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Original poster

I am going to cancel my holiday - friends think I am silly.

180 replies

Willowcosmos · 29/07/2026 00:10

I had the most wonderful friend since schooldays sadly she died suddenly. I saw her every week and I will miss her so much. Her elderly father has arranged the funeral - he did it in a rush without consulting her siblings and friends. It is right in the middle of the week I am on a solo coach trip to Portugal
I have made the decision to go to the funeral- I can’t bear the thought of not being there and I just wouldn’t enjoy the trip.
My other friends think I am crazy - they say I will lose all my money as insurance won’t cover it ( about £800) and that my friend would want me to go and that it’s just for a few hours and what’s the point …but I know it’s what I really want - I am not religious - I know my friend won’t know but just deep down - I want to be there -
I guess what most people will think but would anyone do the same.

OP posts:
Sunloungerhogger · 29/07/2026 03:21

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. As others have said, you don’t need permission, but honestly I think I would feel the same, I couldn’t imagine not being there for my best oldest school friend.

Sunloungerhogger · 29/07/2026 03:24

Also, as people often say - funerals are for the living, ie to remember their loved one and celebrate their life, and connect with others who knew them and loved them - so it really is your choice.

summitfever · 29/07/2026 03:34

I lost my really close cousin last year and her funeral was on my holiday with dd (15) so I didn’t cancel as it also affected her. I had a day of mourning on holiday and my own little celebration of her life. It was honestly 100% less traumatic and im glad I did it.

SummerSummerSummertime · 29/07/2026 03:59

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Do what feels right. Sending hugs Xx

anon4net · 29/07/2026 04:02

I wouldn't miss a funeral in these circumstances. It's nice to be there for her elderly father too.

Don't let people live rent free in your brain. It was your friend, your friendship, your grief and your money.

I'm sorry for your loss @Willowcosmos

ThatCosy · 29/07/2026 04:06

There's nothing more comforting than seeing people going to effort as a mark of respect for someone who has died.

ClayPotaLot · 29/07/2026 04:24

I definitely have a couple of friends where I would prefer to lose the trip and attend the funeral. But don't think any worse of anyone who feels the opposite. It makes no difference to anyone else, OP. Just do what will make you feel more connected/at peace with yourself/etc.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 29/07/2026 04:28

Willowcosmos · 29/07/2026 00:32

Thank you everyone - you are right - I think I have already made my mind up - I can always go to Portugal again- but I will never be able to say my goodbye again - I feel it’s the last thing I can do for her.

You sound like a wonderful friend x

CariadDarling · 29/07/2026 04:36

I’m sorry you’ve lost your precious friend, and for what it’s worth I’d cancel the holiday for the funeral as well.

SixAndJuliet · 29/07/2026 04:56

When my mum died, her best friend of 50 years was not able to go to the funeral due to distance and old age. They probably hadn’t seen each other face to face for a couple of years for the same reasons but until my mum became too poorly, they had spoken daily on the phone and often several times a day.

Anyway, the crematorium created a live stream link that I could send to her so she could watch it. It meant a lot to her to feel part of it.

This doesn’t really affect you OP as you have made your decision which I completely understand and I would probably do the same. However, might be useful for others to know that there can sometimes be that option available.

HoppingPavlova · 29/07/2026 05:02

How long is the holiday? Any chance of going to funeral and back from the holiday?

Dentisttoday · 29/07/2026 06:07

Stop broadcasting everything to your friends. Make your own decisions without running it by multiple people first.

ajandjjmum · 29/07/2026 06:15

Very harsh - at a time like this for the OP, would it have hurt you to be kinder?

sohard · 29/07/2026 06:15

I would cancel the holiday too. You’re doing the right thing.

SummerPeonies2026 · 29/07/2026 06:19

I don’t think you will enjoy the holiday op. Can you email the travel company anyway, and tell them the circumstances. You never know they may give you the opportunity to move the holiday.

You sound so sad in your posts, saying goodbye properly is much more important than a mere holiday in my view. 💐

Dentisttoday · 29/07/2026 06:21

ajandjjmum · 29/07/2026 06:15

Very harsh - at a time like this for the OP, would it have hurt you to be kinder?

But it’s true.

These “friends” call the OP “silly” for wanting to attend the funeral of a close friend.

The OP needs to get new friends or stop confiding in these “friends” about her plans

Sleepytimepleaseee · 29/07/2026 06:21

Funerals aren't for the person who has died, they are for those left behind trying to cope. If it will help more than the holiday then definitely go. I would.

menopausequeen · 29/07/2026 06:22

Do what feels right (you’ve said attending).
I know I would cancel the holiday and attend. It would be important to me to do that last thing for her. But I also understand other views.
The main thing is that the decision sits right with you.
sorry for the loss of your friend

chirrupybird · 29/07/2026 06:22

You could have your special moment to remember her in Portugal, the trouble with funerals is the person you really want to see isn't there. Do what you want to but not being in a particular place doesn't mean you can't be close to your friend in those moments.

GentlemanJay · 29/07/2026 06:28

Sounds like you’ve been great friends. I understand the need to be there.

Manename · 29/07/2026 06:29

There isn’t a right answer. Do what is right for you. After maybe one question your friends should fully accept your decision and support you.
best wishes OP

Venice93 · 29/07/2026 06:32

I would go to the funeral. I lost one of my best friends a few years ago and going to her funeral was extremely important for me. Not for her -- she didn't care; but for her mum, her brother, her other friends, her children. I went to show them how much we were still a group of people who really loved and cared for her, and would love and care for each other in our own ways without her.

I also seriously contorted my life to go to one of my bestie's dad's funeral recently: again, he didn't care, but I have been close to the family since primary school and knew her mum, her sibs, other family friends ... the reason we have funerals at all is not for the person who died. I get not going if you are not part of the close circle, but if you are I think it's important to go if you can.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Happyhettie · 29/07/2026 06:33

Do what you feel is right.

It doesn’t matter if other friends think it’s silly, you have to do what you feel is the right thing.

I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been such a shock. Xx

Esperanza25 · 29/07/2026 06:41

I would go to the funeral. I’d want to be there for your friend’s elderly father as well as you’ve obviously known him for a very long time too.
It doesn't matter what your other friends think.

Forgotthebins · 29/07/2026 06:44

I can imagine there could be a lot of comfort for you remembering her with the other people who loved her. Do what feels right for you. 💐