On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstain (judgement-free zone). New thread - Autumn 2025.

[ForeverTipsy]

Hello, here's a shiny new thread for us all - took the liberty after gaining permission from The Original OP @nowstrong! Please tag anyone from the last thread I may have missed...hopefully you can all find us here...

@horrorfan81 @BezMills @hohofortherobbers @addictforanex @alertcat @harriethoyle @StrongLikeMamma @LillyPJ @ohthejoysoftoddler

Hi moderators and abstainers, how's your Tuesday? I've been in bed all day fending off another cold (had a horrid one last month that went down onto my chest; have only just got over that one so could do without this).

@PixelatedLunchbox your comment saying "I love my brain" made me smile! Thanks for the YouTube link, too (I forwarded it to dh, who is drinking too much lately).

@Grandmashorty how on earth did you attend an event with 'overflowing free booze' and not drink?! That's amazing stamina! I get the impression you were still suffering from an awful hangover though, so guess that helped. Well done on your sober streaks; they all add up over time.

@Patty16 please don't hate yourself 😢There are lots of us on here who have been where you are now, and honestly just being here is a great step towards having fewer days where you're suffering with hangxiety and self-loathing. Alcohol is super addictive, you're right.

Will reply to more later...

@Patty16 Oh, and I too find vodka makes me feisty, bad tempered and a little aggressive ! (when I'm the least angry/aggressive person in the world normally) so haven't drank it for years. Usually try it when trying to lose weight as can have it with a sugar-free mixer for low-cals (I don't like gin, sadly) but then remember why I don't drink it. It doesn't give me the warm glow or sense of relaxation like wine does.

@mondaytosunday I'm so sorry you lost your dh suddenly, that must have been very traumatic for you. I think we can all relate to the alcohol consumption sneaking up gradually over time. Well done for taking these steps to cut back.

@harriethoyle congrats on recognising a slippery slope when you see one, and avoiding it, that's massive. Sorry work sounds stressful (had to Google snafu as had forgotten what it meant!). Love singing as a stress reliever!

@DoubtfulCat (were you AlertCat previously yeah?) so glad you had fun at the festival! I always feel smug bringing alcohol back from something like that; did the glass of red taste better knowing you'd not drunk it whilst at the festival? Well done for stashing it back in the cupboard, and sorry your joint pain is bad.

@Nowstrong how do you drop kg's so quickly when you quit?! I've been trying to lose weight since March, and have lost a whopping 2kgs ! (I need to lose about 8kgs to get into the healthy BMI range).

Day 9 of AF for me, which is a good streak after the summer of indulgence. Full of cold again, which always helps me abstain.

Have a good week everybody.

Yes I was AlertCat 🐈‍⬛
whispers when I have a break, the wine is less and less interesting when I have some. Maybe I should spend more on it?? Or just stick to whisky…

Yes to this! I sometimes find after a break I try some wine and think "Oh, this is, umm, ok, I guess...". Luckily I don't like gin or whisky, so that's not tempting! If I'm going to crave anything this time of year it'd be a glass of red wine (summer is for cider and prosecco). Though I caught norovirus last October and it was horrendous in many ways, but one being last things I'd drank and eaten was some gross 0% red wine (Sober October) and curry before the projectile vomiting etc started...can still feel the burn in my throat of the 'red wine' now if I try, and I couldn't eat curry for months after ! (and I love curry). Was kind of accidental aversion therapy as I didn't have a glass of red wine for months after my 100 days sober !

Not that I'm wishing norovirus on anyone (and no, I've never tried 0% red wine since haha).

Very wet good morning to all! To answer your question @ForeverTipsy, I've had a sort of "wake up" moment concerning weight loss. I've not only stopped (or highly moderated) my alcohol intake but also managed over the last couple of months to stop nibbling. Completely. Also banished the "healthy" hidden calories from my meals, as I am a bit of a greedy guts. Stopped adding "very healthy" and yummy peanut butter to sauces. Less honey 😢. Now count my nuts 😳and measure dried fruit. I've found this calorie explanation video (and others) very helpful in visualising the calorie contents of some ingredients and making swaps https://www.youtube.com/shorts/R5uIRp-4JNI
The nibbling was my real downfall. I'd boredom nibble. I now try to occupy myself better when I feel the "need" creeping in on me. Read a book. Force myself to pop outside for a quick walk. Must be working as the weight is shifting (at last!).

Sending positive and very wet vibes to all. Stay strong and don't forget that little bit of self love.

Ugh. Drank way too much last night out with friends and I feel WRETCHED this morning. I think I might have got to the stage where the hangover is not worth the alcohol high the night before. It’s just miserable to feel poorly and tired - and my sleep last night, which has been much improved, was dreadful.

Lots to ponder. Out with different friends on Thursday (who are properly boozy) and am going to need to formulate a strategy to avoid the pressure to drink. Think I might say I’m driving…

@harriethoyle I’m at that point with the hangover not being worth it but then as soon as hangover wears off I tell myself I’ll drink less next time and it’s like going round in circles 🤦‍♀️. I never get past 6 days with no alcohol and today will be my trigger day as I have a day off tomorrow. Last Thursday I woke up slightly hungover and wasted my day in determined to do better this week

I have also had a sort of epiphany, and have cut 2/3 of the oat milk out- I now have just one milky coffee a day and take time to really enjoy it. I’m having more protein at lunchtime, less pasta and more veg, smaller evening meals (which hurt at first and I felt very hungry, but quickly reset and now don’t want more than I’m having) and when I have bread, am choosing sourdough and feeling much better for it. Haven’t had crisps for ages. It feels odd to say I’ve lost 8kg over about 16 weeks because I still have chocolate and cheese and cake occasionally, I’m not dieting as such. But it’s working.

Oh, and drinking less also makes me snack less… and perhaps be more mindful generally?

Thanks for the YouTube clip @Nowstrong - just the sort of content I need. Impressed with your even healthier healthy eating - your halo must be neon! I'm very envious. Am also prone to being a greedy guts. Food = love and comfort for me. Need to take a leaf out of your book and ditch the snacking. Sure it'll be easier when the kids have grown and left home, as most of the treats come from/are for them. DH isn't a foodie at all (opposite to me) so think it'll be a breeze to just not buy delicious treats and snacks when it's just the two of us.

@harriethoyle how are you feeling today? Did you end up drinking tonight? @Patty16 did you manage to make 7 consecutive nights AF?

@DoubtfulCat I would bloody love to lose 8kgs in 16 weeks - well done! Need to be a lot more mindful, just been difficult over the summer as I lost a good friend very suddenly (brain tumour) and the grief has been immense. Back in therapy now so hoping that'll help me in many ways, food and drink included. I've just got to accept that at my age I can't have lots of treats any more, and even though I eat 80% whole, naturally healthy food...the 20% is too much to lose weight.

I'm still full of cold, so not been tempted to go and buy alcohol. So that's 11 days in a row (most I've done for months). Thinking I'll just keep going and it'll creep into Sober October. Meaning I'm aiming for six weeks total.

Hello everyone. Hope you don’t mind me hopping on this thread (Again)
I’vr quit alcohol before the longest for 3 months but always went back. I don’t drink every day but I usually drink most weekends and when I drink I drink and don’t know when to stop, I suffer with anxiety anyway for to hormonal imbalances (early menopause) which the dr has finally prescribed me HRT for but alcohol makes my anxiety so so much more worse, I regularly have blackouts where I don’t remember half or sometimes even the whole of the night. I’ve said things and hurt people that I don’t even remember saying and don’t know even why I said it. I’ve decided now is the time to completely abstain from alcohol. It’s not easy living in a mummy wine society so hoping to chat and share experiences and ideas with likeminded people will help me through any challenges that may lay ahead. I want to feel better and be better. Any success stories, strategies, or just general advice is so welcome over this way. So far done 5 days and this weekend will be my first weekend. I find the week pretty easy as I was never a week drinker but the weekends may be a different story xx

Thanks for checking in @ForeverTipsy

So I’d decided that I’d use driving as an excuse and when I got to the bar my friends were there, and had a bottle of wine and three glasses. I went to the bar and got an AF morretti. They were taken aback and so I just decided to be honest. I said that I was recalibrating my relationship with alcohol, that I’d been finding it increasingly hard to moderate between nothing and absolutely smashed and so I’d decided to actively reduce my intake. They were both SO supportive, not at all judgey and it was great. In the end I had 3 AF beers and one glass of wine with supper which would have been unheard of with these particular friends in the past. To put it in context they had three bottles of wine between them and if I’d be joining in we would definitely have had a fourth - which would have been 1.33 bottles each. So to come away having only drunk one glass felt like a real achievement!

Hi i managed my Af evening before a day off and felt a huge difference, I had such a productive day yesterday
@ForeverTipsy I hope your feeling better soon
@TiA303091 you sound exactly like me, if I drink vodka I have complete blackouts and then get told the next day everything I’ve done and said. Don’t be to hard on yourself and well done on 5 days
my longest af is always 6 days but determined to get through the weekend, I’m working all weekend so hoping that will help

Am also prone to being a greedy guts. Food = love and comfort for me. @ForeverTipsy this is so me. Another thread made me consider that the disordered eating I thought I had left behind might still be with me in a different form, I really struggle to leave or throw away food (some other elements to my eating too). I say it’s a waste, but someone replied recently that eating it when I’m full already is also a waste and that was a real eye-opener for me. Ditto wine!

Anyway, in terms of diet and drinking, I’m tapping into a similar mindset for both- like in pregnancy when you just can’t, so you stop wishing for it. Acceptance. It would be easy to slip, but so far it’s ok.

Weekend today and I am going to see how moderation goes (having ended sober September last Sunday with a single glass of red).

@harriethoyle well done, that is fantastic. Maybe your friends will think about joining you. It’s brave to say what you did.
@TiA303091 @Patty16 hello 👋 welcome x

@Patty16 hope the weekend goes well for you. I plan on taking my little ones winter coat shopping tomorrow so definitely need a completely clear head for that and Sunday I don’t have plans yet. The blackouts are scary. My problem is I don’t have an off switch so I’m better to just completely quit. Xx

@DoubtfulCat ah, what does feeling full like then?! ;-) I don't think I have a full switch in my system. And I've an over abundance of taste-buds and just love eating ! Desperate to shift a few kgs and get back into my size 14 clothes though, and get the HbA1c level down, so will need to make changes and stick to them. Acceptance is the first step to change as they say.

Well done @harriethoyle for confiding in your friends last night. That was very brave and vulnerable of you, and I'm so glad they were supportive. Amazing to just have one glass instead of 1.3 bottles, what massive progress.

Welcome @TiA303091 hope you're doing ok. Are you and @Patty16 using any apps or podcasts to support? I find tracking on the DrinkAware and Drink Free Days apps useful for accountability and keeping my alcohol intake low. Also watched Rain in my Heart recently and it had a big impact on my thoughts about drinking.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

@ForeverTipsy yeah I’m using Drinkaware and drink free days
I’m currently sitting on a Saturday night with one of the mini bottles of real Prosecco followed by a few AF Proseccos. Never tried anything AF before, a very different evening for me

how’s everyone else doing?
@TiA303091 hope the coat shopping went well

I'm having a sad weekend. This time last year I was zooming up to Scotland to be with my mum who had had a fall - but she died before I got there.

I'm having a glass of wine. But just the one.

@BezMills I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m not surprised you need a glass of wine

Sorry Bez, that’s awful. Sending gentle hugs x

Hi everyone.
@BezMills so sorry to hear about your mum, I really hope you’re looking after yourself this evening 💗
@ForeverTipsy hey 👋 yes I’m using the reframe app and I’ve also got a journal that I bought for quitting alcohol. I’m also going to have a look at some podcasts for when I’m on my dog walks.
@Patty16 the coat shopping didn’t go very well, we couldn’t find anything! However I did buy some new bras and some new cushions for the sofa 🤣
it’s my first Saturday night alcohol free and it’s actually not that bad at all. I did think at 6.30 when cooking dinner usually by now I’d be having a glass of wine! But not really craved it. About to have a hot chocolate and watch the runaway bride.
hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday 💗

Thinking of you @BezMills , one year is nothing and you must miss your mum so much. Big UnMumsnetty hug.

Sorry you're low @BezMills
Well done people's moderating and AFing. Im holding on by the the skin of my teeth with the end of Sober September in sight😬

Thanks everyone. I've had a nice weekend with family, had another wine tonight with dinner. I can't believe it's been a year, it seems like no time at all.

That's me at almost nine months mostly sober. I'm pleased but trying to avoid complacency. I'd be so upset with myself if I drifted back to drinking every day etc.

Hope you're all doing well. Keep on keeping on!

Evening everyone how are you all?
@BezMills so glad you’ve had a lovely weekend with the family. I hope you are okay and managed to reminisce on lovely memories of your mum.
today is a week since I quit the wine and the first completely dry weekend I’ve had for I can’t even remember.
it’s been a lovely weekend and so so nice to not have my dreaded hangover! The hangovers definitely have seemed to have got worse as I’ve got older. I feel so much more organised, and I’ve been completely present with the kids which has felt amazing. Now a lovely warm bubble bath and I’m going to watch house of Guinness starring James Norton (my new guilty pleasure)
hope you are all keeping well. Sending you all love 🥰

Well done @Hohofortherobbers - I ended mine early, but interestingly (for me) I am enjoying my wine much less than ever before. I really enjoyed a couple of beers and a whisky, but I’m going to skip the wine for now I think. Also it’s easier to moderate on beer because I have one, or two- it’s not a case of aiming for half the bottle of wine but accidentally drinking 3/4 of it. I would not have noticed this without the weekends off… and I feel I might be less bothered now about the odd dry weekend.