Would you message a childhood bully on a forum after 40 years?

[Woolybear]

Hi I wonder what everyone’s thoughts were on this, if you were able to private message someone on a forum, someone you hadn’t seen from childhood for 40+ years and hope never to see again would you tell them what a vile bully they were?

No, I wouldn’t.
I let it go years ago, for me, no one else and discovered that the best “revenge” is a life well lived.
And then I found out that the girl who had been so vile to me was arrested for prostitution and had her children removed by social services. I just felt sad for her and her children.

To add to that, Sara Cox's school bully phone into her radio show asking for a shout out. Sara had not forgotten or forgiven this bully and said as much.

This demonstrates that many school bullies have no insight into the face that they were bullies.

I would and I would not pull my punches. I'd describe in detail what they did and how it impacted me. I would conclude with something along the lines of mental illness is real and I hope you've gotten professional help.

Hell no.

Not unless they approach you, no. They will either deny it or ignore you, I doubt you’ll get the result you’re after.

would message them with forgiveness for their behaviour you see the situation as an opportunity for personal growth and wish them the happines you Have hate harms the hater unless you are enjoying making an identity out of the resentment

No.

I had this happen to me in a pub when they came up to me after not seeing me for 20+ years and wanted to have a conversation. I just said "Go away Jason" and the turned away and waled to a different part of tbe pub

I stupidly found my high school bully on FB and messaged her. I just asked 'Are you the Becky who went to XXXX school?' Got a snotty, dismissive reply from her which actually made me feel worse so I didn't follow it up.

However her photos on FB showed a really ugly woman, she was once quite the Queen Bee popular Regina George-type so I took satisfaction in seeing she'd lost her looks and figure.

Ive twice unexpectedly come across a close relative of 2 different bullies that I was unfortunate enough to have to endure in my life (brother of one and ex-husband of the other) I let rip on both of these unlucky individuals and it felt blimmin marvellous. . They were both aghast and apologised profusely on behalf of their vile relatives. Neither of them had any issue with me and i think both took the view that "yes, she was and is a fucking nightmare and im so.sorry you were subjected to that". I always step forward for this kind of conversation now. Id have no fear in holding a bully responsible for their past behaviour . They have no.power over me now and I would relish making them squirm if im honest

No as long as I get things off my chest

The person I am talking about was 16/17
I was about 7 or 8 years old it wasn’t bullying at school and it went on for a number of years I was so relieved when she went to live in a different country.
I think I will just remind her exactly what she did.
People Say you don’t know what was going on in their lives, I knew her very well and we had pretty much similar situations and not in a million years would I terrorise someone especially someone so much younger.
I’m quite a strong person and compassionate but I wouldn’t tell her I forgive her.

I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. I’d actually act like they never existed.

Write it in a journal then save yourself the trouble of contacting someone from 40 years ago who probably doesn’t remember or even cares.

That is so sad.

But glad you felt better obvs!

What, and let them know you've been stewing about it for 40 years? Absolutely not

Nah

But if they talked to me, I would tell them to get to fuck

I know it makes me bitter. I know I am actively suffering due to being unable to let go. But I will never forgive them for what they took from me.

Awww really tricky. If only you had a crystal ball to see if the outcome was good or bad.

I think you'd regret not scratching the itch. If she apologises, that's closure hopefully, if she doesn't or says something hurtful it confirms she's not a nice person. You aren't a vulnerable child anymore, so you can most probably deal with with it rationally.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

The best form of revenge is to br happy and successful

Three of my bullies are now dead (drugs, cancer, suicide) (I'm 49 btw). At least two more are or have been in prison, and several have unhappy lives.
The bully who committed suicide was an employee of a Premier league club and his wife said that he was bullied to death by another employee of the club (it was quite a big story for a while).
I have accepted a friend request from one bully, simply because I can show them I've had a better life than them. No interaction though (and lets be honest, facebook is full of ai these days).

@99999xx I was bullied. The main bully was a girl from Lebanon whose father regularly beat her up. We used to be friends and I went with her to SS to seek help. Nothing was done because the whole family denied it. She denied it as well because she was afraid. Finally she turned on me saying that I was the one who had forced her and started to tell lies about me in school. She physically attacked me twice and said that next time she was bringing in a knife.

I called her father and told him she was in a sexual relationship with a boy. This was true but still... the father made her move to Lebanon and that was the last I heard about her. We were 14 years old and I still feel guilty about this. I didn't see any other way out because she had so many people backing her up in school that they denied my version of the attacks. I was afraid for my life. But still. I wish I had found another way to protect myself because I know she was just directing all her anger and hurt at me who had naively thought that once SS involved they would save her- my mum even said she was welcome to stay with us...

I'm pretty sure that the twins who bullied me died young because they were so obviously going to go down that path as soon as they could, as they thought they were incredibly cool and that the drugs culture was cool. I wouldn't wish an early death on anyone, but given there was fuck all I could do to stop it and they were SO nasty, I must admit that I couldn't help feeling there was a degree of karma involved.

It can really twist your head if you keep letting the bully win by occupying your thoughts all the time. I finally learnt to let go a couple of years ago and it has been so freeing.

I would have never confronted or messaged my bully as he was in the paper for beating another man with a pipe so obviously not reasonable or stable even! I doubt he would even recognise or talk to me even if he knew it was me.

Same here. Really hope they are dead.