Calling Time on Wine - the next 100 days after the first 100 day reset | Thread 3: Continuing to support and navigate together.

[needastrongone]

As promised, a new thread.

As the title states, this is the third thread. It started for those of us who wanted some support and a safe place to navigate a 100 day alcohol reset. Most of us on the thread wanted more time and space than Dry January to fully reset and maybe reflect more on our relationship with alcohol than one month.

What we also found was the most wonderfully supportive and uplifting set of folk, all with the common intention of being AF from January for 100 days. A few blips along the way for some (including me at the beginning) but for those that have, we’ve tried to understand why they happened and most of us have continued to be AF going forward and managed 100 AF days since January.

We are going for another 100 (we all liked the idea of breaking being AF into chunks of time) and I don’t think it matters one bit if new folk want to climb on board and start from here, we can all offer a friendly and non judgmental place here.

@CoffeeCupMilkechoing SwiftyFifty’s words and so sorry to read your update. Wishing you all the best and hoping you recover well.

I was listening to this yesterday l thought it might be a good one to share as it covers Brad Pitt starting to drink again after a stint of sobriety and replicates a lot of our recent thoughts on wondering if we could just have one? https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/they-think-its-all-sober/id1690531331?i=1000784475866

Morning all. So the end of another month ( for me this is eight down) and into the last third of the year.
I wonder when I look back on this year on NYE ( a day I hate anyway) will I feel like it was a much better year and not have my usual thoughts ( right next year I’m giving up drinking, losing weight and finding a man lol) Well I’ve achieved two out of three ( ain’t bad) and I cba now with the third.
Im not sure if this might be the hardest time of year to not drink but then we ve just got through a heatwave so we can do it.
Just read Shuggie Bain- harrowing book about a mother’s alcoholism and its effects on her family. Well worth a read and although she was next level, there were times when I thought hmmm I was a little bit like that. Anyway it’s reinforced my intentions.
So my question to all ( whether one month or six months in, whether there’s been a break or whatever) is;
have you learnt anything new about yourself since being sober and if so what?
i ll start with I’ve realised I’m a total ( happy) loner. Few years ago I was always described as the party girl in any group.
Let us know the ONE thing!

Morning all hope everyone is doing well. Sounds like you are all doing amazing and have really kept to your goals.
I have to say August has been a bit hit and miss for me. I have gone weeks with out anything and then found myself having a few drinks over the weekends which then lead to a bit of midweek drinking again so it's crept back in frankly and it's scary how easily my resolve has just gone.
So September is infront of me and it's my new goal. Im doing a month at a time and I'm ready for it. I've a few dry days behind me already so already back in the habit.
School and work back to normal this week so I feel like my routine will be back in place.

@PeacheyPeach you can do it!
@SwiftyFifty I too don’t need the 3rd option either, in fact ‘that’ can get in the bin. I have realised too how much of a loner I am and when I have no plans to see anyone at the weekend god I am so happy. The only downside is working with people who on Mondays always start off the teams chat with How was everyone’s weekendsssss followed by upteen pics of everyone responding with pics of parties, socialising etc etc. I choose to remain quiet and keep the fact the dog and I stared into each other’s eyes most of the weekend when not walking or eating.
This year was the year of health and discovering myself again after a few turbulent years. I am now looking ahead to next year and thinking what will that bring? What’s the next project going to be I wonder?

Ha ha @IjustbelieveinMe yes it’s me and the dog too. The only man in my life.

Hi @SwiftyFifty , I’ve been thinking about your question today. What have I learned about myself through not drinking? I have learned to accept and appreciate the life I have now, even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would be living before DH’s stroke. It’s a smaller, quieter life and a lot of it is based on his needs but there are still moments everyday of peace and pleasure. Not drinking has allowed me the time and space to process those feelings of anger (not all of it, there’s some family relationship stuff that’ll take a lot of time, if ever) but I’m glad for the life I have now.

I’ve been thinking too about some of you being able to turn off the drinking switch and it hasn’t turned on again for you. It’s taken a lot longer for me to do that, I’m there now, and weirdly the two glasses of wine I had (two separate occasions, so one glass each time) were the catalyst. I just felt so shit the next day for absolutely no pleasure whatsoever. In the months from January I have thought and battled at times with the urges and supposed enjoyment of a glass or two. It’s consumed my thoughts a lot. Some of it I needed to do, to understand why I drank and sit in the uncomfortable feelings alcohol blotted out to get to my peace. Some of it was no doubt the unhealthy relationship I had developed with it. I never drank to oblivion, so stopping after one or two I was never worried about. I guess we’ve all needed to find our way.

Hi @PeacheyPeach . Yeah, I think the alcohol creep is real. The moderation just slowly moderates less! It’s not your fault though, it’s genuinely designed to do this very thing, it’s a drug. September feels like such a new beginning doesn’t it with the schools returning so it’s a perfect time for you to get back to it.

I’m not sure all those people will have been having such as good a time as they make out @IjustbelieveinMe . Dogs are the best anyway. I’m a bit of an introvert that likes being sociable if there is such a thing. I chat to everybody and anyone and love company, but only for a couple of hours maximum and then I need my own space. I also have no issue being in the house alone, but will strike up a conversation with a black bin!! My DM is the best house guest because she’s exactly the same so if she comes for tea, she’ll eat and then have a chat for half an hour maximum and then ask someone to drive her home!!

@freshstart2026 how are you doing?

@needastrongone what a very eloquent and thoughtful post.

I've also been thinking a lot about what is the new thing I've learned about myself. Very interesting question @SwiftyFifty .

What has astonished me most about the past 8 months is that I did it and it wasn't that painful. Mind you it did require quite a bit of ... concentration for want of a better word. I've been drinking at very unhealthy levels for years - but nearly always at home, by myself, half of it in secret. When I thought about not drinking I felt a wave of grief - how could I possibly get through life without wine. It literally felt like grief. But this year it was different. I didn't feel that awful sense of loss - still don't.

The big thing for me is it has given me the space to look back at life and my drinking without the overwhelming feelings of shame and powerlessness that I always felt and I feel quite kind about it - I had a lot of hard stuff on my plate and I dealt with it all pretty well. yes it would have been better if I hadn't taken solace in a bottle of wine but I did what I did and got through as best I could. Now I don't need it and so it opens up all sorts of other possibilities. In some ways I think this past year has taught me that maybe I chose the wine so I didn't have to chose anything else - deliberately hobbling myself. Also living in a welter of shame is no way to live your life.

Thanks to everyone on this and the other threads for the support.