Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

But you said they offered loads of help with your younger kids because you were local.

I’m not saying the small number who talk on the issue are bitching nastily about their parents/in laws (and by all means the vast majority of them are very complimentary about their parents, even those who are not significantly involved) but indicating some resentment for the level of involvement to identify this as an undertone of entitlement among a significant small minority of the population

Offered and declined and they lived an hour away not 3. I’m not going to shut the door in their faces when we both enjoyed a visit either

I made sure they had what they needed, although if I had realised that accepting any kind of help at all meant I should be indentured as a GP in servitude to my adult DC and GC when the time came I would of refused everything, obviously with the caveat to my lovely parents that this was nothing against them. As I say I would absolutely want to help my DC if they needed it and even if they don’t absolutely need it if I’m in a position of having more time and money it would no doubt be a pleasure to help my other DC if they ever have children and I hope they stay local so I can

Can you specify that loads of help?

My parents and parents in law pretty much had nothing to do with my kids. I can count on one hand the amount of nights they spent with them. Didn’t really bother me as I had the kids and I’m their mum.

I have my granddaughter 3 nights/4 days a week (Minimum) but there are reasons for that. I wanted to be an involved GP (I didn’t gave that) but not THIS involved. I do it because I adore my GD and she needs me, I obviously wish that I didn’t need to but I do.

if her parents were capable then I wouldn’t be doing it.

Technically I'm a millennial. Zero help from one side as over 200 miles away, and zero expectations of help from the ones on our doorstep either. We have regular visits with them as a family but that's it.

She was equally as young but married and several children, without even a washing machine or any friends or family support, she absolutely did have a harder life. My life was easier than hers even back then and my adult DC with a child have a life much easier than mine was. If she’d of had family support it would of been very different but an isolated young mother with very little money back then wasn’t fun, there were additional pressures such as you were expected to keep your house absolutely spotless on top of coping with caring for small children without the modern conveniences or resources that were even common when I had my first. Perhaps worth watching Cathy come home to people who have no idea of how much harder life was back then if you were a poor young mother without family support

Pretty much. There is a court order involved but we do ‘parent’ very well together and I have her more than the court order states. GD biological mother isn’t involved at all and hasn’t been for almost 2 years so I’m the ‘mother’ figure in her life. I’ve been the only constant in her life and my home is the only constant home that she’s known since 2 weeks old.

Early 70s and by the way Cathy come home was first aired in 1966

Just a shit mother and abused father. He escaped and then she wasn’t bothered about GD. She only wanted her to control him.

I adore GD and she is happy with the arrangement (at the moment). When she’s older she can choose where to go but she’s still a baby (to me) and needs me to advocate for her. My son is an adult and while I tried to help him to escape, he’s an adult and makes adult decisions. GD is an innocent in all of this and deserves the world.

This. Also the parents of the grandparents seem to have done a terrible job raising put upon doormats who can't speak up for themselves or put their foot down and let their kids take advantage of them.