On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

@harriethoylewell done on 2 weeks. Yep completely get you.
I really do need to stop.
My mental health is horrific in the days following.
I don't know why but I am terrified of saying to close friends that I want to stop. I realise that sounds so stupid. But its true 🤦‍♀️

I think @ERN79 we are very socially conditioned, in certain contexts, to drinking and so it feels like a big change not to. Can you put things in place like being designated driver for a while so you’ve a ready made excuse? I’ve also been very open that, as I age, my hangovers get worse and worse… people are generally quite receptive to that as a reason for staying off the sauce in my experience.

I think you're right.
I don't think I can use the driving unfortunately, but I think I just need to admit it out loud maybe.
And then just think of myself & try not to over stress about other people's opinions. Easier said than done though 🤦‍♀️

When I started cutting down earlier this year I did a couple of sober nights out where I would usually drink with friends and just said that I was trying to actively reduce my alcohol intake - they were really supportive and not at all judgey which I was so relieved by. You might find the same!

I did go alcohol free a year or 2 ago, they were Ok but did try encourage me to have a glass 🤦‍♀️
I'm worse with this one specific friend group. I think I need to try avoid them for a while!
They're big regular drinkers. I'm your typical binge drinker unfortunately.

Same same @ERN79 and eminently suggestible with zero willpower 🤣 it’s no coincidence my current sober streak is coinciding with a quiet period socially!!

I'll be Ok abstaining for a while as I've no plans. But then I'll be over the anxiety & repeat 🤦‍♀️
But I don't want to!

Come back here before your next night out and re-read these posts @ERN79 then take an informed decision

Good idea. 🙂
I've actually sent myself a message with how I'm feeling in the hope that it helps me abstain.
Tired & anxious at the moment, just trying to get through to bed time!

Hey @ERN79 hope you're not still feeling bad. We've all been there! Wondering why we do it. Then doing it again. Repeat.

Do you use any mood tracking apps? Or the Try Dry one, where you can log drinks/dry days + mood?

I had a few (!) drinks on a day out with friends last Weds. Had a fab time and told myself not to feel guilty or bad about it (I didn't get drunk as spaced out and with food).

I don't know if it was a combination of poor sleep and starting a new job anxiety mixed in, but I felt soooo low on Saturday. I know that heavy drinking causes me to be low in mood a few days later. Yet, I still do it 🙄

Currently drinking prosecco because youngest had a fab parent's evening! Only having two glasses tho, as it's only Day 3 of new job tomorrow !

I'm still logging and (mostly) moderating and accepting I drink a lot more in the summer. Considering doing Dry Sept + Oct + Nov ? To balance things out...

@ForeverTipsyI still feel very anxious & ashamed.
Its the loss of memory & teying to piece together the night I struggle with. Worrying what people thought of me, thinking what a state I must've been. The shame is off the scale.
I wasn't even meant to be drinking, ended up at a friend's & they were all drinking & I felt like I was missing out 🤦‍♀️ which is so stupid.
I wish I'd gone home.
Bedtime soon & hopefully will feel a bit better tomorrow.
I just cannot go on like this. But I continue to repeat the behaviour!?
Might try an app. I don't feel I need to track drink free days as I'm a definite binge drinker, nothing for weeks then a massive blowout 🤦‍♀️ But I'll look at the one you suggested.
🙂

I use reframe @ERN79 and I really like it. It helped me reduce my drinking and feel more comfortable with sobriety even before I started this dry spell.

You WILL feel better tomorrow @ERN79 I promise.

I use Try Dry, NHS Drink Free Days AND Drink Aware...but that's just me 🤣

Morning all. Well I still feel anxious & ashamed.
I kind of know its in my head, and am currently trying to convince myself that even though people will have seen me drunk, what's the worst thing they can say? God she was hammered, or what a state. But ultimately are they really going to be that bothered?
I wouldn't be in their shoes, just blimey I bet she had a sore head, ya know?
I sent very short voice note which I've since heard back & I'm slurring my words. I'm so sorry ashamed at this.
My mind is all over. I only seem to get like this when I drink with this group. Ultimately its up to me but Christ they're enablers! Always topping you up, or just another kind of thing.
Honestly think I need to pull back the friendship & just basically not drink with them.
I don't feel I've many friends locally really, though so I think thats why I stick with them. Who knows.
Please help me convince myself that everyone else is over my drunkeness & its just me who can't but needs to get over it!?

Another thing is that I'm currently in the never wanting to drink again stage...
But I'm so scared to admit I feel I've got a problem, particularly to my best friend.
Friends for 30 years, but looking at it theres alcohol involved every time we meet (we don't live close to each other).
So any help with that would be great...

@ERN79 I promise you - no one but you will be analysing your behaviour. They might be doing the same as you about their own - and tell me how many thoughts you've given to them? I bet not one! And if you were group drinking they will all have been in and around the same place that you were. My last hangover lasted 48 hours 😱so you're not out of the woods yet. Take in lots of water and good food today, have another early night and I promise you that this will fade gradually.

Re your friend - could you just mention that you're reframing your relationship with alcohol for physical reasons ie the crippling hangovers so she knows in advance you won't be pinning one on? then turn up with lots of AF alternatives. I have a similar situation at the end of the month and have already resolved I'm taking a bottle of Friexinet 0% as my primary drink for the evening so I have something to fall back on that's not booze!

@ERN79 I definitely identify with that feeling of not wanting to tell close friends. I think part of it is being scared you change your mind later and look like a fool. This is the exact reason people do tell their friends sometimes, for the accountability. I went through every kind of thing with that when I was smoking a lot of waccy baccy in my 20s. That's slightly different due to the way you get a hold of it (usually through friends) but similar in lots of ways in terms of feelings of shame that it can generate if you say one thing then next day do the other.

It's so hard to admit to having a problem isn't it? I have the same thing. I've framed it in lots of different ways to different people depending on how I'm doing and how I felt in the moment.

My current way to describe it is either

"I find I drink too much, too often, and I'm better off just not drinking at all" or

"I find it easier to just not drink at all, than to second-guess myself and get angsty about drinking"

I kind of don't want to use the 'A' word to describe myself -there are far too many connotations that make me nervous/uncomfortable or ashamed. But yes, I'm definitely someone that has an unhealthy relationship with booze and who is happier overall just being sober sober.

To conclude my ted talk... sorry not sorry here's my update

So I had a couple drinks weekend of the 19th there, and then the following weekend (which was my birthday so yanno) but then it was bleeding into the next weekdays, and I had to Have A Word with myself.

Back on the sober sober bus for me. I played with fire, got a little bit singed but it's OK.

@harriethoylethank you. I know its ridiculous, I just can't turn my brain off! 🤦‍♀️
The shame is crazy. Regards people I saw out, but also feel like my kids & husband deserve a better me. Not a slurring drunk one.
General self loathing at the moment.
Trying to stop & think rationally! Just easier said than done isn't it.

Re the friend, I don't know. We enjoy a bottle of wine or 2 together, and to be honest I don't get into the same state with her.
So I don't know what to do really.

@BezMillsthanks.
I don't want to label myself either, I wouldn't consider myself an A. However my relationship with it isn't great! I can't just have the 1. But I can also go a month without a drop.
I've started HRT this year & I felt that helped initially, I'm sure my anxiety after a drink decreased. Its back with a vengeance this week though. 🤦‍♀️

I know it will pass. But until it does its just rubbish.

Im
B ack just checking in. I came on here previously to say I’d been kind of forced to stop drinking because my husband tipped into full blown AUD detox rehab etc and had to come back to a dry house
i I was drinking daily really not huge amounts but enough on occasion to cause lost nights etc
anyhow am now 5 months AF and am on a sunny holiday and am ok in the day but in the evening it’s another matter. I so miss a few glasses of wine with dinner and I am being quite grumpy.
of course there are many benefits but when does it get easier
also if I were to drink would I just go back to the daily drinking ( think my marriage would end) . Just a rant in a safe space really!!

Morning all. Going into 3rd day post drinking & the anxiety is still there but fading, thankfully.
Currently in the 'I'll have to own it' phase should anyne say anything... As in I'll just have to admit that yes I was drunk & yes I'm ashamed. But that I can't change it so here we are!
Am meant to see the same group tomorrow (Saturday) but can't think of anything worse at the moment! And trying to come up with viable excuses as I really have no wish to drink.
We're our own worst enemies aren't we 🤦‍♀️

@ERN79 bless you, you sound so conflicted. Have you ever had counselling? It's just that the word shame keeps coming through on your messages surrounding drinking/hangovers, even when seemingly you've done nothing out of the ordinary?

I've found a brilliant counsellor, and have been to see her a couple of times over the years for 3-6 months (fortnightly sessions). Just a thought, and hope I haven't offended you!

Not offended at all @ForeverTipsyI haven't ever had counselling, for anything. It may not be a bad idea.
I didn't used to be like this, I've only had the crippling anxiety since my 40's I'd say.
I think I'm usually so in control of things, kids, life work etc that when I have these drunk nights its out of character. Parts of the nights are just gone, I've no memory of bits of them that makes me spiral a bit into lots of what ifs 🤦‍♀️ At the time I think I appear fine, people don't say thats enough etc so I must appear to be coping with the alcohol, if that makes sense at all?! But seemingly the morning after tells a different tale!
The shame I think comes from the memory loss. The oh God what did I do. Whereas I know realistically I've not done anything dreadful I still stress what are people thinking, oh god I've let everyone down etc.
I sent my daughter a voice note on Tuesday in reply to a message she'd sent, it was only maybe 10 seconds long if that & i played it back Weds & I sound hammered. I feel absolutely dreadful about that. I hate that she might think badly of me 🤦‍♀️
When again in reality she's not said anything & probably hasn't even given it a thought! She's 12.
The knock on effect of one noght ruins the best part of a week for me.
Drinking just does me no favours at the moment.
Apologies for the rant!

Rant away! It's what we're here for 😉

Ah, I'm in my 40s and have a 12yr old, too (and a teen and older stepson). The main reason for my sober-ish journey over the past few years is the kids. I want to be the best role model I can be. Not aiming for perfection as that doesn't exist. But noticed when I was getting tipsy and drunk the kids hated it. And I was a much worse parent with a hangover. And they deserved more. They can be great motivator for making healthier choices hey?

I'm a fan of counselling but it has to be with the right person. Use your gut instincts and make sure you're a good fit. Can be really helpful to explore the need behind the behaviour. Plus it's so pricey we can't then afford the booze 😉🤣

Thanks @ForeverTipsy🙂
Yes, I'm a crap parent when I'm hungover. And they absolutely deserve more.

I've put my big girl pants on today & I'm trying to be more sod it! Its done so stop beating yourself up!
I do feel better than I did, so got to be going in the right direction!

Have said I may not make it to the occasion tomorrow because frankly I don't want to drink with them. I'm easily led... I'm not blaming them. Its absolutely me! But they're not the right crowd for saying you've gone sober if only short term!