Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

Good God ! - The Op has made such a valid point re the 'Boomers' NOT all living in some money soaked world. In fact i would say that back then and we were taught if you wanted something you saved and you saved (Not put it all on credit cards and think that nails and tattoos and the latest mobile are the essentials of life!) A lot of houses didn't have washing machines - people used laundrettes! 🙄

There is a difference between being a childminder, and having time to spend with your grandchildren.

looking after your grandchildren for 2/3 days a week becomes a job.

having a grandchild for a day or an afternoon adhoc is not a job

I'm not sure this is really true though. Plenty of households had stuff "on the tick", when I was growing up there were rental shops on every high street. Radio Rentals that became Brighthouse I believe. Hundreds of shops throughout the country just for renting furniture, appliances and electronics.

So you keep saying...

But where’s the article op?

Luckily, we can say no. I would and did. 👍

It’s very true life in the past has been hard for many. I don’t see how that relates to millennials and Gen Z parents having entitled expectations of grandparents though? Where is the proof of that beyond this one article?

90% of UK households have a washing machine today. That's why launderettes exist! That's 1 in 10 households with no washing machine in 2026.

Yes I just noticed one of those automated outdoor laundrettes pop up near us

I’ve given the title of article and paper it was in, just google it

Already had someone say they thought me visiting my grandchildren who live 3 hours away 3-4 times a year, happily having them here when they come to visit and phone calls etc was ‘minimal involvement’ yet that was a similar level of involvement I had with my GP and didn’t consider it minimal at all, we were both very much in each others thoughts and when we did meet up it was extra special. They lived quite far away, obviously if they had lived around the corner you would naturally see them more. Grandparents aren’t duty bound to be a defacto 3rd parent, if that’s what works for that family, maybe GP wanting another crack at being involved in raising children and parents really wanting the help than go for it but they shouldn’t be made to feel like they’re not good GP if their world doesn’t revolve around the GC

I had £30 for all food, nappies etc, no sofa, no cooker, no tumble drier for the first 6 months, thank goodness I did have a washing machine, we didn’t even have a TV as I couldn’t afford the licence, all my money went in rent and childcare, I visit young families all the time and I have not seen any of them live in that level of poverty

That seems like normal involvement to me (and is far more than my parents have had with my kids. My kids don’t recognise my parents in photos or know who they are)

You say your own children have not made any demands of you to be more involved though.

Good, I think there does need to be a push back from GP with these expectations, (again where it works for both parties or a little help makes a massive difference to your DC family and you’re really wanting to help as most of us would then that’s different) but DC slagging off GP, alienating the GC and going. No/low contact for not meeting silly expectations isn’t on and the more GP that get emotionally blackmailed the worse it is for other GP. They should not be treated like a non resident father who doesn’t see his children enough. No GP should be providing childcare when they absolutely don’t want to when the DC are affording family holidays, the latest phones etc

My in laws live abroad, 8 hours door to door and we see them more than 3-4 times a year.

There was a huge stigma to using such places, you’ve got to remember the consequences of debt, workhouses etc ( not just an unpleasant jaunt but where your baby had a high risk of dying due to to disease and poor nutrition if your family was unlucky enough to be admitted was within living memory of the older relatives) top up benefits were nothing like what they are today (I say that through lived experience, I thought I was a millionaire when tax credits were bought in around 2001 as they were amazingly more generous than the previous system) In the 1970/80s they were even less generous. People generally went without if they couldn’t afford something, my GP would buy me a nice coat and then my mum would give it to one of my less well off school friends when I’d grown out of it, a child who literally wouldn’t have had a decent coat if she hadn’t, there wasn’t any market place/freecycle in those days, yes charity shops but you would be pot luck to go in and find a coat for your child in their size, cheap fashion didn’t exist

There might well have been stigma. But they existed so therefore it is absolutely not true to say "boomers saved for everything" and went without if they couldn't afford something. Both things cannot be true.

So are they also raising young children, working and have to decide between things like treats for their own children, swimming lessons etc and paying the cost of travelling to see you, everyone’s circumstances are different and to imply GP have a duty to be more involved basically says they should make it their priority, why?? Yes I do feel sad for parents who say their parents show no interest in the GC but that’s very different to going to visit them a few times a year, hosting them, buying birthday and Christmas presents, ringing them on special days etc

The equivalent I can give you is we all know people who are on minimum wage in an agency job and buy brand new cars they’re bought on credit and yet the next year it’s not unusual they have an IVA/ go through bankruptcy, so in 30 years time you say it was easy for anyone to buy a brand new car in 2026. Although the difference today is there is a much better welfare state so the.safety net for people is much better so they can afford to make mistakes, for many people it would of been foolhardy to use such places back then

Just like some people enjoy helping out with the local scout group, running, cooking etc, everyone and their circumstances are different. As a parent you do have a duty to be significantly involved in your child’s life, obviously, no one else had the responsibility to do so, so if you don’t the child inevitably suffers. However thay moral duty shouldn’t extend to other relatives beyond helping in emergencies and showing some interest around the GC just like you would do if a baby said hello in a supermarket, it wouldn’t be nice to ignore them