Dd17 just attacked me…

[Totalmayhem]

Caught dd17 lying (again) this morning and told her that as a result I wasn’t going to take her for the hair cut we’d booked in. The result was her throwing a screaming fit and deciding to ‘runaway’. I followed behind her at a distance as we live very rurally and she was in a state so I was concerned. When she realised I was following she turned and attacked me - blows mainly to my body and verbal threats as to how was going to go for my face next. I stayed calm asking her to stop and asked her to come home to calm down. She kicked her sliders off in the kerfuffle and eventually came home (I assume not want to walk the very shitty roads barefoot). She stormed to her room and broke the door handle slamming it (it’s old and been dodgy for a while) so now can’t get out. I’m sitting outside her door so when she does want to emerge we can try fix it. But for now I’m
just sitting shell shocked. Dh had to pull her off me at one point. WTAF. I know she’s worried about going back to school - there’s loads of work she’s meant to have done but hasn’t. We’ve really been trying to support her but she just tells us to leave her alone or lies to say it’s done. She’s lonely I know - she makes friends easily but looses them fast. Where the hell do I go from here?!!

Honestly some of ghe parenting on here is laughable. This is why your kids don't go to school and do fuck all in the house. Won't even wash.

I hope things at home are calm this morning @Totalmayhem .

But you don't know she's autistic.

OP i hope you're ok. I really feel for you. As a mum of a dd (who is diagnosed and older than your dd but still waiting for meds) I totally get how difficult it is to parent. Luckily my dd has never been physically violent but my god the things she says/yells when disregulated are awful and have brought me to my knees many a time. Doesn't stop you loving them does it? You just have to get through life with them and support all you can to help them navigate life. It's really, really hard.
I would strongly advise you get her assessed and definitely stop following her during a meltdown. I wish you the best of luck.
PS for people saying call the Police/kick them out....that just tells me you've never parented a non compliant ND child and have no idea. My sister used to say similar things when my dd was much younger. 'Tell her she's grounded' or 'take her phone off her' ...it doesn't bloody work!

Hence the word if.

OP, I hope things have calmed down somewhat today.

I have asked, along with others, what her father does when she starts. Does he take a back seat and leave you and her siblings to cope?
I wonder, because growing up, my sister attacked my own mum a couple of times...from the age of 15 to 17, she was a nightmare to live with. I left home when I was barely 17 to escape, and thankfully she met a lad and married when she was 18, so my mum was left in peace.

We had no father in the picture, and the few people who knew of her behaviour all thought that the lack of a male presence made her worse.

I remember being terrifed when DD1 stormed out - I think she was 15 and GCSE. She came back calmer. She was like that as a toddler if you tried anything before she calmed made it worse even hoovering.

A-levels were really tricky - though college suggested ASD couldn't get anywhere - so it was ignoreing stuff ie picking battles and clamping down on really bad behavior and giving space.

She got into uni and wanted to be off which felt like a slap in the face- and first summer back was tense but she grown up since and is now home long term. Also uni did get her down disagosistic route turned out not ASD but ADHD- dyslexia and dyspraxia.

No hitting - assult is allowable whatever is going on with her. Beyond that you may need to step back and that's hard to do when all you want to do is offer support.

I'm now in similar position with another child though behavior not yet as bad and another child making lifer harder on themsleves becuase leaving everything to last minute - DH thinks I need to step back and let that one learn the hard way and i think he has a point - if I step up too much they'll not learn to think things through.

I would not have sat outside her door - she could have come to me when calm - and found her own way out the room - or waited and shouted or phoned. You need to take that step back and not escalate and it is hard.

Yes. Certainly not for attacking anyone, let alone my mother!

They probably were. Either way, neither of them were getting attacked by me and would have not held back if I ever even thought of doing so. They weren't getting beat up in their own house.

What was the lie she was caught out with? Seems the violent outburst has made that disappear… maybe the original plan?

Who do you think other prisoners will give a harder time in prison? Me, who was in on a firearms charge, or someone who beat up their mum?

Even criminals have a moral code.

Yes , i asked this bit the op didn't answer. She previously said that her dd had lied go her about completing school work. I dont see that the op should be getting involved in that!

’Caught DD lying again.’

What did she lie about? Did it really warrant you cancelling her hair appointment over?

I’m NOT blaming you at all, and totally understand, but if she’s got low self esteem, that wouldn’t be helping her.

I agree - so much victim blaming going on. Violence is never ok and this attack should have been reported to the police. This girl is a nasty thug who injured her mother.

She previously said that her dd had lied go her about completing school work. I dont see that the op should be getting involved in that!

I didn't at that age they got reminded it needed doing and then left it to them.

If the violence continutes or gets worse then of course the police should be called but the fall out from that act would likely be extreme as well and may not make things better for OP or her DD.

I do think she needs sitting down with adults in house and making it very clear the hitting was unacceptable and trying to find a way forward for everyone.