Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

Obviously missed the bit where I said older siblings

🤣

Acquaintances, not necessarily close friends but still actual people I know of

😂😂😂 yes on a Sunday night

The operative word is ‘offered’ not accepted and an hour away is relatively local compared to where I live now

If you don't know them well, then perhaps their complaints are entirely justified?

You’re fantastic for doing this and if it were the same with my GC then I would do the same and so would have my parents. GP ideally shouldn’t be put in that position. If they have a huge level and involvement and that’s what they wanted then that’s great but if the kids want to move to Australia then that’s fine too (Although seriously hoping my kids never move to Australia 😭)

As long as my child had everything they needed then I was happier to go hungry than take help offered but have people look down on me for it. However as a mother myself it would upset me more for my child to suffer rather than accept my help if they really needed.
In reflection though I do think when the mother is suffering and living under extreme stress it inevitably affects her child, right from the pregnancy even if she thinks she’s shielding them from that, so I think now I would of possibly done things differently to make things easier for myself, possibly even taken the housing officers advice. It has made me think in my professional work too how important it is that help designed to improve outcomes for people doesn’t come with a stigma/ has the person receiving it in any way feel bad about accepting it

I think you should reflect upon that last sentence and how it relates to the premise of this thread.

Anyway I’ll be signing off now as I’ve got my beautiful family to care for and much as I like a good discussion I do really have mountains of washing up to do, kids to get to bed and bed time stories to read, PE kits and nursery bags to pack, household admin to do tonight etc and I’ll feel slightly bad not getting on with that while DH is out busy working hard tonight.
Thank you to everyone who has posted, it’s been a great discussion

Do you not think though that we are massively generalising because we have so much media now that compels us to do so.
I imagine there has always been a mix of entitled parents, hands off grandparents and very involved grandparents. We just hear the more extreme opinions now, but where is the evidence that things have changed?
Fwiw, my "silent generation" nan got me ready for school many mornings, had me every day for every holiday, and babysat. And she wasn't a relatively young nan either (she was born in the early 1920s and I was born in the 80s). I don't know that my "boomer" parents truly realised how lucky they were (they definitely err on the side of hands off grandparenting where they can 😂), but it definitely helped my mum's career to skyrocket when she was ready.

I couldn’t possibly leave without replying to you, no you haven’t nailed anything. There’s a difference between when help would hugely help someone not to suffer and help
that lifts them beyond a modest lifestyle and makes them feel like the centre of the universe, by all means if a GP wants to do the former go ahead but they shouldn’t feel obliged. I.e. I love treating my hardworking adult DC out to lunch occasionally but if I didn’t that wouldn’t be any reason for them to complain about me

I had my eldest in the early 90s when I was 17. Yes, there was a stigma. I felt duty-bound like OP to provide for myself and my child because I wanted to prove the naysayers wrong, who believed that I was scum who had come out of care, got myself into trouble and would expect everyone else to bail me out (not that my DM could have afforded to help me financially and given that she was a psychotic alcoholic i wouldn’t have accepted any offers of childcare either).

I think OP is getting a lot of stick and people should acknowledge the difference between ’accept’ and expect. They are not the same thing.

🤣 I’ve learned to multi task well over the last 30 years and to be honest they don’t really notice the washing up until the last plate and mug is gone, better get on before they notice 😉

Thank you 🥰

I am that Boomer parent and will also work till I drop as was left by my (D?) H to raise them alone and we had nothing. Nothing. And I never really recovered. It’s refreshing to see someone acknowledge that not all Boomers are wealthy.