DD behaved abysmally and need to vent

[Innish22]

My DB looked after both of my DCs at the weekend and DD (11) and himself had a falling out. DB was furious when dropping them back and said outright that he won’t be looking after her again.
I don’t blame him and I’m very disappointed in her, but I also know that my brother holds grudges for ever, which means that this will cause friction for the wider family.
DD is digging in her heels and refuses to apologise, but she seemed upset this evening and I think that she is ashamed and will come around.
That’s it. I just needed to vent because it’s the last thing I needed to start the week.

Why won't she apologise if she knows it's not true? Could there be any more to this than meets the eye?

Assuming the accusation is completely baseless, I'd still agree with your brother that he should never be alone with your dd for his own safety (from accusations).

This is a good reply/advice actually

Yes, I’m mortified and really angry about this and I want to know where she got it from. I’m not sure how I’ll tackle it to be honest. But I want her to really understand what she said before any apology.

She knew what she was doing. What consequences will she face?
I wouldn’t be surprised if your bro doesn’t look after any children ever again.

Thats awful and at 11 she knows how to behave. I do not blame your DB at all. I would be coming down hard on this - she cannot be allowed to not apologise and there should be consequences.

She did what?😮I don't blame your brother for his reaction, wrong allegations like that can be life ruining. Not to mention the homophobic aspect, if she only said it because she knows he is gay. Honestly, in his shoes I wouldn't look after her again. How distressing for him.

I don’t blame your DB. What consequences will have have?

What was it that he told her off for? Does that also deserve consequences?

You do need to have a proper chat with her just in case there could be any truth to what she said. Make it known you won’t be at all angry etc. Assuming that what she said is baseless, then I don’t blame your DB for being upset, but you need to be sure, and that’s more important than being angry at your DD.

I think a written apology would be my response to the situation. There would also be consequences like zero screen time, more boring repetitive chores and volunteering her spare time.

Wow, that’s pretty awful. I wouldn’t be looking after her again either. Sorry but an apology isn’t going to cut it is it?

I’m really sorry to detail but what is your username referencing? Is it happy valley by any chance? I can hear it in my head but can’t place it!

Why on earth would a child who has ‘a gay fun uncle’ have those views ☹️?
Must have heard it from school? I think it’s important to get to the bottom of that. It’s rather unusual for someone who is close to a gay relative to have such negative views on them.

What a ridiculous thing to say!

That's awful. I have an 11 year old daughter and she wouldn't even think to make that kind of accusation. I'm not even sure she would have the awareness of what that means. I would question where she got the knowledge of paedophilia or 'liking little boys'. I think pp advice to take her seriously is good - either it needs to be taken seriously because she's seen or heard something, or it communicates to her that this sort of accusation can't be made flippantly.

He is wise to never look after her again and, in order to safeguard others, I would never let any man look after her on their own, even her own dad-she has a vicious mouth on her that could cause untold trouble and ruin a life.

@DeeDeeSharpWhatKindOfLadyNSoul
I agree, DD needs to learn that words and accusations have consequences And she needs to think before she speaks
If DB hadn't reacted she mightve kept on saying it believing there was some truth in it to all and sundry
He has every right to be upset with her

It’s Line of Duty!

It’s so interesting how so many people are hearing that a child has accused an adult of being in appropriate with children, and instead of asking for more information and checking the child is ok, the response is thst she’s definitely lying and needs punishing.

Whilst she is old enough to know that saying hurtful things when angry is not a great thing to do. It does depend on why she was in trouble in the first place and what her reasoning was behind what she said.

Well ok, I’ll do it. Is DD ok and was her awful accusation an indication of what she herself, or another child had seen her uncle do or say?

There is absolutely nothing to suggest it is true and how would the DD have knowledge of it when she’s talking about him looking after a different child? The DD’s behaviour is vile and homophobic and her refusal to apologise is beyond the pale.

I have been called a paedophile twice during my career as a teacher by very angry kids. I think it’s the worst thing they can think of to say. On both occasions they were deeply troubled kids.

Comments have covered it, don’t think the uncle would say it if he was. But I would do a check and make sure there is not truth in it.

Because of the way she has done it. She’s openly mocked him and called him a paedophile who likes little boys. That is not how abuse victims tend to disclose their knowledge of abuse.

However I have seen multiple teens accuse adult males of being a “dirty pervert”
and a “paedo”. Usually in a school setting where a teacher tells them to do something they don’t want to do. It’s a well known insult that tweens and teens use. It doesn’t at all suggest there is truth to the matter in this context.

Op..might she have heard this somewhere else? From school or another family member? It seems a lot for an 11 year old to just randomly come out with.