Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

In fairness my BIL is exactly like this and was eventually diagnosed with depression, and I mean exactly the same patterns of behaviour.

He made everyone's life a misery for years, but only when he finally opened up to my sis about having suicidal thoughts did he go to the GP and only because she made an appointment for him and made him go! He seemed better after a while, but I think part of that was because my sister made allowances for it (he can't help it 'he's depressed') and he enjoyed everyone pandering to his unreasonable moods .. but then after counselling and then marriage counselling she realised that yes, he may suffer from depression at times, but ultimately he is and always was a selfish bastard too, so she stopped all pandering.

Just like OPs husband, He knows he is being an arse, he knows he feels down and may be depressed, but would rather choose to make everyone else suffer instead of taking responsibility for his own mental health issues, he should ring the GP his bloody self though and get it sorted! Or if it's not depression, deal with whatever it is that is making him so unhappy, it is definitely not up to OP to solve his problem for him!

Yes I've already been told this! Need to improve comprehension skills stat 😊

Nothing like a week of forced togetherness to reveal the cracks the day to day routine papers over.
Your husband is an intolerant man who has arranged his everyday life to his liking. He no doubt does things his way, has time aplenty to do what he chooses, doesn't need to compromise or consider others, so has little need to reveal this distasteful side to himself.
You are in a long marriage with many ties, which probably ticks along functionally with the usual minimal contact you have. So you need to ask yourself, is that better for now than jumping ship with the risks and disadvantages that brings?
It may well be, but you do need to think it through with a clear head. Your holiday will be over soon and need not be repeated.
What would be the best option for your real life?

Hes bored and I would say already seeing someone else or at least intending to. My ex wife did this on my last holiday before we got divorced turns out she was seeing a security guard at work!! Trust your instincts and confront him be happy in life

I’m talking about our holiday home. We own a modest 3 bedroom house back home. Me and his parents went halves. I have lots of spending money because I saved. I am
comfortable but have no savings because I pay for everything. He doesn’t have to worry about Christmas or birthdays or days out because I save for them all. I do all of the housework shopping etc at home. He plays his PlayStation or watches sport. He’s not made to be the 3rd wheel at all. It’s like this because he never wants to do anything or go anywhere.

He sounds 15, not 50. So icky.

DD and I are going out for the day together. But DH mentioned it in front of everyone and now I think his mother wants to come (it’s just expected as she doesn’t drive either). He actually apologised to DD this morning but he’s speaking to me as if nothing is wrong. I’m blanking him as much as I can. Thank you all for listening and sharing your experiences. The more I think about it the more I realise he brings nothing to the relationship. I think I’d be much happier in a little flat of my own. His parents would definitely take him back!

I would leave him and his parents to it, book a small place for the remaining nights and pack yours and your DD stuff into the car and let him get the train home. Tell him you don't want to spend the rest of your holiday in moody sulky company. Of course his mother will take his side, she's the reason he's like he is more than likely.

He sounds like he brings nothing but misery to your set up. You don't have to tolerate this forever, it is a choice.

Make an appointment with a solicitor and find out what you could expect the picture to be if you divorced. Or, you accept that this is who he is and you're going to suck it up for the rest of your life. Your choice OP.

Thanks for your update.

Well, the ball is in your court. Take your time to think this through, and look at the finances and how a life in peace could be.

I do know it is better to be happy on your own rather than unhappy with someone. It is scary to achieve, but worth it in the long run.

I think this is a great idea!

Maybe his parents could take him back early, and save everyone a lot of trouble.

Comes with original box, never raced or rallied, one careful lady owner. Own games console and collection of juvenile games. I'm sure you'll be able to offload him onto someone!

There’s absolutely no way he’s seeing someone else he’s too lazy and never goes anywhere!! We work at the same place too, always have done. And yes I drive us to work and back home.

You’re not responsible for his mother either! Just say because of the moodiness you think it’s best that the two of you enjoy a day out together.. They can enjoy their day out just their little family!!!!

Oh god. This is suffocating. Your life could be so much better without this dead weight on you all the time.

Imagine being free of his moods and demands. And the laziness is just infuriating - how can a grown man be too lazy to learn to drive? And I’m pretty chilled myself and enjoy lots of down time but he would drive me crazy.

Jesus what a bloody man child! Why can’t he drive? That would be the biggest turn off for me even before everything else.

Would he respond to you if you told him to basically sort himself out or it’s the end of the marriage? Only asking because my DH went though a really grumpy and moody phase a few years ago and I called him out on it every time. I told him that his moods were having a negative impact on us all and if he didn’t sort them out (therapy or by getting a bloody grip) then I would be making plans to leave him. He did sort himself out and it did take several months but at least I have peace in the house.

He is an absolute dead weight OP. I don't know you but I really hope that you choose to free yourself sooner rather than later. A life of moan free drives to work, and peaceful holidays awaits.

I can only imagine he's got some hidden very redeeming feature that you haven't mentioned that outweighs all this?

Have you tried asking him, in a genuinely concerned way, on your own, when no one else is around what is wrong? You might be surprised by his answer! It sounds as though you haven't spent any time alone. Does he hate shopping? Maybe ask him if he would like to do be dropped off somewhere else and you'll pick him up later if he does. I'd rather do that and enjoy Mother and Daughter time than feel rushed and having a moody, miserable person waiting outside or in the car for me. He sounds very unhappy, maybe his Mum knows something and thats why she's sticking up for him?

@TheLizardQueen So sorry to hear this. Please say to him "it was obvious you did not want to come on this holiday, but now you are here you have no right to to wreck it for anyone else. You did not pay for it and we deserve our holiday. I will drive you to the nearest station tomorrow and you can go home (and take your parents with you if they do not think this is reasonable)."
Get home and divorce him miserable fucker that he is

Are you in a position to move to a hotel with your DD? Though places will be busy I know.
If he won't tell you why he is behaving like this, I would drop a word in his parents' ears about rethinking your marriage.
Then leave with DD and go home.

Leave him it’s abuse

If he didn't used to be like this then something has happened to make him change. If you both work together, travel to and from work together that sounds very claustrophobic. I think a lot of married couples would struggle with that. Maybe he wants to end things and is being deliberately horrible so that you do it. Is he different if just the two of you go away?

I’m finding it hard to understand what “side” MIL could take. Was she saying that he was OK being such a fun-sponge (new term to me but I think it sums it up). What of his behavior sounded acceptable to her????

This all sounds rather stifling.
This is just too much for two people who do not enjoy each other.

Does he try and ruin other nice events like birthdays and Christmas? I USED to be married to a bloke like this. He's still a miserable drainer with the kids when they're with him. Just urgh. Go off and do your own thing with your daughter. He can fester in his own misery