can he cause a problem?

[charminggirl]

I want to move away with my daughter and my new partner - my ex is saying he's going to talk to his lawyer and see about custody and I'm worried he's going to try and stop us or take us away. We haven't sorted PR yet as not been split up that long: if he gets it, can he stop us moving?
Thanks.

[usualsuspect]

step away ,reeling

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

You don't have any reason to think he's capable of looking after her!

On present showing, it would seem that you don't have your dd's best interests at heart and there's no evidence to indicate that you do a better job than he does.

Wasn't it catalytic having a child because you couldn't be bothered to take precautions, and what is going to happen when your current catalyst becomes your latest ex?

Do please get a grip and start putting your dd's needs first - catalysts are two a penny but she's priceless.

[reelingintheyears]

I have gone to bed.........

Nearly..

[Memeandme]

He has pr, your daughter was born after 2003

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Tortoise, definitely

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I really wish people would stop posting about tortoises and shells.

It's very confusing.

I feel obscurely guilty, and I don't know why.

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

(I'm kidding. Carry on, obviously)

[hairylights]

Yabvu. :(

How would you feel if he proposed to move her 200 miles away?

It's absolutely not ok.

[MorelliOrRanger]

Why would you expect your ex to quit a well paid job just to follow you elsewhere.

I think it's really sad that you would even want to do this. 200 miles is a 3 hour trip each way, not just 10 minutes down the road.

[GypsyMoth]

Got to be a wind up surely?

[bubblesincoffee]

What sort of a selfish excuse for a Mother would really do this to her own child and justify it with the fact that she sorts out school forms? Really?

If this is true, I feel very very sorry for that 6yo girl. And her Father.

I was 6 when my Mum moved her boyfriend in, which prevented my Dad being able to come over anymore. I can clearly remember hating them both, and going out of my way to make my new step dad's life very difficult. I was finally able to stop having to deal with him when my I moved out of home when I was 16, thanks to my Dad, didn't speak to him at all for the next five years. Shame really, because he's not that bad a bloke, but that's what happens when you completely screw around with a child's life.

[GypsyMoth]

Aww bubbles. That's a sad tale

[BertyBurlington]

I think she'll be fine once the move has happened and just get on with things

lol

in other words, sod whats best for her, she will do what i want

[BertieBotts]

"it's me making sure all that happens and if I didn't, it would be chaos."

He'd soon learn though, nothing like being thrown in at the deep end.

Why can't DP move for this job and you have a long distance relationship for a bit? Then in a year or two, if he's still tied to the area you could reconsider the move, but after two years in a job, it's likely he'll have more flexibility anyway. And you'll know if the relationship is going to last. 5 months isn't long enough - if it was just you, fair enough, but it's going to be a massive upheaval on your DD, and it just isn't fair on her. And yes, it would be an upheaval in 2 years' time, but at least you'd be more sure about the relationship with DP, and XP's situation might have changed by then, as well.

[farnywarny]

I have wanted to move away in the past and have even been offered a job in our london office on a huge salary increase but i wouldnt dream of taking my son away from his father!

[SiamoFottuti]

not actually a very charming girl are you, OP?

[bubblesincoffee]

Thank you Tiffany! It's all fine now, but I wish parents would realise that just because children can't verbalise how they are feeling, and have no choice but to just get on with it, it does not automatically mean that they are 'resilliant'. What are these people expecting their child to actually do to say that they are not happy?

[venusandmars]

OP, I don't know if you're still reading this thread... I left my abusive ex (he still had/has contact with dcs), knowing that it was absoloutely the right decision for me physically and mentally, and that it was right for dcs not to be brought up in that environment.

dc1 was 'resiliant' etc but I still have a scrap of paper on which was written "dear mummy, please can we go home. I don't like the new flat. I am sad. I want to be with daddy again." Heartbreaking, just heartbreaking. It reminds me that however 'right' the decision was for us, it was not without a cost.

Please think of all the possible consequences for your dd bfore taking this step.

[Whitershadeofpale]

I sincerely hope that he could. I think your utter selfishness is despicable. In the last 5 months you've run off with someone else and are now planning on moving hundreds of miles away with your dd and yet you think he's being an arsehole and seem bemused by the fact that he gets tearful when you bring it up. .

When my parents split up my Dad pretty stopped seeing me and DB despite my DM desperately trying to facilitate contact. The fact that people like you would try and damage their child's relationship with their other parent quite frankly sickens me.

I think you need to seriously grow up and realise that the world doesn't revolve around you. Unfortunately you seem to have shacked up with someone with as warped a sense of reality as you have so I don't see it happening any time soon.

[posterofagirl]

Children become very resilient if you abuse them.

She won't thank you for it.

[CombYourHair]

Charming, you are saying that your DD is resilient and will be fine after the move, I dont think that is a safe assumption, separating a child from a parent is not something that will be easy for a child to deal with

My DP split from his wife more than two years ago and his DS is STILL coming to terms with it without the added trauma of being dragged 200 miles away from one of his parents

I think you are being naive and quite selfish, your daughter has the right to a relatioship with both her parents

[Slambo511]

Why is it always the children that suffer? How does your dd feel about being removed hundreds of miles from her father? I agree wholeheartedly with GeorgeWeasleysGirl, you had a child with someone now you are morally obligated to do the right thing for your child not yourself. Stated by many already I know but again, how would you feel if the boot was on the other foot? No matter the circumstance of the adults here, the childs needs must be paramount for the sake of another young person who will be tomorrows responsible adult. Just my opinion of course and I seek in no way to preach or vilify, I just think that your dd should be the guiding light here.

[GypsyMoth]

Not many people on op's side!