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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

can he cause a problem?

162 replies

charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:25

I want to move away with my daughter and my new partner - my ex is saying he's going to talk to his lawyer and see about custody and I'm worried he's going to try and stop us or take us away. We haven't sorted PR yet as not been split up that long: if he gets it, can he stop us moving?
Thanks.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 28/07/2011 22:27

How far do you want to move?

What do you mean by 'I'm worried he's going to try and stop us or take us away'??

Tchootnika · 28/07/2011 22:27

Very unlikely that he can stop you moving from what you say here.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:28

not take us, sorry, her.
The move is a couple of hundred miles.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 28/07/2011 22:29

he can certainly try

how old is your dd and what is current contact arrangements?

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:30

If he is the father, he will be awarded PR jointly with you.

The other part depends on individual circumstances.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:30

6 - and shared parenting 50% each way.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:31

Are you going to move closer to family?
That might help.

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:33

Then surely you will have to go back to court anyway to sort out contact arrangements.

You should have taken legal advice before you mentioned moving, if he is the type to behave unreasonably.

worraliberty · 28/07/2011 22:34

Why do you want to take your DD away from her Dad? Sad

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:34

TBH if this is his reaction, then all you can do is have a solisitor acting for you.

Have you had shared residency and has it actually been happening 50-50?

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:35

50% shared parenting will make it more difficult for you to move 200 miles from your DDs father.

Who will do Fathers 50% when you move?

Is it in DDs best interests to move so far from her Father?

cannydoit · 28/07/2011 22:36

is he a good dad? if you have shared parenting 50/50 up to this point how is it a good idea for your daughter to move her away from her father? this is a massive upheaval for her. unless there are things you are not telling us about your ex wont she be devastated?
i think he has every right to do this and should.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:37

We want to move for job prospects. He has her half the time but I think he is over-stating how he feels about this and actual just resents my new partner. I think she'll be fine once the move has happened and just get on with things, but he is saying it's not ok and she's not happy etc.

OP posts:
GeorgeWeasleysGirl · 28/07/2011 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

faverolles · 28/07/2011 22:39

Shouldn't he have the right to see his daughter and vice versa? Confused

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:39

Your new partner has no part in this.....

Your DD deserves to have a relationship with you AND her Dad.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:39

She has been fine with the split and we won't make it hard for her to see him!

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/07/2011 22:40

He won't necessarily be able to prevent you moving, but you may need to prove to a Court that any move will not impinge on the time he is able to spend with his dd.

I'm more concerned about the fact that you 'haven't been split up long' but it would seem that you have already introduced a new partner to your dd, and are planning to move 200 miles away to be with him.

From the scant information you've made available, it would seem that your ex (were you married and, if so, are you divorced?) may have legitimate cause for concern.

faverolles · 28/07/2011 22:40

So moving 200 miles away won't make it hard? Really? Hmm

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:40

And GeorgeWeasleysGirl....a bit much.

yes

ivykaty44 · 28/07/2011 22:42

Thats a bit rich - you are afraid he will take your dd away, it is what you say in your op - but when he - your ex p is afraid of you taking your dd aways you think he is over stating how he feels about this and actually resents my new partner...Hmm

I doubt your ex would be able to prevent your move - but I know how I would feel if my dd was to move 200 miles away

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:42

It is posiible then that the move will be blocked at least until the court is satisfied that it is making the right decision, which could take months, if at all.

Have you thought how parenting will be shared, does his job allows him to have her during the school holidays.

You seem to be dismissing the importance of his relationship with her.

worraliberty · 28/07/2011 22:42

You think he's over stating it? Hmm

How would you like it if someone took your little girl over 200 miles away?

Do you think your concerns would be over stated??

GeorgeWeasleysGirl · 28/07/2011 22:42

If you've made a life choice like having a child with someone then in my view you have committed to being within a reasonable distance from that person until the child is old enough to be able to travel to then alone. It is completely unreasonable to take someones child hundreds of miles away from them.

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:43

He may well be able to prevent you moving if he has 50% parenting.

He may well ask for custody..

Then you will have to have your DD for the odd weekend.