I am going to cancel my holiday - friends think I am silly.

[Willowcosmos]

I had the most wonderful friend since schooldays sadly she died suddenly. I saw her every week and I will miss her so much. Her elderly father has arranged the funeral - he did it in a rush without consulting her siblings and friends. It is right in the middle of the week I am on a solo coach trip to Portugal
I have made the decision to go to the funeral- I can’t bear the thought of not being there and I just wouldn’t enjoy the trip.
My other friends think I am crazy - they say I will lose all my money as insurance won’t cover it ( about £800) and that my friend would want me to go and that it’s just for a few hours and what’s the point …but I know it’s what I really want - I am not religious - I know my friend won’t know but just deep down - I want to be there -
I guess what most people will think but would anyone do the same.

I would not contemplate going on the holiday. 30 years ago I didn't come back to Ireland for my granny's funeral as I was in the first week of my first proper job abroad. To this day I regret that decision and think I made a very poor choice.
You sound like a wonderful friend OP and I am so sorry for your really sad loss. Mind yourself.

I think organising a funeral for one's child must be one of the hardest things ever. It's something we all desperately hope never to have to do. For that reason, I'd go to this funeral.

You do what is right for you.
Sorry for your loss.

Funerals are for the living.
It’s for you to say goodbye and to show support to the family, so yes, she won’t know but you will.
Also, there is no second chance of a funeral, so if it’s important to you, then
skip the holiday and what your other friends say.

You’re not being silly and you’re making the right decision. I too would do this for my best friend.

Funerals help process the loss. People telling you to go are people who either don't understand or process things differently. Being with other people who loved the person who died is incredibly comforting. The events is also often quite a bright spot in an otherwise dark time. I'm so sorry for your loss. X

I’m so sorry for your loss. Funerals are important for the process of mourning. It’s good to go if you feel it’s the right thing for you.

You’re not silly - this friend clearly meant a great deal to you. Going to the funeral is an important part of the grieving process and your friends shouldn’t judge you.

This. It might be the last time yiu see some of these people. Also you will find out so much more about her. No one knows the whole person. A funeral brings all of that together

I'm very sorry for the loss of your longtime friend. What a shock for you.

As you've said, you can always go on another holiday. You will never get another chance to go to the funeral.

And as your trip is a solo one, I assume you won't be disappointing anyone by not going.

Your friends sound a little lacking in empathy. You must do what feels right for you, and you sound very clear about what that is. If you decide not to go & regret it, you may also end up resenting your friends for changing your mind.

Do what you need at this difficult time x

You have to do what’s best for you. You’ll forever regret it if you don’t go. However, I bet she’d rather you went on holiday! Whatever feels right in your heart.. do it! Money is money… you’ll never get that time back.

Op, im so sorry that your friend has died.

If you feel its right for you to go the funeral, then you must go and it sounds like you have made your mind up to go.
You will feel resentful that people have talked you out of it in future.

Remember these are just people's opinions, they dont have any real life impact on you.

I'd make the same decision as you OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

I would do the same in your shoes,

sorry for your loss 💐

Or maybe they can move you to the same trip later on in the year?

I would go to the funeral but I would also speak to the travel company to see if you can defer to another trip later in the year or next year?

I can tell you that I wouldn’t want anyone I care about to cancel a holiday to attend my funeral.

However, you should do what you want, it’s your money.

i think if you were going long haul on an very expensive trip, like thousands of pounds. I would probably go and find some time and place on the day of the funeral to have a moment that was all about them. But for a shorter trip thats hundreds unless I was on a very low income for me whilst it would sting I could stand to lose it if I had to so I would cancel.

OP makes the choice what is best for them and ev1 else can butt out.

I wouldn't think twice. I would go to the funeral regardless of how expensive the holiday.
I couldn't be anywhere else.
I do not see funerals as religious. I see it as showing the person that they mattered.

Your friend, your grief, your choice.

Sorry for your loss.🌷

Can you attend remotely - many funeral
services are shared online now for people who can’t attend. Best of both worlds? I didn’t attend my beloved grandfather’s funeral as we were on holiday, with the blessings of my family who understood it didn’t reflect t my love and respect. I went to the later internment of ashes instead. Might that be an option for you?

Of course you are doing the right think, I would do the same

Yes I'd cancel the trip. The funeral will only happen once, money and holidays come around again.

I think you are making the right decision. I would readily 'lose' a few hundred pounds rather than miss a close friend's funeral.
A funeral is not just about saying a formal goodbye to the person and offering condolences to relatives, it is an important opportunity to talk about the person with others who knew them. It helps with the grieving process.

This is my position, too. Don't listen to anyone else and do what you need to do to grieve. If it were my best friend I would also be prioritising her funeral.

I wouldn’t discount the travel company being willing to move the date of your holiday though, for an admin fee, as they have done so in similar circumstances for people I know, so perhaps give them a call? Coach trips often happen weekly or repeatedly so they may be happy to bump you to another date, same with hotels. As they say, you don’t know unless you ask.