Calling Time on Wine - the next 100 days after the first 100 day reset | Thread 3: Continuing to support and navigate together.

[needastrongone]

As promised, a new thread.

As the title states, this is the third thread. It started for those of us who wanted some support and a safe place to navigate a 100 day alcohol reset. Most of us on the thread wanted more time and space than Dry January to fully reset and maybe reflect more on our relationship with alcohol than one month.

What we also found was the most wonderfully supportive and uplifting set of folk, all with the common intention of being AF from January for 100 days. A few blips along the way for some (including me at the beginning) but for those that have, we’ve tried to understand why they happened and most of us have continued to be AF going forward and managed 100 AF days since January.

We are going for another 100 (we all liked the idea of breaking being AF into chunks of time) and I don’t think it matters one bit if new folk want to climb on board and start from here, we can all offer a friendly and non judgmental place here.

@CoffeeCupMilkechoing SwiftyFifty’s words and so sorry to read your update. Wishing you all the best and hoping you recover well.

I was listening to this yesterday l thought it might be a good one to share as it covers Brad Pitt starting to drink again after a stint of sobriety and replicates a lot of our recent thoughts on wondering if we could just have one? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/they-think-its-all-sober/id1690531331?i=1000784475866

Morning all. So the end of another month ( for me this is eight down) and into the last third of the year.
I wonder when I look back on this year on NYE ( a day I hate anyway) will I feel like it was a much better year and not have my usual thoughts ( right next year I’m giving up drinking, losing weight and finding a man lol) Well I’ve achieved two out of three ( ain’t bad) and I cba now with the third.
Im not sure if this might be the hardest time of year to not drink but then we ve just got through a heatwave so we can do it.
Just read Shuggie Bain- harrowing book about a mother’s alcoholism and its effects on her family. Well worth a read and although she was next level, there were times when I thought hmmm I was a little bit like that. Anyway it’s reinforced my intentions.
So my question to all ( whether one month or six months in, whether there’s been a break or whatever) is;
have you learnt anything new about yourself since being sober and if so what?
i ll start with I’ve realised I’m a total ( happy) loner. Few years ago I was always described as the party girl in any group.
Let us know the ONE thing!

Morning all hope everyone is doing well. Sounds like you are all doing amazing and have really kept to your goals.
I have to say August has been a bit hit and miss for me. I have gone weeks with out anything and then found myself having a few drinks over the weekends which then lead to a bit of midweek drinking again so it's crept back in frankly and it's scary how easily my resolve has just gone.
So September is infront of me and it's my new goal. Im doing a month at a time and I'm ready for it. I've a few dry days behind me already so already back in the habit.
School and work back to normal this week so I feel like my routine will be back in place.

@PeacheyPeach you can do it!
@SwiftyFifty I too don’t need the 3rd option either, in fact ‘that’ can get in the bin. I have realised too how much of a loner I am and when I have no plans to see anyone at the weekend god I am so happy. The only downside is working with people who on Mondays always start off the teams chat with How was everyone’s weekendsssss followed by upteen pics of everyone responding with pics of parties, socialising etc etc. I choose to remain quiet and keep the fact the dog and I stared into each other’s eyes most of the weekend when not walking or eating.
This year was the year of health and discovering myself again after a few turbulent years. I am now looking ahead to next year and thinking what will that bring? What’s the next project going to be I wonder?

Ha ha @IjustbelieveinMe yes it’s me and the dog too. The only man in my life.

Hi @SwiftyFifty , I’ve been thinking about your question today. What have I learned about myself through not drinking? I have learned to accept and appreciate the life I have now, even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would be living before DH’s stroke. It’s a smaller, quieter life and a lot of it is based on his needs but there are still moments everyday of peace and pleasure. Not drinking has allowed me the time and space to process those feelings of anger (not all of it, there’s some family relationship stuff that’ll take a lot of time, if ever) but I’m glad for the life I have now.

I’ve been thinking too about some of you being able to turn off the drinking switch and it hasn’t turned on again for you. It’s taken a lot longer for me to do that, I’m there now, and weirdly the two glasses of wine I had (two separate occasions, so one glass each time) were the catalyst. I just felt so shit the next day for absolutely no pleasure whatsoever. In the months from January I have thought and battled at times with the urges and supposed enjoyment of a glass or two. It’s consumed my thoughts a lot. Some of it I needed to do, to understand why I drank and sit in the uncomfortable feelings alcohol blotted out to get to my peace. Some of it was no doubt the unhealthy relationship I had developed with it. I never drank to oblivion, so stopping after one or two I was never worried about. I guess we’ve all needed to find our way.

Hi @PeacheyPeach . Yeah, I think the alcohol creep is real. The moderation just slowly moderates less! It’s not your fault though, it’s genuinely designed to do this very thing, it’s a drug. September feels like such a new beginning doesn’t it with the schools returning so it’s a perfect time for you to get back to it.

I’m not sure all those people will have been having such as good a time as they make out @IjustbelieveinMe . Dogs are the best anyway. I’m a bit of an introvert that likes being sociable if there is such a thing. I chat to everybody and anyone and love company, but only for a couple of hours maximum and then I need my own space. I also have no issue being in the house alone, but will strike up a conversation with a black bin!! My DM is the best house guest because she’s exactly the same so if she comes for tea, she’ll eat and then have a chat for half an hour maximum and then ask someone to drive her home!!

@freshstart2026 how are you doing?

@needastrongone what a very eloquent and thoughtful post.

I've also been thinking a lot about what is the new thing I've learned about myself. Very interesting question @SwiftyFifty .

What has astonished me most about the past 8 months is that I did it and it wasn't that painful. Mind you it did require quite a bit of ... concentration for want of a better word. I've been drinking at very unhealthy levels for years - but nearly always at home, by myself, half of it in secret. When I thought about not drinking I felt a wave of grief - how could I possibly get through life without wine. It literally felt like grief. But this year it was different. I didn't feel that awful sense of loss - still don't.

The big thing for me is it has given me the space to look back at life and my drinking without the overwhelming feelings of shame and powerlessness that I always felt and I feel quite kind about it - I had a lot of hard stuff on my plate and I dealt with it all pretty well. yes it would have been better if I hadn't taken solace in a bottle of wine but I did what I did and got through as best I could. Now I don't need it and so it opens up all sorts of other possibilities. In some ways I think this past year has taught me that maybe I chose the wine so I didn't have to chose anything else - deliberately hobbling myself. Also living in a welter of shame is no way to live your life.

Thanks to everyone on this and the other threads for the support.

Hi all, nice to see the thread is still going and amazing to see some of the OGs from January are still here and going strong. Congratulations, 8 months is an incredible achievement! 🎉

I'm not sober anymore but all is not lost. My 4 months AF at the start of the year does seem to have reset my drinking habits. I used to drink at home, alone. I've not done that. I've drank socially occasionally and on holiday but not home alone. I've not been drunk and there have been many weeks and weekends which have been entirely AF. The biggest win for me without a doubt is breaking the drinking at home cycle. And just having a couple of glasses and not getting so pissed I have to look at my screen with one eye shut at least twice a week, revolutionary. I don't miss it.

I've got a girls weekend at the end of the month, so I plan to have a few drinks then and then do sober October and then November, and then go from January onwards again. Even though I'm drinking so much less than I ever have before, I'm looking forward to having another alcohol break and if I do it, I'll have done 6/12 months completely sober, which doesn't feel terrible.

Hi@Raindancer101 well done on being able to moderate! I think that’s where we would all love to be. Sounds like you have it just right and yes I know exactly what you mean about the one eye squint!
Was thinking last night as I was ironing, washing up, doing chores etc, Friday night could be any night now there really is no difference. Coupled with having to be in the office now and then no wine, it’s all a bit mundane. But then I wake up sober and fresh ( despite my son waking me up rolling in at 2am) and I still am so thankful I’m not drinking atm.
Great idea to do sober October and November and then back to January.
i wonder how we will feel if he get ti January still sober! A friend said something along the lines of oh you are nearly there for this year so I must have said I was doing the year af but now I want to keep going..
Question @Raindancer101 - others have said how it’s never quite the golden elixir they have been dreaming about and they feel underwhelmed and the rough the next day. I’m assuming you haven’t felt like this when you do have a couple?

@Raindancer101 I read a book years ago by Harvard Medical School authors I think called The Almost Alcoholic (it was part of a series I think - the almost diabetic etc). It was basically talking about people whose drinking is becoming very problematic but has not yet tipped over - the first thing they recommend is to take a complete break for at least 3 months. And after that be very aware of what you are drinking etc. It sounds like what you are doing.

That ship has sailed for me but that's ok. I feel way better not drinking than looking forward to it some time in the future or having one when I really want six. My adult daughter was staying with us this week as she had some medical appointments near us. She had an attack middle of the night thursday night - unexpected - and we had to go to the ER (all good nothing awful). It was so nice to be sober, aware, alert, present - and able to drive. I think that is what not drinking has given me - I am completely present in my own life.

Hiya gang! Back from holiday and happy to report not a drop passed my lips the entire time I was away. 😇 in fact it didn’t really pop into my mind at all. In the past I’d have prepared by buying a bottle of wine in duty free on the way out so I knew I had a drink ready the other end.. didn’t cross my mind to do so this time. I did meet a lovely couple at the poolside with a son around my two’s age, their thought process around drinking was quite an eye opening experience-by 3/4pm it was off to the bar until closing every night! Not one to judge but it was glaringly obvious to me that their drinking took priority over everything else. This is what made me think about how the pre planning of drinking alcohol is what hooks us. For me once that first drink hits there’s no off switch hence me being completely alcohol free now lol. This couple spent the mornings in bed, pool by 1/2pm and at the bar by 3/4.. blimey 😨 they also must have spent a fortune on drink. I felt like we did so much more on this trip, I also felt more present if that makes sense. Day 250 today, which is absolutely amazing! I also felt quite comfortable telling others I don’t drink, no huge explanations just ‘I don’t drink alcohol’ something I’d struggled with in the past in saying suddenly seems perfectly normal. No one needs the backstory, I’m super proud of that step forward. Treated myself to a large bottle of expensive perfume on the way home and justified my purchase to the boys saying I’d have spent more on wine had I been drinking all holiday 😆 I’m hopeful I can make the full 365 days.. having done the huge hurdle of getting through the whole holiday season completely alcohol free.

So well done @therockingbird bet you feel amazing

I woke up with another hangover and a horrible runny nose (I often get this after drinking wine). I need to stop again but am finding it so hard. It’s the escapism for me - it dulls my sense of self loathing but obviously the next day makes it worse, and so the vicious cycle goes on. I NEED to not drink tonight and tomorrow.

Quick update, since my last wobble I've been alcohol free. I've also spent minimal time online. I think both are intertwined.

Well done @Icecreamhelps👏 interestingly I’ve been switching my phone to airplane mode whilst I’m working and also in the evening once dinner is over and I finally sit down for the night. I got so fed up of late night messages.. 🙄 normally mumblings from friends who’d been drinking so just switch off.

@freshstart2026 hows it going? its all about just taking one day at a time. I hope you are ok.

My friendship group back in the UK are VERY big drinkers, and what with the hot weather all I have seen in the last few months are photos of pints of beer and beer gardens. Now the Australia spring has arrived, it will be happening here too. But I reached 250 days today, and am not tempted in the slightest.
The only thing that has happened recently is my anxiety and overthinking really amping up, I am wondering if there are any supplements I need to be taking that maybe I am deficient in, but each day, I tell myself its a new day, I am safe, and to try to be the best version of myself that I can be.

Hi everyone. It’s good to come back to this thread and see how everyone’s getting on.
I made it to day 100, a little beyond, and have been thinking a lot about what I want my new relationship with alcohol to look like.

There have been so many advantages, some of them unexpected. Feeling fully present in my life has been a big one, exactly as you described @anewyearthisyear . Another has been the realisation that I don’t actually need alcohol to be fun and present when I socialise… in fact, I’ve had a much better time without it (blown my mind a bit that one).

The thing I’ve struggled with is missing the sense of ‘in it together’, the social bonding that comes when you have a few drinks, share a bottle of wine, have a cheeky lunchtime drink, etc. For that reason I’ve been thinking that I’ll not avoid drinking completely, but just keep it very low level. Anyway, I tried that last night, had one small glass of wine with the meal, and there were three problems. 1. That still left most of the night when drinking patterns weren’t shared 2. Reminding people not to top me up was a pain and took more effort than just not drinking at all, and 3.my sleep last night was shit. After one small glass. I feel shattered and slightly wired this morning.
I’m not sure it’s worth it anymore for me, I don’t know. Back to taking it a day at a time for now.

@DaftPenguin that’s really interesting. I know exactly what you mean about losing that social bond of being in it together. Very well put and I agree that’s what I miss more than the actual drinking. Feeling rubbish and poor sleep after just one drink is unfair isn’t it. Constantly watching you don’t get topped up must have been stressful- you did well not to just carry on as I probably would have done.
Thanks for sharing- these experiences really help me ( for one) realise it’s not worth it and it’s maybe over rated

Hello @DaftPenguin. Similar experience to you - I’ve had a small glass of wine on two occasions now. Tasted nothing like as lovely as I wanted it to taste, I felt weirdly spaced out, slept like crap even on one. I honestly don’t think it’s worth it for me now either. X

Thank you both, your support has really helped today x

@SwiftyFifty I know! One drink. The tiredness has left me feeling stressed and listless and honestly a bit tearful today.

@needastrongone absolutely! It was nice enough but strangely not the huge treat I imagined. Would have been equally happy with a soft drink.

Morning all. Had a friend over for lunch yesterday. She brought a bottle of wine and drank it. I had no urges but I think my mindset is changing because previously I wouldn’t go anywhere or to see anyone without being armed with wine and I would be angrily disappointed if I went to someone’s house and no wine was poured! Now I think well we could have still had a lunch and catch up and there was no need for wine as it didn’t add anything. It’s just the habit and the mindset I was in previously thst wine always adds something to the occasion! I do feel free that I am no longer trapped in that mindset
The only thing it added for me was that I could last longer, I wanted the event to last longer so I could keep drinking ( justifiably) and I could slur and repeat myself lol
My friend wasn’t even slightly drunk after a bottle either but I would have been.

Well done in having no urges swifty. A bottle of wine at a lunch with a non drinking friend is a lot. Maybe it is unusual for your friend but maybe she has her own struggles. We had a friend/colleague of dh's over for dinner on Saturday - he had one glass of red wine. that was it. I imagine if he had no glasses of wine he'd be fine too. Different animal to me.

I don't know if this is true of others here but for years now I have had an excellent sixth sense for others who might have trouble with alcohol - it is almost like having it yourself means you instantly recognise it in others, even if they aren't particularly drinking a lot at the time. Equally I can recognise when someone might have had too much to drink on the occasion but doesn't have that certain relationship with drink. My friend calls it "the thirst'. I could go on mastermind - specialised subject Who is the Problem Drinker

@anewyearthisyear yes it’s like I have a bottle of wine I’m going to drink it all. That was always my problem and they were out all day Friday and Saturday drinking too. My horrendous hangovers saved me in a way but I have a few friends who simply don’t get hangovers and it doesn’t affect their sleep so I guess there’s no off switch then.
The more I don’t drink the more I realise how bad I was.

Been reading up a bit and apparently nine months can be a bit of a turning point and as I approach that I can kinda feel it. What I don’t want though is to become a judgy non drinker!
I’m wondering how we will cope with the Xmas period coming up?