Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Yes and? I’m not bloody paying for them. He works part time because it suits him. He went part time a few years ago because I was working my arse off in two jobs, so the deal was he would do the lions share of the housework. He doesn’t!!! I’m sick of paying for everything and doing everything. Even when he ever does take DD out I need to pay for his train fare! He’s living like a cock womble. Our finances aren’t shared because if they were we would never have anything nice.

I agree OP must talk to her DH but I think this would be better with time bs space once they are home.

OP, if you’ve had enough of this marriage, then do start the divorce proceedings.

Do you think there is any coming back from all of this?

Travel sickness tablets don’t work for everyone and they cause side effects so why should she when she can just sit in the front? Why is it such a hardship for him to sit in the back?

Most dads I know would just be happy to be spending time with their daughter family. Very sad that’s he’s been so awful.

He sounds depressed, but also doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it. I could not live with someone so seriously lacking in joie de vivre and motivation. Think about what you’re modeling to your daughter about relationships and what you’re teaching her to tolerate. Personally I’d rather have 1/2 the net worth and live alone in a more joyful way than live with a misery.

From the post you can see your dd loves to play music in the car, loves to pop into shops, and I am positive the restaurant choice was dd's too? I don't see what your dh likes to do, or you like to do? If you take a 19-y.o. with you, you decide (your dh and you) what you want to do, what will make you happy, and she will have to go with it. Also, what does it mean, she was 'mad when he told her he does not believe she has travel sickness'? Do you not have hierarchy in the family? I could not imagine ever having been 'mad at my parents' and I never allowed my dc even to entertain the idea of 'being mad at parents'. She could have said 'father, I am not lying and I am upset you think I am lying'. On second thoughts - did you husband even want to come on this holiday? Or did he want to have a teenager on that holiday? Maybe he just wanted to spend a little bit of time with you, just grown-ups? Doesn't your daughter have her own mates to go on holiday with?

Feel for you OP, just back from yet another holiday when I had to have words with DH about his grumpiness, again. It’s miserable. I was actually googling flights home the other night. He did buck up for the rest of the holiday though.

Could you go for a walk or drink with him and explain how he’s making you feel? Although tbh it doesn’t sound like he brings much to the table in any other area of life either.

@TheLizardQueen time to put an end to this nonsense. Plan to sell up and get your own place. If you ring fenced your deposit, even better.

I may have missed something but I don’t understand the issue. If you are the main breadwinner why can’t you leave? I’m not saying it’s easy or that you wouldn’t need to plan and save, but you can leave. Imagine how stuck you’d be if he was the main breadwinner.

He is sucking the joy out of everything.
He is not pulling his weight, financially or practically.
Please organise yourself, Speak with your daughter, then put the house on the market.
Lazy arse might have to go back & work full time when the gravy train ends.

I was married to one of these, and when DC came along he got much, much worse - he just couldn't cope with everything not revolving around him. Passive aggressive was on good days, on other days he was downright abusive.

Life is SO much better without him in it. Get yourself out of there OP!

Did he know in advance that there would be shops involved?

Was there nothing he could have done whilst you were in shops?

Travel sickness is the pits.

Hope she grows out of it.

I didn't until I was in my 30s & had had my first baby!

But you've said that you always take your daughter's side, so why would you be annoyed at your mil for doing the same thing.

You don't share a bedroom with your husband because he says you snore too loud, you don't want to share finances. There seems to be a lot of resentment and no one sounds happy and your daughter is stuck in the middle. Sounds as though you have both checked out of your marriage.

Probably because she’s older and can see more clearly how useless and mean her father is.

Why are you living like this? This isn't just about a holiday.

Just like to say here that nothing, absolutely nothing made my travel sickness better until I got older than DD currently is. My family went by car on holiday, me? On the train. Had to be in the front and still threw up every 30 miles. cars, coaches, sometimes trains, all boats. It's an awful thing to suffer from and nothing bands/tablets/brown paper made it better. Boats are often still a no no and I never sit in the back of cars voluntarily. Have a little compassion.

@HollyhocksandPeonsHave you actually read the thread?

Sorry, what was a joint decision? Previous holidays have been fine because he never had to leave the house because of our ddog and he was happy not to do so. This is the first holiday without ddog, he always used to say he “couldn’t” come because of ddog (and he doesn’t drive) so I thought things would be different without ddog. It’s not.

Sounds so much like my parents’ marriage, right down to my mother calling him Victor Meldrew. Turned out my dad was autistic which explained a lot in hindsight. They’ve both since passed away.

You deserve better.

Please stop all of the spending as soon as you get back home, reign Christmas spending right in. If you can trust your DD to keep a secret, tell her you are only buying her something very small for Christmas because you are saving to split up, but you will buy her something more once things are settled. If you don't want to put that on her, then don't obviously. But I'm just thinking it'll stop her being upset at not getting much this year.

Definitely though stop all the unnecessary spending and start planning out how to separate ASAP, you cannot live like this. Think of your future peace and happiness - you've never achieve it if you stay in this misery of a marriage.

Depressed?? He sounds like an arsehole more like.

I'd be reading him his fortune at this kind of behaviour.
And what kind of man doesn't even drive?
Sorry but he sounds like a total wet wipe.

A 19-year-old is an adult. I would hate to be part of a family with this kind of attitude, family members do have feelings towards each other and it’s fine to express those feelings, just not to sulk or be rude to/about them.

@HollyhocksandPeons she likes to come with us. She always sits downstairs with us too. I like her company. So while she wants to come why would I not welcome her? She’s been away on short breaks with her friends but she’s always glad to be back home. It’s just the way she is. She’ll fly the nest soon enough.