Engagement rings - "classic" or not?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

I was talking to my husband tonight about engagement rings. He said that "most" women prefer the classic style of a solitare, or at least a solitare-like setting synonymous with a traditional engagement.
He said I was a (in a kindly teasing way) a "nightmare" as I insisted nothing would displease me more than a classic ring "similar to that of most other women" - hence why I chose my ring myself (tbh he was correct!!)
But it got me thinking - do "most" women really opt for this classic style?
Subsequent to that, I also pleasantly surprised him with retaining my Ms MyName and having a home birth, but I do like to do "me"! 😀

When I worked, it was in an office and I did wear it every day including commuting on the tube. I don’t wear any jewellery nearly as much since Covid because there seemed no point and I got out of the habit.

OP, there is a certain arrogance that shines out of people who claim to not be "sheep", like you believe you are above or better than everyone else.

You're not.

As seen in many different species, there are certain rituals that we generally follow because it's just what we do. Like penguins and their pebbles. It's something we see in our community and when we do it there is a sense of security and safety.
I am happy for anyone living a life that makes them happy or feeling content, whether it's to my taste or not.

Trying to put others down in order to boost yourself up is a very ugly look.

@CatamaranViper Or perhaps psychologically being different challenges people to see that the "norm" isn't always the best option?
We are not penguins, after all.
Is different seen as "arrogant"?
So am I arrogant, for example, for not choosing a classic engagement ring or being a married Ms which, after all, isn't what most others do?

No, you're not arrogant for making those choices, you are coming across as arrogant for making a post about it and calling other women "sheep" for not making "different" choices.
Many people make different choices or choices against the "norm" in different aspects of life (careers, clothing, relationships, living arrangements etc) but don't feel the need to broadcast it or trying to make others feel bad.

imo its the sneering tone to your posts, deriding others for their choices and being sheep like.

True, but that does detract somewhat from the element of surprise and the gesture of the proposal (for some women anyway).

I would have been disappointed if my fiancée had proposed without a ring with the idea that we could choose one together afterwards.

I also would have been disappointed if he’d ever said to me, “I’m going to propose at some point in the next 6 months so let’s go choose you a ring so that when I do it I know it will be with a ring you like.”

I like the fact that my proposal was a complete surprise and that my engagement ring was too. I would like to think that the majority of men know their fiancés well enough to pick a ring they know she’ll love.

@ShanghaiDiva Disagree. I am questioning them, yes. I'm not sneering at them.

But that is how it's coming across, whether you intend it or not.

@ScaredButUnavoidable Mine was also a complete surprise. We choose our "actual" rings together at a later date.
Tbf he'd asked me about six weeks into our relationship but I told him he was having a laugh and to ask again at a later date 😄

My dd will probably soon be getting engaged and of course she’ll be telling him what she wants
at least the shape! How’s he meant to know otherwise?

What are the “actual rings” ??

Classic? Diamond solitaires have only been the done thing since maybe late 90s. Before that coloured stone and diamonds surrounding were the thing. Like everything else (baby names for instance) it’s about fashion

It’s your tone. The ‘I do me’ nonsense - probably followed by a tinkly little laugh.
if you really wanted to know about ring choices you would have phrased your OP differently eg why are solitaires so popular, what type of ring did you choose, did you choose it yourself…etc
Instead the underlying tone is I am so edgy and dare to be different and everyone else is a sheep.

What a pointless thread. Not sure what your point is.

swap any of the things you referenced out for something else. … eg

“aibu to prefer baby gem lettuce to iceberg- everyone opts of iceberg. So glad dh let me choose the lettuce for the family bbq”

“i choose to ride a bike rather than drive”

you might as well have said that you “prefer to wipe front to back not back to front”
like who the fuck cares 🥱🤣

You are odd

Most women I know, including myself and my friendship group, dont have engagement rings.
It seemed old fashioned 36 years ago when I got together with dh.
None of my younger colleagues have them either.
I thought they were old hat!

No but you are arrogant for somehow thinking those choices somehow make you superior to others.

Fair enough. Must let my husband know I’m not like most women either and hope he is as “pleasantly surprised” as yours.

Not doing what others expect is so cool. Imagine being someone who loves cheese and olives , so boring and predictable, guests invited for drinks must be so disappointed.

Don’t worry OP, he’s already picked you, you can relax now

Your hands aren't ugly at all! Your skin looks really soft and your nails are perfectly manicured. You shouldn't worry if you want to wear rings on other fingers although bear in mind your fingers may be different sizes so they may not be interchangeable.

@samantha9 Would you assume I am a Mrs in the same way as you assume I actually like cheese and olives?! 😄

@Rufusisturnedon I care about challenging the patriarchy. If you don't then up to you.

I have a solitaire (second marriage) because I like classic and i didn’t have an engagement ring first time around (young and broke)

@ScaredButUnavoidable The ones we were going to wear as our engagement rings.

I gave a solitaire engagement ring which surprised everyone because I am alternative, dress alternative, covered in tattoos etc. I think everyone thought I was going to have black or an emerald.

Nothing to do with following the crowd. Most people expect to keep their engagement ring for life and want something that they love and will reflect them forever. Growing up I always imagined I would have a huge round solitaire so that’s what I asked for (lab mined). I also kept my surname. I don’t think it makes me edgy or different, a lot of people I know are starting to do that.