'Why won't she stop crying I don't know what else to do!'

DH 'Don't worry babies cry loads when they are born as instinct, it goes back to the olden days when they needed to scare away dinosaurs'

Me

He really believed it and still does.

In one of my first jobs a new, young, office assistant was trying to weigh a piece of mail that was too heavy for the postal scales. She was staring at the scales clearly wondering what to do now, so I jokingly suggested she weigh one half then the other.

She carefully balanced one half on the scale while holding the other half in her hand and wrote down the number before I realised she'd taken me seriously.

I'm always mispronouncing things, very George W. Bush-esque which I find .

one of my friends in all seriousness asked one day - but what do they put on the fast lane of the motorway to make you go faster

bless her she come out with stuff like that all the time

me: have you heard that they've made a titanic 2 film?

friend: ooh is it them in heaven?

me

My friend loved E.R. when we were younger and used to watch it all the time. I think she was about on Season 7 or so when she looked at me and said "E.R. ....E.R.... Oh, Emergency Room!"

These are brill! DH is wondering why I am shaky laughing on the sofa...

My best one is when DH was looking at a cocktail menu in a bar (pre DS natch...)

DH: Oh look, Piaf! There's that drink you like! You know, a dye-query...
Me: looks at menu It's daiquiri, you dick...

:o