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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby Travelling Argument

156 replies

NorthernDadJ · 13/07/2011 19:18

Hi All - need some advice support from you all. My and my partner are having an almightly row and I want to hear your views - am i being unreasonable or is she? I will try and write this as objectively as possible.

We have a 4 month old baby at the moment and in five weeks time my nan (his great grandmother) is having her 90th Birthday party in London (some 250 miles away). My grandmother and indeed all of this side of my family has yet to meet him (and this is the opportunity) and I now feel pretty strongly that we should attend as a family. (My partner, the baby, her 8 year old (from a previous relationship - but effectively my son, and my dad who would travel with us). My partner is completely adamant that the trip would be too much for the baby and is refusing absolutely point blank to go. She will not let me take him either on my own (well with my dad) as she wouldn't not want to see him for the couple of days that would be involved.

I can see some merits in her arguments - clearly its a long car journey and the baby (and liam) might not enjoy the trip. I also accept that she shouldn't be away from him for that amount of time. For my part I am prepared to take any step to get them there (hire a bigger car for the weekend, break up the journey over three days and stay in nice hotels) yet she is completely adamant she will not go. Even if we took four days to get there its not as if she would miss anything (she's on maternity and liam will be on school hols)...

Thats it in a nutshell, obviously there is more in terms of further arguments and counter arguments but I'm sure that you can see those for yourselves. Am I being unreasonable???

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 13/07/2011 19:20

YANBU

If you break up the journey I don't see the problem. The baby will sleep most of the way anyway.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 13/07/2011 19:21

I don't think you are, I think she's using the baby as an excuse tbh. What about the train would be quicker buy might be harder the other end?

catgirl1976 · 13/07/2011 19:22

YANBU. I can't see the issue. So are you sure it is the baby she thinks it will be too much for? Maybe she doesn't feel like she could cope with it?

lubberlich · 13/07/2011 19:23

YANBU - stand your ground.

SleepySuzy · 13/07/2011 19:23

Like Rita says.

When my first was about 7 months old we drove to Ireland. Had lots of breaks and baby was fine. She is now 7 yrs. No lasting damage. And it took a whole day to get there!

emsyj · 13/07/2011 19:24

When my DD was 4 months old I wouldn't have contemplated travelling 250 miles for a birthday party (or anything else, for that matter). I was feeding her all day and night and felt utterly exhausted. Like a chewed rag.

I am sure there will be lots of posters who will say how easy it is to throw the kids in the car and get on with it, but IMO if you are trying to bully her into doing something she doesn't want to do then YABVU.

"I am prepared to take any step to get them there" Hmm

If my DH took that approach with me, I would be so angry my head might pop off.

Sirzy · 13/07/2011 19:24

The baby won't be bothered, even less so if you take the measures you mentioned!

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 13/07/2011 19:24

Sorry but she is being completely unreasonable. However, before she is called all names under the sun are there any underlying reasons why she feels so adamant about not going. For example, has she got PND?

I agree you should not go with the baby alone but really don't see why she can't go. The baby will probably sleep the entire journey. It is your 8 year old who would probably cause more problem - I'm bored, are we there yet, I'm bored, are we there yet!!

Sirzy · 13/07/2011 19:25

Emsy what about what he wants or is the mother the only one allowed an opinion?

potoftea · 13/07/2011 19:25

I can't see the problem with what you are suggesting, and the baby isn't exactly a newborn.

He is your dc too so you should be allowed to bring him to a big family event if you want. If I were his mother I wouldn't want to be seperated from him and would go too. But it isn't up to her to veto you bringing your ds anywhere.

AlsoAvailableSober · 13/07/2011 19:26

My DD2 travelled 150 miles for a christening at 6 weeks and all was fine. DD1 travelled to Spain at 4 months and lived to tell the tale.

YANBU and it would be lovely for greatnana to meet her GGS. Could you do it by train so feeding enroute & cuddling would be easier?

Dozer · 13/07/2011 19:26

Is she breast feeding the baby? If so, yabu.

Even if not, I think yabu. Is no fun travelling with tiny babies and she's probably too knackered for the journey and big family event.

Maybe you could go alone this time?

StrandedBear · 13/07/2011 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFeministsWife · 13/07/2011 19:26

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Could you fly? That would make it a much shorter journey.

soverylucky · 13/07/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dozer · 13/07/2011 19:27

I say this as someone who has done a fair few trips of that length with small babies.

seeker · 13/07/2011 19:28

Unless there is more to this than you're telling us, then you are not being unreasonable.

When my children were small we used to go every 6 weeks to spend the weekend with grandparents 240 miles away - and that wasn't even for a special occasion - just to visit. I took ds the first time when he was 6 weeks old and it was just me and him and dd, who was 5 at the time because dp was travellling separately for work.

Does she have other issues with your family?

Portofino · 13/07/2011 19:28

When dd was 4 months old we drove to Normandy on holiday. It was fine. We have travelled every year ever since - dd is now 7 and copes fine with long journeys.

PeopleCallMeTricky · 13/07/2011 19:28

She has had a baby before, and knows what it is like. I can completely understand that she doesn't want to commit herself to a long car journey, when she will probably still be getting up several times in the night to feed.

RitaMorgan · 13/07/2011 19:29

Yes, maybe train would be better.

Don't see why breastfeeding a 4 month old makes it impossible to travel either - surely it is easier than taking a bottle fed baby?

StrandedBear · 13/07/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 13/07/2011 19:30

At 4 months I took DD2 camping. The baby will be fine. Take breaks around the baby's feeding time.

YANBU

Goodynuff · 13/07/2011 19:30

I think you are being reasonable and accomadating. Can ask her to specify her worries, and what it would take to relieve them? I bet your Nan (and rest of the family) would be so excited to see the little one...

squeakytoy · 13/07/2011 19:31

My stepson and his partner took their daughter to the Dominican Republic when she was 3 months old.. no problems at all.

250 miles is nothing.. you can break the journey up and stop for lunch, she is being very unreasonable.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 13/07/2011 19:31

I think there's more to this.. does she get on with your family, how is she generally this time round (as others have said any PND diagnosed or not).

FWIW I travel with a 6 week old bf baby from spain to the uk. To see family and introduce her. I managed this but I wanted to go.

Her reluctance is more than the baby IMHO.