Would you invite adult children on holiday if they contributed nothing?

[Kittkats]

I’m just home from holiday with DH and 4DC. 2 DC are early teens. Eldest DS is 21. DD is 19 and at uni.
For the rest of us, this was our only holiday this year. It was DD’s 6th: she has (had) £30k in a government child trust fund and has used £10k so far for uni living costs and holidays with friends. She doesn’t work.
DD brought no money on holiday. DS1 bought the occasional ice cream etc, and mentioned he’d have brought more but had just lent Dd £550 for rent.
DH is really annoyed and doesn’t want the eldest two to come on holiday with us again. For reference, DH is recently disabled and still contributed £600 towards the holiday, despite not earning.
im torn: I love family holidays, and enjoy all the DC’s company, but it has been stressful watching pennies on holiday, not helped by DD requesting jet skiing etc at £90 for 20 minutes (I said no!). We aren’t in a position to easily afford holidays without cutting back elsewhere eg food shop- this holiday was saved for with cheaper meals and overtime shifts!
what would anyone else do in my position?

It’s not weird at all. Why? I’d rather do this and have a good time spending that money on them now than leave it in the bank and them get it as a bit extra when I’m dead.

I also used to pay for my mum to join us on holiday when she was alive. We would holiday once every 3 years, could not get time off work or coordinate schedules with DH work otherwise. Mum lived a flight away so not easy to catch up. Was that babying her as well? I valued seeing her so was happy to pay for her as well. In the future, if I was in the same situation with my kids then I’d hope they would pay for DH and I if they asked us to join in with them and their family and I wouldn’t see it as them babying us🤷‍♀️.

In my opinion, if you invite people on holiday, to a party, for dinner, anything, you are expected to cover all costs. Buying ice-cream I would see as a polite thank you gesture.

Whilst my children are in education I would also not expect them to have sufficient funds for it anyway.

I totally get you love having your kids with you on holiday, so maybe next time sit them down and explain that you can't fund them forever, especially given your recent situation, so to make it fair you will pay for them to go up until 22, that way each child gets the same number of paid holidays.

After that, you would love them still to come, but they would need to contribute, and maybe you go somewhere a bit cheaper.

I hope that helps x

I would generally pay for a holiday with my children and grandchildren. It is a way of sharing family wealth.

Allow for age and income.

We’re away with 18&21 year olds right now.
Neither are earning so we pay for everything except the odd extra thing they want (grab bikes, nights out without us souvenirs for boy/ girlfriends)
A good compromise can be getting them to cook for you (if self catering) so they make an effort but spend little while taking pressure off you?
Once they’re earning I’d expect them to start contributing more

They'll be back when the kids 50 and still living in the basement 😂😂😂😂

Currently in this situation. My partner’s 20 year olds who both work and my 13 year old. All paid for but it was made clear that they would be expected to contribute. Took until day 11 to see a contribution from either and a bit of reining in regarding ordering! Think this will be the last year of family holidays

The difference here is that your dd has moved out and is living independently. Of course she should pay for her holiday. She isn’t still living at home. This make a huge difference.

Even if my dc had moved out id still pay for them

Wow at owning a house at 19 now!

You do realise working full time and owning a house at 19 is absolutely no longer the norm at that age.
Also, even if mine could afford to pay themselves, I’d still prefer to pay a chunk for them. If you can afford it then what’s the issue with still treating your kids?

Stopped inviting my adult DSD. 21 years old. We camp, we have our own van. No contribution financially to camping which is fine but sheer laziness and messiness in a confined camper van space unacceptable.
Tried again, got DSD and her boyfriend their own caravan for the weekend while we stayed in the van. He was happy and willing to help and pay his own way. DSD not so. If we cook for example I expect her to help with washing up. If we went in a shop she’d be putting drinks and snacks in our basket and expect us to pay. She no longer gets asked to come.

Mortgaged obviously and we are lucky to live in a cheap area

I think that depends on what part of the country you live in

I would absolutely expect them to contribute what they could afford, and not to take the piss if I was paying for things because I'm not made of money.

And maybe they had the youngest 2 before DH was disabled, OP does say he is recently disabled

Honestly, I wouldn’t invite the elder two next time unless they paid their way. Just be honest and say circumstances have changed and you can’t afford to fund it all.