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AIBU?

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Original poster

can he cause a problem?

162 replies

charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:25

I want to move away with my daughter and my new partner - my ex is saying he's going to talk to his lawyer and see about custody and I'm worried he's going to try and stop us or take us away. We haven't sorted PR yet as not been split up that long: if he gets it, can he stop us moving?
Thanks.

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 28/07/2011 22:55

I don't usually say this, but I think this is a wind up.

HerHissyness · 28/07/2011 22:55

x-posted.

splutters

5 months? FIVE MONTHS???? first things first, a bloke you have met 5 months ago is NOT a partner, he is AT MOST a boyfriend.

For the love of GOD what the HELL do you think you are doing woman?

You have just met this BLOKE and are proposing to take a 5yo DD and up sticks and throw your lot in with him?

You are crazy! This DD ought not to even KNOW your BOYFRIEND let alone leave everything she knows, including an involved dad for the sake of her mother's sex life.

Your BF wants to get a better job, let him. Let him get himself established, sorts himself out, you carry on seeing him, without the DD involved and see how it goes.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:56

If I talk about it with him he just gets tearful and stresses all the negatives. But she's a resilient child and once it's happened she'll be fine. If he moved, I'd move too, I'd have too - surely if he was that bothered, he'd move too?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 28/07/2011 22:56

Then I'll tell you where you could well stand...

Not been split up with your DD's Dad 'that long' (your own words)

Jumped into a new relationship that's only 5 months old

You and your ex parent 50% each way

You want to take your 6yr old daughter over 200 miles away from him

Why? Because new blokey has 'job prospects' there.

All in all I'd say your ex has a pretty good case to build a custody battle on...and that's before anyone's explained the reality of this to your poor DD and asked her how she feels about it.

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:56

Just because they are allowed to go does not make it right.

You have a child with someone and that child has a right to know both it's parents.

One parent does not have the right to deprive that child of the other parent unless that other parent is an abuser.....

And you do not say that your ex is an abuser.

He has 50% parentage.

ShellyBoobs · 28/07/2011 22:57

So, if your ex gets custody, how will you manage the travelling to see your DD when she's 200 miles away?

Or do we assume you wouldn't move if that was the case?

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:57

You haven't been with your new partner long enough to be proposing this, the court will think that also, unless where you are moving to is where your extended family live.

Is it just your ex that you will be preventing your DD from having contact with or does he have extended family, also.

I think realistically forget a move before the new term starts, so this will also go on your ex's side, the disruption of her education.

Do you know the area well, that you are moving to, schools, GP etc.

ivykaty44 · 28/07/2011 22:57

resilient child - she will store this up, don't think it isn't all going in and in years to come you will pay the price.......

GypsyMoth · 28/07/2011 22:57

hmmm,another one who knows which buttons to press to rile us all i think!!

Mare11bp · 28/07/2011 22:57

So what if it wasn't a proper relationship you bore a child and your ex is entitled to have his say.

But I take your point you wanted to know your legal rights but I am thinking you have come to the wrong place Confused.

worraliberty · 28/07/2011 22:57

I think you're right GreenEyes it's a fucking wind up...let's hope so anyway!

Donkeyswife · 28/07/2011 22:58

You say it wasn't a realy relationship, but your dd was born and you said that your ex has 50% custody so whether you like it or not, he has a relationship with her. Sorry to sound so harsh, but you are asking and I think you should consider whether or not you just want to get miles away from your ex, which is understandable. But unfortunately you have a dd who does have a relationship wiht your ex, her dad.

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:58

WTF should your ex move just because your new BF has a new job?

Are you mad?

HerHissyness · 28/07/2011 22:58

It has to be a wind up, the 5m overcooks it, surely.

ivykaty44 · 28/07/2011 22:59

Do you work outside the home charming?

trixymalixy · 28/07/2011 22:59

You are a right charmer charminggirl. I would be devastated if my kids moved 200 miles away.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 22:59

Ok. All I wanted to know really was whether agreeing to do PR would screw things up for us. I think she's better off with me, that's all I can say really.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 28/07/2011 22:59

And what happens if when this new relationship fails and you decide to move somewhere else with the next new bloke. Are you expecting your ex to move then too.

Honestly, that last remark was so pathetically immature, if i was your ex I'd be questioning whether you are fit to look after a child. You certainly don't appear to be putting her needs first.

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 22:59

Is your DD resiliant, or has she had to appear to toughen up?

You are talking crap on that score, she may appear to be coping but you may find that it comes out at a later date.

reelingintheyears · 28/07/2011 22:59

OH ffs..

Have i been got?

worraliberty · 28/07/2011 23:00

Why is she better of with you?

Surely she's better off with a parent who puts her interests first?

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2011 23:00

OP what do you mean by agreeing to PR?

puzzlesum · 28/07/2011 23:00

Isn't there a solution that might be a more reasonable compromise? You say job prospects, does that mean your partner doesn't actually have a job 200 miles away but think he is more likely to get one there than where you are? Does he have a job where you are currently? How will your dd's wellbeing best be served by reducing the amount of time she can spend with her dad?

nojustificationneeded · 28/07/2011 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
charminggirl · 28/07/2011 23:01

People do move house! I moved house when I was a child, it was fine! Does it have to be such a fuss?

OP posts: