Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

You haven’t mentioned any positives or redeeming qualities. Lots of couples divorce in their 50s when dc uni age.

But strangely the DD “adores” him and has “always” loved holidays previous to this one

Someone I know never went on holiday with his family because he said "I like my own midden".

But you said the reason you could leave him was because you *don’t have savings? *

presumably he is also on the deeds of the home you bought with his parents?

This is no way to live

@TheLizardQueen

I'm telling you that a little flat on your own is paradise compared to a house, even a palace, with a man like that. My marriage ended for other reasons than yours will be, but having my own little place where I am truly the 'Queen of Everything' has been a revelation. I am happy and at peace.

First, get legal advice. You are the main breadwinner so in a way you're in the catbird seat. I'm assuming that you earn enough to support yourself whether in a flat or the current house. So, see a solicitor, find out what's what. Take a snapshot of your and his incomes and family finances; monthly costs, mortgage info, other debt, etc. With this info a solicitor can give you an idea of what to expect financially.

You only have 5 years left on your mortgage? Hallelujah! If you aren't able or don't want to buy him out then there should be a good amount of equity (split between you) to give you a fresh start.

He's not violent, so you have time to get your ducks in a row. In the meantime, grit your teeth, take a deep breath and start to carve out your own life until you can leave. Do things on your own, even if it's sitting in a park reading a book. Join a club, take a class, anything to get you out of the house on your own. If you can, get away by yourself. Is there family or friends you could go visit (alone) now and then, even for a weekend?

You have many many years left. You deserve to live them in happiness.

So he's a few years younger than you. Let me guess, he moved straight from his parents' home into yours? He swapped one mother figure for another, evidenced by him behaving like a stroppy teenager; sulking, squabbling with his daughter like she's his sibling and expecting you to do all the domestic drudgery, drive him everywhere and pay the bills! Did you want a second child or a husband?

Her manchild doesn't drive. He'd have to drop them off walking 😂

That sounds like a him problem. There are taxis and Ubers. Do his parents drive ? Can they drop him anywhere? You and your daughter go and have a nice time and he can figure his day out for himself, he’s a big boy. If he doesn’t like it, he can make his way home, train or bus.

Quite surprised at everyone telling you to do your own thing with DD! I’d take the bull by the horns, take him to a public place (to avoid a full blown argument) for a coffee or something and ask him what’s up with him! Pussyfootimg around or doing stuff that will just put oil on the flames is not going to change anything and could make things worse. Surely after so long together, myou have communication channels between you two. You and he are the couple here. Leave the rest of the family out of it. See what’s up and talk it through like adults. The fact that you two are going on family holidays rather than as a couple when your daughter is 19 beggars belief tbh! She’s old enough to go away with her mates rather than with you lot! Also you and him should be indulging yourselves and giving yourself quality time together as a couple… especially now your daughter is a grown up! Good luck!

He sounds like a miserable fucker and I’d be raging, OP. Time with your children is precious anyway and even more so as they get older and you might not see them all the time. I’d be having a very stern conversation when we get home. I’m so sorry your holiday has been spoiled.

From you reply's to other comments I'd say he's not than likely jealous of yours and daughters relationship if you do lots together it's pathetic but it happens...because men 🙄

Just come home and leave him. Find somewhere you and the kids can go.
My husband did that once and I said we're going home.
I gave him the riot act when we got back and said if he did it again there would be a for sale sign on the house if he dare to do it again.
Needless to say he's behaved since.
Me and the kids go on holiday without him now. They're young adults and it's so much better without him. We have had two great holidays without him. Don't feel sad. It's his problem.

No the OP went halves with his parents for the holiday home, not their regular house.

The miserable husband hasn’t come away a previously due to caring for elderly dog though as I understand it.
Op’s paid for a lovely cottage and hot tub. She’s clearly making most of opportunities to sightsee and eat out.
I’d be suggesting if he isn’t enjoying it he can go home and sit being miserable eating Greggs there.
Op could drop him off at station if she’s feeling generous.

My husband did exactly this, l then found out a year later that he had been missing his mistress!
Not saying this your situation, just mine, and my husband of 30 years was THE last man l expected to have an affair.

I don’t have savings tucked away. All of my extra money goes to savings go to holidays, birthdays, Christmas, car maintenance, house maintenance etc. He doesn’t even have enough for the monthly food bill. I don’t own a property with my in laws, but yes DH and I bought our home together (using a deposit from me when I sold my own flat)

If he contributes very little, it sounds like you wouldn’t be losing much if he left. What is the situation regarding your house?

Edit ti say I just saw your above update

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds awful - for all of you. How is your DD with travel sickness pills because they can be really effective. Mind you it sounds as though he’s behaving like a child, so…

What’s the reason for him not being able to drive? As others have said I would take your DD off and go and enjoy yourselves and leave the mother and son at home. You said he’s not like this at home because he doesn’t usually do anything with you guys - has he checked out of the relationship?

Practically when you are back get house valued. Check what mortgage outstanding. You may be able to afford something 2 bed if you sell matrimonial property and split proceeds 50/50.

You say he’s blissfully unaware that you are seething.
I just don’t understand why you hide the fact that you are so angry. Why on earth don’t you talk to him about it. Just the two of you. You sound so passive. what is that teaching your Dd?

It’s nothing to do with his parents.
And you shouldn’t draw your Dd in to your displeasure with him either.
It’s your relationship with him that has gone wrong, not theirs.

Confront him OP!
He’s got away with this immature behaviour for far too long.
You need to shake him out of his miserable old habits with some very straight talking and stern words.
He is stuck in his familiar comfort zone but it seems you are too. Let him know, for a change, that you are raging and thinking of leaving him.

If it was me, i'd pack up & tell passenger princess what time to be in the car for and go. If he isn't ready or doesn't want to come then so be it.

If funds allow i'd look at somewhere before you leave to book for a little short holiday for you and DD as you both don't deserve to not have a holiday.
Let your MIL baby her man child. Sick of reading about men ruining holidays with their sulky, moody tendencies.

So DH told your MIL you were going out with your DD.. ( sounds like he's not) and she decided to come along too... I thnik she maybe wants to chat about the atmosphere. As she's been backing his behaviour, I wouldn't.

I think you should leave early and get those ducks in a row... let his parents drive him home. ..

Oh and don't pay for any more holidays for him, or anything else.
Your DD is an adult... so whilst she may be upset, this holiday was probably an eye opener for her too... and she's off to get her qualifications.. so she won't be at home much anymore.

@Soberinthecity I don’t think he has but I think I have! I get very very travel sick myself, only because I’ve been the main driver for 25 years. I am ill if I’m in the back and still nauseous in the front even with travel sickness tablets. She’s tried them, along with the patch and also the band that goes around your wrist. She’s tried still gets sick but she’s better in the front. I understand this so I don’t want her to be sick on a journey. DH says she should suck it up and travel in the back with a sick bag.

This is awful. He sounds absolutely pointless and like he brings nothing to the table. Does he do anything round the house like maintenance/gardening/cleaning/cooking?

Do his parents know how useless he is?

Definitely start plans to leave when you get back. You only get one life - do you want to spend the rest of yours with him?