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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i dont deserve to be treated like a prostitute

138 replies

firstly · 15/08/2011 09:43

Im fuming.
I have a sort of no strings thing with this man. But basically this weekend ive been treated like nothing more than a whore.
friday night at gone midnight i got a text of his cock. I hadnt spoken to him for over a week, no contact ( which is fine.. but not even a hello?) he was then annoyed at me that i refused to get out of bed ( i was asleep) and go see him.

Saturday night the same thing happened, but i was out with friends, so he just got annoyed that i didn respond at all.

Last night the same thing happened again, but it was a bit earlier, 9pm. I said i was free tomorrow and if he wanted to do something then, i would but i wasnt going to go round. He got really pissed off and said i didnt do it (!!!!) properly anyway and if was either NOW or not at all.

I am not a prostitute and do not deserve to be treated like one. Yes, i have slept with him in the past, and am not in a relationship with him, and i dont want a relationship with him, but how on earth does he think he can just text me things like that??

Or AIBU?

OP posts:
onehellofaride · 15/08/2011 09:47

YANBU in that he should have more respect for you than to demand you run to him as soon as he calls.

but YABabitU as it's either no strings attached or it's not and it seems like you want it to be a bit more!

squeakytoy · 15/08/2011 09:48

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You can only be treated this way, if you allow it. Ignore his texts and he will get the message, then find someone who treats you with a bit of respect.

ChocolateTeacup · 15/08/2011 09:48

I have a sort of no strings thing with this man.

He sees you as sex on the phone that he can call whenever he is feeling horny, you may have made yourself available in the past so he thinks this is alright with you.

Decide is this sex that amazing that you want to put up with this nonsense?? Otherwise why on earth are you letting it happen? You need to decide if you want your body to be regarded as a set of holes for him or you can take control of yourself and tell him where to go

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/08/2011 09:48

Interesting...

You are sending a confusing message to him that your errr 'interaction' with him is purely physical...no emotions involved.

Seems he is treating you accordingly....what do you expect?

LuceyLasstic · 15/08/2011 09:49

you have a no strings relationship

he doesnt have to be nice to you, you are only there for screwing :)

troisgarcons · 15/08/2011 09:49

And we wonder why society is morally bankrupt.

LuceyLasstic · 15/08/2011 09:49

if you have no self respect, why should anyone else have any for you :)

EightiesChick · 15/08/2011 09:50

Even a no strings relationship surely is based on both people choosing to meet at their convenience, not one person having to run around on the orders of the other. That is more like being a prostitute. I think you need to find a new no-strings partner who at least respects your time and freedom of choice. He sounds nasty.

LuceyLasstic · 15/08/2011 09:52

no, a prostitute earns her money. she can demand respect as she is giving a paid service.

FreudianSlipper · 15/08/2011 09:53

why does only having sex mean he does not have to be nice to you what utter rubbish

i have had a no strings attached relationship and he was nice to me. we went out on dates, enjoyed each others company and had sex but nothing more than that we meet up when we both wanted to see each other, it can work but you have to be sure it is what you want not hoping that a relationship will come out of it

this guy has no respect for you though (and you can have respect without having deep feelings for someone)

learn and move on. tell him not to contact you again and delete his number form your phone, if he contacts you ignore him

EightiesChick · 15/08/2011 09:58

FreudianSlipper exactly, you can have a casual relationship and still respect the other person as having rights and feelings of their own. Just because you agree to have sex with someone doesn't = agreeing to be treated like shit. As you say, learn and move on.

Shutupanddrive · 15/08/2011 10:00

Of course YANBU, tell him to piss off!

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 15/08/2011 10:01

Send him a list of your charges, including receiving lewd images.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 15/08/2011 10:02

Seriously, if all you want is a shag, then find someone else.

SardineQueen · 15/08/2011 10:03

I have had no strings relationships and the men have been nice to me. Very nice.

Having sex outside a relationship does not mean that you don't "respect yourself" and deserve to be treated badly. Just because you want sex and not a relationship doesn't mean you lack self respect - in a way it means you respect yourself enough to know what you want and go and get it despite what small minded people might say. I can't help but wonder whether they would consider the men in these situations to be lacking is self respect (I doubt it somehow).

Bottom line is this bloke sounds unpleasant, if he will not accept you not being at his beck and call, and change his attitude, then I think you should cancel your arrangement.

Original poster
firstly · 15/08/2011 10:05

I think people are confused. I have plenty of respect for myself. I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone.. but i do still want sex. A casual agreement is meant to work in favor of both parties, both parties on an equal footing and getting something out of it. You are not mean to be horrible to people you have this sort of thing with. Just because i am only screwing him does not mean i should be treated like some kind of sub human.

But then, maybe, im being Unreasonable to think that...

OP posts:
Morloth · 15/08/2011 10:06

Tell him not to contact you again and block his number.

Problem solved.

EightiesChick · 15/08/2011 10:06

Well then, the answer's clear and you know it yourself - tell him to jog on!

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 15/08/2011 10:07

It's simple and uncomplicated, if he's unsatisfactory then find another supplier. Because you don't have a relationship, there is nothing to fix or negotiate and no heartbreak.
He shouldn't be treating you like this, so walk.

ZZZenAgain · 15/08/2011 10:09

if you want to keep seeing him, tell him how you want it to be. He can accept it or not. I don't know in your case what would make his behaviour acceptable to you, perhaps you want him to call a day ahead and not on the night and that he needs to be clear that if you have plans, you won't be dropping them, not to send you pictures of his body, you know what he looks like etc etc. Not a vast list, people cannot take that in but the most important points

However even if it is just sex as you say, why put up with him doing this: "He got really pissed off and said i didnt do it (!!!!) properly anyway and if was either NOW or not at all."

zipzap · 15/08/2011 10:11

He's treating you worse than a prostitute - he's execting you to provide sex when he wants it and isn't even giving you either the respect or money that he'd have to give a prostitute.

ZZZenAgain · 15/08/2011 10:12

I am not so sure that prostitutes generally meet with a lot of respect. I have my doubts about that.

MumblingRagDoll · 15/08/2011 10:12

You said it yourself ...it's a "no strings" relationship.....ergo he owes you nothing. Not respect and not love or care. It's sex isn't it? Only sex. If you want a man who cares about you then have a proper relationship.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 15/08/2011 10:16

He's a prick. Stop sleeping with him and find someone nice to have a no strings relationship with. Problem solved.

SardineQueen · 15/08/2011 10:16

Just read zzzzen's post and had forgotten this from teh OP

""He got really pissed off and said i didnt do it (!!!!) properly anyway and if was either NOW or not at all."

Tell him to fuck off. Seriously. And get someone else. He is an arsehole.