Calling Time on Wine - the next 100 days after the first 100 day reset | Thread 3: Continuing to support and navigate together.

[needastrongone]

As promised, a new thread.

As the title states, this is the third thread. It started for those of us who wanted some support and a safe place to navigate a 100 day alcohol reset. Most of us on the thread wanted more time and space than Dry January to fully reset and maybe reflect more on our relationship with alcohol than one month.

What we also found was the most wonderfully supportive and uplifting set of folk, all with the common intention of being AF from January for 100 days. A few blips along the way for some (including me at the beginning) but for those that have, we’ve tried to understand why they happened and most of us have continued to be AF going forward and managed 100 AF days since January.

We are going for another 100 (we all liked the idea of breaking being AF into chunks of time) and I don’t think it matters one bit if new folk want to climb on board and start from here, we can all offer a friendly and non judgmental place here.

Evening all! Reporting back from the work summer off-site… 😄

Very swanky venue. My room was, fittingly, called The Bar Baroness😂 Even better, a secret door from the bar led straight into my room… complete with a four-poster bed. You couldn’t make it up! Pre-dinner drinks were cocktails or beer. I asked for a non-alcoholic option and got a puzzled look… as if I’d declined oxygen. Dinner was lovely, with wine constantly flowing. I stuck to water.
Was I tempted? Not at all. 💪 I’m definitely a non-drinker now, and it feels completely normal. By 10pm I was in bed, and at 7.30 I was out for the morning run. Five of us showed up… impressive given the night before! 😆

After breakfast, I somehow led a walk to the pub, with a trail of slightly hungover colleagues behind me. Lunch came… and so did more drinks. It got me thinking how deeply alcohol is embedded in work culture, not just as an option, but almost as the default way we connect, celebrate, and unwind. It’s rarely questioned, even when it doesn’t suit everyone in the room. How many people are quietly navigating that tension, choosing between fitting in and staying true to themselves? Anyways.. I did it and I’m super proud!

Happy weekend all xx

Read more: https://trib.al/SQLTMru

Amazing! Congratulations @Icecreamhelps that’s a huge achievement 👏 I love that so many of us have succeeded and are still going strong. Kind of proves the point of the 100 days being the key to success. Obviously determination plays a huge part in this.!! This all became a thing through an email I got from Mark Manson : Everybody wants a transformation. Nobody wants the hundred boring, thankless days it actually takes to get it… ☺️

Oh god.. this really resonates with me!! 🫣 Off to the pub after work following a gruelling day of work! Waking up not knowing parts of the night before - rinse and repeat. Frightening!!

@therockingbird I know that was me for twenty years in the City.

This isn't an easy post to write, I had a really good morning yesterday nipped to my local town for breakfast and shopping. Went to the supermarket on my way home and god only knows why I bought a bottle of wine and drank it last night. I feel absolutely dreadful today my anxiety this morning was through the roof. I'm so disappointed with myself. But I'm going to dust myself off and get back on track.

@icecreamhelps the fact that you are being totally accountable and told us here straight away thst you drank is actually so good imho as you are not secretly drinking at home.
Do not and I mean DO NOT beat yourself up. You were probably just curious after all this time. And ( like I know this would be me hence I have to avoid) you had the bottle and didn’t stop after one or two.
So you tested yourself, realised you would still finish the bottle, have beaten yourself up, might have a hangover and feel you have let yourself down.
You haven’t.
This minor blip has just reinforced you’re not where you need to be yet,
just erase yesterday and carry on. Take one day off the count if you are counting but whatever you do, please don’t reset to day 1.
Thank you so much for sharing - I think it helps us all to realise it’s just not worth it ( for some of us drinkers)
Sending you a strong hug

Thanks @SwiftyFifty you and everyone on here have been such a massive support for me so I would only want to be completely honest. I won't be thinking I'm back to day 1, yesterday doesn't erase all the sober days before. That bottle really wasn't worth it, it gave me nothing but a hazy evening and a crappy morning. Thank you for your lovely response it's definitely what I needed to hear xx

@Icecreamhelps I think you’ve been incredibly brave to post this blip, and it is only a blip, on here. I say this a lot but one slice of cake doesn’t break a diet and I don’t think one bottle of wine undoes all the bloody excellent and hard work you’ve done to get to here. You feel crap today, it’s only a reminder that you sleep badly, feel anxious and generally worse the next day for drinking. None of us are perfect. I had to moderate all last year to get to the point where I felt I could take the next step. In fact, it’s the one thing I don’t like about the marking of dry streaks, how demoralising to go back to zero like 200 plus days sober mean nothing. You are fab and are doing great xx

1 slip out of 200 is nothing. just don't count that particular day. And thanks for posting - it helps me to hear how you felt after. I don't know if you've read the Annie Grace book but she says drinking again - like you did - can be a great reminder of why you don't want to drink.

We had a lovely weekend away at a friend's holiday house. Couple we visited drink - they shared a bottle of wine we gave them over the course of the evening - and didn't finish it. that would NOT have been me. I had a lovely time completely sober.

Hi Everyone, and a huge well done to those who have reached 200 days.
I’ve fallen big time, and wanted to post in case my story gives someone a nudge to keep going.
I made it to around 160 days, I found it quite easy after a very heavy Christmas and NY. I started NY full of resolve to finally crack it. I managed to socialise, have holidays etc and it was fine. I didn’t get the bright eyes, fresh complexion and amazing sleep that people talk about, but I’m 60 so maybe that ship has sailed…
I decided to add in the odd drink, as obviously I would be able to moderate now. How many people have said that, and why did I not take notice? To cut a long story short, I’m right back to square one. A couple of hours that are lovely, then all the rubbish that follows.
My problem is I’m very introverted and am always slightly tense with a constant dialogue in my head. There is nothing I’ve found that gives me the ‘aaahh’ moment and relaxation that the first couple of drinks do.
However, I’m now fed up of feeling low grade ill because of my drinking and now realise that I have no choice but to abstain.
This actually makes me quite sad…how ridiculous is that?
I shall continue to look for my ‘aaahh’ but I’m not sure anything will hit the spot quite the same.
If I could change anything in my life it would be that I’d never touched alcohol.

@BonosToupee thanks for sharing. I’m not sure how long it takes to be able to successfully moderate. I suspect for me, never.
Like you I had started to feel ill and rough every day ( I’m late 50s) and whilst I don’t feel amazing now and have quite low energy, when I think back to the hangovers I’m not sure how I functioned.
At least you know now that alcohol is not quite the golden elixir it’s viewed and marketed as. In terms of the relaxation I used chocolate and now have discovered reformer Pilates. I’m aware it makes me sound like a d.ck but it really has taken my mind off drink and I busy mysekf going to classes and think I would never have done this during my drinking days. Not suggesting you do this of course but I suppose if you could find something to do around the witching hour?
Thanks for sharing, really helps as I’ve never heard anyone say they started again and are really happy about it.
You did amazingly well- 160 days is no mean feat. Good luck with the next 160

However, I’m now fed up of feeling low grade ill because of my drinking and now realise that I have no choice but to abstain.
This actually makes me quite sad…how ridiculous is that?
I shall continue to look for my ‘aaahh’ but I’m not sure anything will hit the spot quite the same.
If I could change anything in my life it would be that I’d never touched alcohol.

@BonosToupee This is exactly how I felt - right down to the wishing I never touched alcohol. I felt overwhelming sadness at the idea of never drinking again - it felt like grief to be honest. But this time around I tried very hard to reframe it as embracing something good rather than giving up something. I also focused on the fact that I didn't want a lovely glass of wine in a nice glass - I mean who wouldn't want that? But I didn't - I wanted a bottle and I wanted to feel drunk. And also it isn't that I don't have a choice. I can drink as much as I want as often as I want - no one can stop me. I am choosing not to.

Good luck with the next 160 days and thanks for posting.

@Icecreamhelpsone bump in the road doesn’t undo all the hard work!! For a fleeting moment the other day I could have done exactly the same.. a little voice in my head said I’d be able to moderate now and a nice cold glass of wine would take the edge off a particularly shitty day. It passed and fortunately I left it there.. BUT it’s a reminder if nothing else - that temptation is always there. You’ve learned a hard lesson, dust yourself off and push on woman. Well done for being honest and accountable 💪

I so agree - I’ve not been going as long as most on this thread, but at 63 days the initial novelty has passed and that little voice telling me that just one isn’t going to hurt is getting pretty insistent.

But I’m the same @Icecreamhelps , the idea of that cool glass of wine is SO tempting, but what I really want is the feeling that comes with it - which is the same feeling that gives me a sly nudge and reminds me that another two (or three or four…) would feel even better.

Morning All.

Hope everyone is okay.

Tootling along here. Similar thoughts re a cold crisp glass of Sauvignon on a summers day pass through my mind too. In fact, we went for lunch the other day and it popped quite forcefully into my head. I was driving anyway, so wouldn’t have acted on that thought even pre this year, but I did actually speak about my feelings to our DS, who quite sensibly reminded me that it would go straight to my head after all this time anyway! Actually I chose a glass of ice cold Pepsi Max, and weirdly that still hit the spot.

I’m not sure that for me, that occasional thought will ever go away, because being truthful - that glass of Sauvignon on a hot summers day IS pleasurable, and I think it’s okay to miss it. You’ve just got to remind yourself that all the other benefits of not drinking outweigh the downsides, I’m not sure this choice is totally black and white. X

Evening all. On way home from a music festival. No temptation to drink. Bought cans of lager for friend then lost them so carried it about with me all day. Unopened. Probably helped that I was with a very light drinker but still, I’m very proud. TBH the thoughts of navigating trains home pissed actually terrified me now.
Hope everyone having a lovely Friday

Morning.

@PeacheyPeach are you okay? I’m sure that you are, you just haven’t posted in a while and I was wondering how you were. X

Hi all xx
Hope you're all doing well x thank you @needastrongone for checking up on me !
I've been away for a week on holiday, will admit that I did have a few drinks while I was away, but it was mindful and no were near to what I would have drunk before. Back on it today, AF again for the foreseeable, it gave me terrible heartburn one night and I had disturbed sleep a few nights so realized how it doesn't really work for my body aswell as my mind x
I'm on a new 100 day challenge x

Hiya gang! Checking in on day 219..! Whoop 🙌 teens away with their dad for a week from today so home alone - had a fleeting thought of a nice glass of wine this evening but it passed quickly and I reasoned with my head that it was definitely not going to be one and I’d feel shocking tomorrow. Playing forward as always ☺️

So, how we all doing?! Who’s still hanging in there?

Hello 👋🏻

10 weeks today. 70 days. Confident now that I’ll make it to 100 and noticing that the way I think about drinking is changing.

I’ve made it through a few big challenges now. All inclusive holiday (including sending back a mocktail that was very much a cocktail). A night with friends who aren’t massive drinkers but are all about the drink in a different way (wine tasting / meal wine pairing nights / wines chosen for the story behind them). I had a sniff and a small sip of two different wines they’d chosen for us, to taste and take part in the chat, but still wasn’t tempted to even finish the small amount in the glass.

I’m feeling much more confident now to socialise as a non drinker, and to my absolute surprise, I’m enjoying it a whole lot more.

@needastrongone your comment above really helped me… The cold glass of wine is a nice thought, and that’s OK. I’m gradually finding replacements.

Really good to read through and catch up with you all x

Hey all, its been a while, but I have been popping in and reading everyone's experiences, more so to keep me on track and not feel alone. You are all amazing, the newbies and oldies! I am <checks notes> 213 days sober.
Big ups to the 200+ club! I never thought I would say it feels normal now.

A couple of things have changed, I tapered myself off Lexapro (escitalopram) which I discovered having read all the posts here, was dimming my light. Once I had fully come off it, I started to feel happy again, when I woke up I felt rested and got the deep sleep benefits everyone mentions when they stop drinking.
So I feel like the positives, even though I haven't drank since Jan, only surfaced in July for me. Now I completely get it, I am genuinely laughing, I feel happy, I feel content. While I was taking Lexapro, although I wasn't as anxious as I was, it made my life feel dull. But this is just me and my physiology probably, my friend who takes it has become a completely different person and lost loads of weight, I - on the other hand packed on the weight and the heaviness of my arse expanding and the lack of feeling really weighed me down - literally.

Now I see a purpose, I don't feel like a failure in life, I am doing pilates 3 times a week (yes Swifty!), running fast walking 3x week, I feel optimistic about my future.

I have had many incidents this year where in the past I would have resolved the impacts by numbing myself with wine.For example, last week I sent out a load of data to exec, but it turned out to be wrong. One of the directors wrote back to me saying they needed the data to be clean if it was communicated etc etc.
Old me would have been devastated, drank, ate, I would have done everything I could to forget, my mind would have been in full overblown analytical chatter mode trying to figure out how to respond, how to fix the errors. I would have missed my pilates class, I would have not walked my dog, you get the picture. But when I read the email, although I was anxious, I thought, I can't do anything about it now, its 5pm. I will sort it out tomorrow. I shut my laptop, took my dog out around the block, got home, rolled out my yoga mat, and I did my online pilates class. Afterwards I made myself some proper food, had a shower, went to bed, didn't sleep fantastically, but still managed 6 hours. Woke up the next day and thought everything I am feeling is what anyone would do if they had made a mistake at work. The best thing I can do right now is work out where the error came from and let everyone know this. In the big scheme of the absolute fukkery that is going on in my workplace my error was totally insignificant and I was able to put it in that perspective. Had I been drinking a bottle of wine a night like I was pre Jan, there is no way I would have reacted like this. I would have drank more to compensate.

So, I feel like I have had a breakthrough in the last few weeks. My friend still mentions me not drinking, even though I still never bring it up. I have been invited to dinners where I have taken af wine and noone has mentioned me not drinking. I am going to see massive attack next week on my own. I am used to going to go to concerts by myself (can't find any like minded peeps here alas) but I would drink to take the edge off, but next week I won't have that. But I will be able to totally absorb the show in full clarity which I am looking forward to.

Anyway, if you are still reading this lol! without you guys I wouldn't be this authentic version of myself, your positivity and life experience gave me the reason to keep going. So thanks guys