Would you invite adult children on holiday if they contributed nothing?

[Kittkats]

I’m just home from holiday with DH and 4DC. 2 DC are early teens. Eldest DS is 21. DD is 19 and at uni.
For the rest of us, this was our only holiday this year. It was DD’s 6th: she has (had) £30k in a government child trust fund and has used £10k so far for uni living costs and holidays with friends. She doesn’t work.
DD brought no money on holiday. DS1 bought the occasional ice cream etc, and mentioned he’d have brought more but had just lent Dd £550 for rent.
DH is really annoyed and doesn’t want the eldest two to come on holiday with us again. For reference, DH is recently disabled and still contributed £600 towards the holiday, despite not earning.
im torn: I love family holidays, and enjoy all the DC’s company, but it has been stressful watching pennies on holiday, not helped by DD requesting jet skiing etc at £90 for 20 minutes (I said no!). We aren’t in a position to easily afford holidays without cutting back elsewhere eg food shop- this holiday was saved for with cheaper meals and overtime shifts!
what would anyone else do in my position?

How does a holiday for 6 adults/people cost only £2300? What type of accommodation was it? Did this include flights for all?

I'd had enough of going on family holidays aged 16! I was in my late 30s before I went on holiday with my mother again 🤣

That is a really shitty way to treat your kids, of course they wanted to stay at their existing school

Yeah you did! If you really did this, what a bitch.

Yes, if I wanted them on holiday with me and I’d pay for them too, except for any incidental spending money. If they didn’t bring spending money, they wouldn’t get stuff they wanted though, like drinks on a night out without the rest of us. But they would be fed and could come along on days out with us. I wouldn’t expect a 19/21 year old to be fully financially independent. I wasn’t at that age 30 years ago and I wouldn’t expect it now.

That was probably what was needed - and warning DS not to lend money either.

It does seem discussion was had prior to trip and expecations laid out - which she then tried to ignore and get OP to pay for.

We enjoyed rest trip with our DC - Uk hoilday as most of our are - lots of free things they occaionally bought a drink or food but bulk was us which was fine becuase there wasn't the huge entitelment OP DD seems to have - they were a 20 and 19 when we went.

Either you do not take her again or do something where there are fewer paid for activities - lot of free stuff to do.

So you did have the pre trip conversation and they (or DD) ignored you. I would have been pissed off.

You cannot compare what others do, you have to look at your own circumstances. It sounds like DD was taking advantage - we would all like to have six trips a year. She is going to get a shock when she leaves full time education.

Next time have the pre trip convo, tell DD that what she did in 2026 cannot be repeated because you don’t have enough to cover all 4 treats. Give her the opportunity to not come. At the same time the younger ones need the opportunity to earn some pocket money that they can take for ice creams.

Family holidays are lovely but there have to be some rules to protect your purse.

All the people on this thread paying for everything on holiday for their working adult kids is just embarrassing. It's like you're buying their company and affection.

Why does it bother you ?
If the DPs have more disposable income than their adult DCs why shouldn’t they use it for everyone to have a good time together?
The alternative is going somewhere cheaper and possibly less night, or spending less time with each other. I was taught in my family that money flows down the way through generations - obviously if you can’t afford it, that’s different.

I've never known someone to admit so proudly to having played mind games on their kids! How manipulative.

I'd pay whilst they were still in education. Once they finish uni they pay for themselves.

If your DC are struggling to pay their mortgage and you have excess income why wouldn't you want to pay for your DC and DGC?

Ours are not working they were still at uni - even next year eldest will be saving this year to continue studying next year post graduade qualification so more of a grey area.

TBH though I'm pleased the kids want to come away with us - DH went with his parents till he started proper job after his PhD and propertly moved out of their house.

I remember my Dmum telling me at 17 I wasn't coming on the family hoilday - parenst and younger sister - I could work those weeks which I did - and later when I was home from uni at 19 saying similar -- they didn't go every year- and Dad having a massive go that a task mum had told me not to bother with I hadn't done. Didn't feel great TBH - that and push for me not to come back after uni bar a few weeks before could move down to the new job when I got the sofa bed in living room. Now she moans Uni made me not want to come home.

Come on, be fair - compared to what we read on here, manipulativeness-wise, this is literally nothing.

Bitter, much?

@TheCabbageMerchant , OP's paying for 4 DC, 2 of which are adults. Only the OP and DS1 are earning.
It's one thing paying for their holiday but the DD1 demanding things as if she was a child is embarrassing.

Where did the trust fund money originate from?

Will the other DC be getting money when they hit 18. I know the Trust Fund may not have existed when they were born but have you put away a similar amount of money?

I’d be fine inviting them and paying for them. If I couldn’t afford it I’d tell them that.

Yeah, how dare people want to treat their kids 🙄

OP doesnt sound like she is even in a position to do this for her eldest DC. I would speak to the eldest and just put a stop to it now. You cant afford it.

I think the issue is that you didn't outline this before the holiday. I would have expected a group chat saying..hey planning on a trip to X , it'll cost x each. Let me know by this date if you want to come and send me the cost over. If they thought it was a free holiday, then they aren't to know any better. Is this something that they have been brought up to expect ? When we are on holiday my children pay for their own treats (7 year old. The 2 year old doesn't but does have a bank account) So she can have any ice cream etc that she wants but she knows she pays for it from her saved up pocket money. She has a Monzo card and absolutely loves having the freedom of that decision making and choice. Maybe this is something that they missed out on at a younger age ?

Yeah the last one we paid for everything. We always do. DS tried to pay us for dinners and stuff and we just refunded him back after the holiday.

Put the older ones in the picture especially the one with 30 grand in a trust fund ffs.
They're young adults they need to start acting like it not be on the take .
How will they learn dont blame your hubby for being pissed off.

My dad expected me to pay my own way as soon as I left home (aged 19).

Accommodation would have been split 3 ways (mum, dad, me). Ditto food and travel costs.

As much as I sort of understood his reasoning (adults stand on their own two feet), it made me feel like shit; less worthy, less loved when I heard about friends being taken on or given lovely holidays.