Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

I didn’t get a council house because I didn’t want to lie to get one and hardly got anything in benefits as you virtually got nothing if you were working back then. I declined help from my parents beyond the odd gesture as I didn’t want to be seen as putting them in that position of needing to give me help. When tax credits came in yes I did get more help but then so did 90% of families at that time as the country was quite wealthy. I have no problem people getting regular help from their GP if they on not feeling like they are entitled to it, obviously if any of my DC had exceptional circumstances e.g disability, widowhood etc I would absolutely hope they would feel I would 100% be there for them but otherwise it would be a pleasure to help if I can but I’m entitled to my own life too

When did I happily accept support????? I’m actually fine with young people accepting support. It not people slagging the GP off for not providing that support ( except in exceptional cases/emergencies ) or showing ‘enough’ interest in the GC

That article seems very err 'instructional' to me. What gives the writer the belief that they know best I wonder?

What's so funny is it ends with don't put pressure on yourself! Ha! After 1000 words of telling you all the things you must and must not do. Yeah thanks oh wise one😅

You've literally spoken about the support your parents gave you. It cant be fine for you, yet problematic for everyone else.

You had to say your parents had insisted that you leave and provide a letter from them as evidence, the housing officer even told me that, basically so they could tick the box to make you eligible for housing as you wouldn’t meet the criteria if you had somewhere to live already. I remember bursting into tears crying that I couldn’t do that. The housing officer was quite perplexed as apparently everyone else did it with no qualms and said basically there really wasn’t any option unless staying at home. Like said earlier, in those days it was very difficult to work as a single parent until children at school unless family helping with childcare or well paying job. Some people had friends who were on benefits at home babysit while they worked for cash in hand, obviously they were willing to take a much lower rate than a childminder or nursery as that was literally only option for them to work/earn extra money while looking after their own children. All that changed massively when tax credits came in

I didn’t decline all that support from my parents and suffer all that hardship for you to tell me that I had loads of support???

Catering then admin

Like I said earlier, they see me as different as I’m as maxed out as them with my own young children and work etc so they don’t see it as the same

No I declined the support thank you very much, not that I should feel guilty if I had accepted support offered to me or anyone else should. What you are missing is my point that GP shouldn’t feel obliged to offer that support unless it’s something that is absolutely needed or they are wanting to do. Adult DC shouldn’t be emotionally blackmailing parents into providing support, unless you are actually wanting to argue against either or those 2 points then your rantings are irrelevant to the thread

I think you need to reread what you've said about the things your parents paid for and the practical support they gave you.
Not to minimise how well did yourself, but just because I think you are rewriting history to make yourself feel better for not being their for your DD and DGC.
And I am just pointing out that you don't understand it from the other perspective, because you have never even had to ask. It's always been on offer. Your DD may well feel differently. Don't judge what you don't know.

Yes exactly, it comes across as as written by someone who thinks grandparents main role in life is to serve their adult DC and GC unless ill health makes them too infirm, if you replaced neighbour helping you out for free with the GP in the article you would think ‘what a cheek!!’ the parents haven’t even sorted out the kids uniforms, written down their routine etc, expect all their own rules to be followed etc

What did they pay for and practical support did I accept above and beyond what I have done for my adult DC and the GC whose circumstances are 100x easier than mine were

You’ve totally missed the bit where I’ve said I had £30 left after rent and childcare for all our clothes, food, electric etc, which is why I couldn’t even afford a TV licence let alone a cooker or a fridge on finance

Why wouldn’t they, we’ve got children the same age, they see me juggling my toddler and doing the school run, working etc the same as them, if they’re exhausted why would they think I’m magically not?

I had moved away to a cheaper area and you can’t force help on people