Would it be kind to take treats in after an awkward comment?

[ForMerryPinkCat]

I saw the most awkward situation at work today and have to share it because I keep thinking about it.

I work in a small team and we had a new person start today who unfortunately seems to have foot in mouth syndrome.

She's already accidentally insulted the business owner by making a bad joke about his car. (He's a farmer and drives a mildly battered pick up)

She then made a thoughtless remark because I put a spoonful of sugar in my coffee. Fat people shouldn't have sugar, apparently.

The thing that's making me cringe is a conversation I only got the last bit off but it was awful.

The business owner's wife also work for the business. New hire said "sorry, I have CDO. It's OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be."

That's cringe enough but it was incredibly awkward and horrible because the couple who own the business have a teenager daughter who has been suffering very badly from (diagnosed) OCD and is currently in hospital because of it.

Would it be weird if I took a few treats in tomorrow? They're both lovely people and the family has been through so much I'd like to do something to show them we care!

Aye, there's that thing where rude, cheeky bastards are excused of it just because...reasons..... Absurd, isn't it?

I figured from the title that you were taking treats to make up for an awkward comment that you made, which would make some sense... but this doesn't, really.

It wasn't one comment; it was at least three. You didn't make them. Only one was aimed at you; and the response of taking treats feels a bit goady in response to that? It's difficult to frame taking cakes in response to a comment about being fat as anything other than either bizarrely passive or deliberately goady...

Overall I think I'd say out of it.

Sure, take in treats if it's something you would normally do, but i don't think it should be framed as " you hired an awkward, insensitive (possibly nervous) moron, cheer yourself up with a brownie. It's not your problem to fix and it's not your "awkward situation (s) to apologise for. The sugar thing...... the classic "did you mean to be so rude?"

If bringing the brownies makes YOU feel better/feeling as having some agency, you can do it.

However, you have no control over whether the gesture would be understood.

You have a choice of defending your boundaries when you are directly involved and waiting for someone else to do something.

She sounds like an idiot, but you sound like you’re after brownie points (excuse the pun).

I’m sure the parents are used to people making ignorant comments about OCD - ie the typical “I like tidiness, I’m so OCD!”.

the sugar comment will annoy me too, I've been overweight and diabetic but I still take some sugar in my coffee too, just measured amounts.
I don't see why you should not take treats in if you normally do. Lets hope she doesn't comment on that as well lol

I just don't understand why this turns into the need to take chocolate brownies in to work 😬 rather than explaining to her why her comment may have landed badly!

The "treats" look a bit like you saying, Hey, I'm the lovely caring employee round here. Unlike a certain person we won't mention.

Don't know how bringing tests in will make any difference tbh.

Those type of jokes are typical of someone autistic who doesn't get social norms & context. I've worked with a few people like that who repeat a joke word for word that was okay in one situation but wildly offensive in another. Being new & anxious makes that 'masking' type conversation more likely. She may not realize she's caused offence. Sometimes you have to let comments bounce off you & become resilient to it.

Boss may well know if she's disclosed something like that.

A polite word saying 'we are careful here about making jokes about each other as it makes people uncomfortable ' & a quiet word about commenting on mental health etc & explaining what OCD actually is would be more beneficial (you don't need to say anything about bosses daughter)

Bring in treats for the team if you want to but it won't do anything to tackle the problem or make an offensive joke any less offensive than it was the previous day.

Providing treats for everyone else because we have to work with X is also being a bit bitchy & excluding someone & won't help

One day and so many insults! I think just get ready to stand up for yourself when they make the next silly comment.

The boss and his wife might not be cringing as much as you are. They may care more about the quality of her work.

How do you know she doesn't have OCD and making a self-depreciating joke?

She sounds like a hoot actually! I think you're being a bit oversensitive, I don't think she means it the way you think she does. I lecture everyone about sugar, I don't take account of how large they are or not. It's something everyone should cut down on. Emotionally supporting yourself with sweets isn't healthy either.

She sounds like she was maybe a bit nervous and basically forgot to engage brain as a result, trying a bit too hard with no filter.

If treats usually lighten the mood I would take them in as long as it doesn’t seem odd. She might relax a bit, it’s not really for you to have a word either her. That being said you are well within your rights to stick up for yourself at anything directed at you.

Agree.
Bringing treats in is something that will get you noticed.
It seems like the new person makes you feel deprived of a voice.

Also, if you don't like specific comments you have a mouth surely? Are you unable to say "I'm not sure that's a great thing to say"
However you've chosen instead to complain about her to randoms.

I have to say, fixing whatever's going on with cake is a new one on me. Wouldn't turn down a slice, mind. It's cake.

Kind of sweet of you to think of treats, but also weird. It's none of your business, and cake is no consolation for a hospitalitised daughter and problematic appointment.

Or it sounds like the new hire is a right t*at and this woman just wants to have a cheerier day at work tomorrow with brownies included...

This. A shit-stirrer in disguise.

How will taking in treats help?

op didn't say she hasn't, and how would op even know? op just doesn't tlseem to think anyone should mention those letters around the bosses

Very peculiar reaction from you, op.
If her bosses consider her behaviour inappropriate, they’re presumably capable of speaking to her themselves.
They hardly need to be patted down with “treats” from someone who wasn’t even involved.

I have OCD and get a bit pissed off when people joke about it because it is in fact horrendous and life-ruining. So if my child was hospitalised with it then I can imagine I'd feel the same, if not worse.

No, it would be very passive-aggressive of you.

This is a classic "Did you mean to be so rude?" situation.

Would it be kind to take treats in after an awkward comment?

Kind to whom?
Do you mean kind to the owners? Were they very upset then ?
Or kind to the new girl?
Or kind to the staff?
I’m failing to understand what you mean OP.

Why do you think that being kind is something you need to ask about. You can be kind any time. You don’t need an excuse.

Surely taking in brownies is nothing to do with the new girl having been out of order. I don’t see the connection.

i think that what would be kind, would be to very discreetly take the new girl aside and say …’as a staff member who has been working here longer than you, do you mind if I just give you a word of advice…if you want to do well here, try not to be quite so over-familiar with the bosses and remember that it’s just not ever going to go down well if you make personal remarks, or jokes about disabilities as that is all seen as very unprofessional in the work place. Or something along those lines.

Bring in brownies if you must but don't link it to the new colleague or anything she has said. It would come across as obsequious, as well as slightly patronising - they run a business, they aren't children who need mollifying after someone was mean to them.

yep, there is like a sly smugness to it 🙈

That would be a bit daft. It would be a bit like getting an iced cake saying ‘sorry about the new member of staff being a silly sausage, hope you’ll be ok’.

Unless you bring treats now and again anyway (which would make your whole OP irrelevant).