Rude Mother

[hedgefundwidow]

Hello everyone.

My son bought a friend back from school today which was fine. No problems. WHen his Mother came to collect him she looked around at my kitchen with a definite sneer and barely thanked me for having had her son after school. My house iS slightly chaotic at the moment because i am under work pressure, but i found her attitude offensive. AIBU?

Is it the one where the chisel jawed gardener shags the heroine in the potting shed?

This is FAB!

my best friend says my life is like a novel. Other poeples entertainment is my reality though. I'm sorry it makes some of you feel sick. I am pretty sick of it myself at the moment.
I would be thrilled for you to come and play for the day. And don't knock the smirnoff, its a fine choice when wine doesn't quite hit the spot.
My gardener (incredibly hunky) rolled me a waccy baccy joint earlier and i am going to smoke it in a minute.
Before you censure me, JJ is staying at a friends tonight and i have nothing but a bald arsed cat for company. I think its mange, but its horrid little puckered bottom is protruding like a tea towel holder. Even the lurchers have abandoned me - buggered off after Rabbits.
I keep thinking of a poem, and it reminds me of James, i try not to but it comes into my head unbidden

"Though thou loved him as thyself,
As a self of purer clay,
Though his parting dims the day,
stealing grace from all alive,
heartily know, when half gods go, the gods arrive."

James is a demi-God. I cannot imagine i will ever meet a whole one.

oh please do give us the names of anything you have written so we can avoid it :) seriously if it's anything like the fiction here I'd rather bleach my eyeballs

I am weeping. Keep it coming.

You already have...the friggin gardener

With all that help she has at home, I bet she goes home every night and pops the cork.

Joint? I wish. Enjoy.

Oh Good God, talk of the devil - Ben just phoned! Help, what shall i do? Do you think this is an excuse?
"Hi - it's Ben. Can i come round and pick up the strimmer? I need it tommorow morning. "
I told him that's fine, then he asked me if i'd be in. Is that being polite? Or just making conversation? The strimmers in the stable so why does he need to know if i am in?
Oh god, my hearts thumping. Maybe i should get out of the way, this could be a potentially cataclysmic situation. He is indecently handsome, 6'3 inches of solid muscular, golden haired Australian delectability.
And little me, well not that little 5'10 size 10, blonde hair, blue eyes and spaniels ears tits.
Do i ask him in?

But JJ isn't home until the weekends because he's at boarding school. I'm getting confused. And you are not alone, your other son is there with you isn't he? The one who had a friend round earlier?

Well a Demi god is better than no god at all.

Why is the cats arse bald? Have you interviewed the help about what may have happened? Any unauthorised frontage should have consequences. I would dock a days pay at least. If they deny it I would press the vicar.

Oooh, oooh! Will the heroine on the cover be all misty-looking? Will the potting shed be in the background? Will bosoms heave? Because if so, I am there .

I'll read any old shit really...

Don't worry op, perhaps you could take your mind off it by getting tickets for the Rutshire Symphony Orchestra, I hear Abigail Rosen is back.

What the actual jeff is a spaniel's ear tit?

Furry? There's a wax for that, duck.

Golly, cakes wine & literature! I'll be over tomorrow

If hedgefundwidow opens the door in her Rigby and Peller peignoir, and seduces the gardener in that divine hammock someone gave her from Not On The High Street, turn to page 23.

If hedgefundwidow considers her marriage vows solemnly and tells the gardener she is reporting him for outstaying his holiday visa, turn to page 120.

No no, ignore Ben. He is the diversion preceding the main love interest. Wait for better things. But do something about this spaniel ears. Maybe a bow? Or perhaps you could fashion something with a few pieces of pork and some sticky back plastic.

Don't do it - you will be left up the duff and out on your --spaniels-ear!!!

Or you will both die in a suicide pact...

spaniels ear

see i was getting all settled into this until you mentioned that you let her lick chocolate offa his finger - seriously?

next chapter please

Mind you - he might make a lovely job of your hedge

Look out. Op's looking for a new audience

I've counted at least 3 JC sub plots in one post. It might be Caitlin on a jape. Although it could be Wendy Holden possibly. And JC is not dead. I would know. And mourn greatly.

oo just caught up...

see i really want to believe all of this - DH is out watching footy and this literature is making me come over all unnecessary

only one son - JJ. He's broken up now - they were doing a fun/sports day in the school grounds. He's a t a friends now.
Oh godly god, what to do?