Would it be kind to take treats in after an awkward comment?

[ForMerryPinkCat]

I saw the most awkward situation at work today and have to share it because I keep thinking about it.

I work in a small team and we had a new person start today who unfortunately seems to have foot in mouth syndrome.

She's already accidentally insulted the business owner by making a bad joke about his car. (He's a farmer and drives a mildly battered pick up)

She then made a thoughtless remark because I put a spoonful of sugar in my coffee. Fat people shouldn't have sugar, apparently.

The thing that's making me cringe is a conversation I only got the last bit off but it was awful.

The business owner's wife also work for the business. New hire said "sorry, I have CDO. It's OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be."

That's cringe enough but it was incredibly awkward and horrible because the couple who own the business have a teenager daughter who has been suffering very badly from (diagnosed) OCD and is currently in hospital because of it.

Would it be weird if I took a few treats in tomorrow? They're both lovely people and the family has been through so much I'd like to do something to show them we care!

Look at me, I’m so kind.

Oh how supportive of you

Why are you taking treats in?

be wary of bad mouthing a colleague, it can come back to haunt you if you think you can make remarks about others simply because you deem them to be weak.

Why would you taking in ‘treats’ be related to the new hire making inappropriate comments?

just stay out of it, otherwise it looks like you are trying to embed yourself in the drama of it all and come out looking ‘good’. As a manager, that would irritate me even more than the (rude and frankly baffling) comments. Everyone hates a suck up!

I brought them in, popped them in the break room and said nothing about them. There's at least half gone so someone is enjoying them 😆

New person isn't in today so I'm not poking at them.

I did stand up for myself after the sugar comment.

She's back in tomorrow so it'll be interesting to see how things go.

Challenge the new colleague, when she says inappropriate stuff. Say things like 'I think that's inappropriate' or 'I don't think we should be making light of people's disabilities'. It makes you look complicit if you say nothing. She will carry on unless she's challenged

So this whole thread was a complete non-event, because it's completely normal to bring in cake to your workplace and leave it in the break room? And you didn't go in search of your bosses and tell them the special brownies were to console them for the newbie's insults against his car and insensitive jokes about their daughter's OCD?

This person sounds dreadful and won’t be there long I suspect.

Yes, very strange and irrelevant.

I would disagree that it is ‘typical’ of autistic people. There is no such thing.

But if you must generalise, many autistic women mask to the extent that they wouldn’t just blurt out offensive shite.

And she will go whining about bullying if she’s pulled on what she says. Just because she offended the boss, doesn’t mean they won’t support her.

Just hope that she leaves soon

Why would I do that? You're being weird 😬

Well, this is what you posted, op. Remember?

Would it be weird if I took a few treats in tomorrow? They're both lovely people and the family has been through so much I'd like to do something to show them we care!

She’s probably nervous

just brush it off

That's a nice thing to do kind and thoughtful.

Well I do & many of my peers do. I can look back on my teens & twenties & cringe at some of the things I said as completely oblivious at the time. Especially in new jobs & social settings where I felt extremely uncomfortable & socially awkward.

There wasn't the support back then & not even a 'label' we just had to middle through copying others comments & jokes & often getting it wrong.

It is very typical of autistic people to repeat things but miss the context or make a joke or comment that's very literal but other neurotypical would find odd or offensive.

It's very factual to know that putting sugar in tea isn't good for you & especially if someone is fat. It is very typical of autistic people (yes I know not everyone) to not realize that someone may also know that fact but do it anyway.

I apologize if my autism is still not good enough - I probably do unintentionally still 'blurt out offensive shite' but thankfully my colleagues, friends & family are more aware of autism.

It is good that many more women are diagnosed nowadays but sometimes it makes it harder for those with more significant difficulties with social interactions as that is the reality for many of us

Ms Foot in Mouth may just be Miss Little B1tch. Let's not rule that out!

It's ok to give somebody the benefit of the doubt, especially if they are younger, but some of these things are downright mean not just awkward or clumsy.

Treats are a lovely idea, I used to do that to bolster morale, but I might also express my concerns to the boss in a polite and measured way. I doubt you're the only one who has noticed.

If she can't mind her manners, then let's hope she leaves or gets fired soon. It doesn't sound like she's a "good fit" for any work environment!

You sound like a lovely, caring person. I’d like to work with you. I do love a chocolate brownie ☺️

I doubt they’ll see any connection at all between treats and what’s gone on, so I’d take them in. Who doesn’t love treats?

Maisymouse2
How would the new hire know about the ocd daughter!

How would the new hire know that making crass "jokes" about a disability when you don't know whether that particular disability affects anyone in the office is a bit of a no-no? Hmmm, let me think....

The fat-shaming was another example of misplaced humour; what sort of "banter" would it be to tell someone who has just put a spoonful of sugar into their coffee that fat people ought not to eat sugar? That's rude, plain and simple, and it is still rude whoever says it.

Likewise, what sort of braindead hamster openly makes remarks, purporting to be funny, that are critical of their boss's car?

To me the brownies don't come over as sucking up, because bringing in something of that sort is usual behaviour. They say, "To blazes with your fat-shaming, I like brownies and we all eat them, in this office that's normal behaviour so tough titty kitty-meow."

God, if it’s normal to take treats in why the thread asking if it would be weird, op?!

Because these were special ‘Isn’t the new hire awful?’ brownies.

I’m AuDHD and probably similar age to you in that it wasn’t a ‘thing’. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 50 but if I hadn’t learnt to mask sufficiently I wouldn’t have been working in the field I do.

I taught myself to minimise social interaction with people I don’t know as much as possible. And yes I think things but avoid blurting them out - hence why I would always just get the lie of the land in any new job before I tried to have a laugh with my colleagues.

And because I am ND, I would find the comment about the sugar would be enough for me to completely write that person off. Although I have usually formed my opinion instantly anyway.

But thanks for explaining my own condition to me. I am fully aware of the difficulties as I face them daily.

I just hate the generalisation, especially by others who have the condition. We all present differently and it’s perfectly possible for the colleague to be a cunt as well as/instead of being ND.

And my employer and colleagues know I’m ND but if I spoke to a colleague like that I would still be subject to the same treatment as anyone who is NT.

I wouldn’t even say the sugar comment to my closest friend who I happen to work with. And we get fairly close to the bone sometimes and she’s a ‘ride or die’ friend.

So not all ND people are imperceptive jerks, and not all imperceptive jerks are ND. That sounds to me simply like common sense, really.