Engagement rings - "classic" or not?

[Cheeseandolivesplease]

I was talking to my husband tonight about engagement rings. He said that "most" women prefer the classic style of a solitare, or at least a solitare-like setting synonymous with a traditional engagement.
He said I was a (in a kindly teasing way) a "nightmare" as I insisted nothing would displease me more than a classic ring "similar to that of most other women" - hence why I chose my ring myself (tbh he was correct!!)
But it got me thinking - do "most" women really opt for this classic style?
Subsequent to that, I also pleasantly surprised him with retaining my Ms MyName and having a home birth, but I do like to do "me"! 😀

Your decision wasn’t made in a vacuum either.

You didn’t “just happen” to think you ought have a ring when you got engaged. You got a ring because that’s what everyone else does. You could have not had a ring. You could have not married. You could have not had an ‘engagement’.

The fact you didn’t have a diamond solitaire is because you don’t like diamond solitaires. If you did like them, it would desperately insecure of you to reject one purely because they’re a classic style.

@Gengha I certainly think we, as women, need to be challenging "traditional" choices more than we perhaps.do, yes.

Or got the Dh an engagement ring instead

@BauhausOfEliott Marriage is unfortunately the only way of full (universal) legal protection so that was a main logistical driver.

Why?
Nobody is telling you , you have to make traditionsl choices
Why do think its your right to tell other women their choice is wrong.?

@x2boys He did. Same with the name change (we both added on).

@x2boys Some decisions do continue to support the patriarchy unfortunately.

So not just an idle curiosity about engagement rings then?

@Gengha Not at all.

Right. I’m still not entirely sure the point of your post, but have a good rest of your afternoon.

I’m sure people are just as capable as you are of understanding the ‘knock-one’ and deciding whether they feel they matter to them. You’re really not the trailblazer you think you are. You did what you thought was right for you. Others do what’s right for them. If you consciously choose something solely to be different, you are just as influenced by others as people who choose something to follow a tradition. You are noticing and calibrating your choices against other people’s, just like everyone else.

Personally, I’ve opted not to get married at all. I’ve also opted not to have children. But I don’t think people like you are ‘sheep’ for ‘agreeing’ to follow those conventional paths.

So you only think eomen should be ablecto make their own choices if they agree with you ?

You said in your opening post you retained your name…

Why did you also need an engagement and a pretty ring, though?

You didn’t. You wanted them because that’s what other people have.

I have a solitaire
I picked/designed it myself
I paid for a bit of it so it could be exactly the stone I wanted
I upgraded my wedding band 10 or so years in (original was engraved and all)
I didn't change my name and dh would have been shocked if I did
I'd have died if I had a homebirth but my engagement ring wasn't the one driving that decision.

I'm in the US now and the classic solitaire - mostly huge - is definitely the more usual ring (de Beers did a big campaign after the war). many of them are inherited from grandmothers - not sure what the poster who thinks solitaires are common and prefers repurposed inherited jewellery would do with that.

@ShanghaiDiva I did. We both added on to match our little one.

I do like a very classic look on rings. My engagement ring is a solitaire and while very classic in style, it’s also bespoke, had it designed for me by a jewellery designer, and it isn’t a diamond as I think diamonds are a bit boring.

I will say, while I did take dh’s name (I very much wanted to rid myself of my dad’s surname), I complemented it by adding a Dr to it. First Dr in either of our families. And I had all my babies at home. 😂 So maybe I’m a mix of classic and edgy.

Apart from a civil partnership

@MyWeddingDress2026 Not universally recognised (as I said).

surely retaining your name means you still have the same name, no add on?
your child could have both names.

Yes, I imagine that has a massive impact on you living in the uk.

My best friend got married 35 years ago and didn’t change her name, it’s not a new thing. She didn’t have an engagement ring either. Or children.

She doesn’t consider herself superior, or edgy. She just made choices that suited her. She doesn’t judge others for making different choices to her either ….

@MyWeddingDress2026 Well with our future plans to emigrate it most certainly wil!!

I can only think of one person I know with the “classic” yellow gold solitaire, I’d say around half of my friends have a diamond trilogy (as do I, my mum and her mum), most of the rest have something different, but we aren’t a particularly edgy crowd (only one hasn’t taken Mrs Hisname). Younger women I know seem to go for the big diamond with smaller ones on the shanks recently.

I don’t have a solitaire and don’t wear my wedding ring. I wear whatever takes my fancy from the jewellery box - go me!